Smedia Apologies
I am not ignoring you! Seriously, I have not checked my DMs in smedia for the past week because I was getting ready for DomCon L.A., then I was at the con, and I took a couple of days to recuperate *and* get scrumptious tidbits ready for you!
In fact, I heard from someone that he’d voted in the Creative Survey via DM and didn’t see it in the results post. That’s because I didn’t check DMs, and I completely forgot that some people vote that way. My apologies if I missed your vote, too. Because you know how I love your votes. I’m bummed but look forward to your votes for Friday’s Creative Survey.
You’ve heard of sub space or a sub high; likewise domme space or a domme high. Well, I have been in a fog of “CON HIGH”. DomCon L.A. was amazing!!
I’ve got a great blog post for you, so get some snacks and hunker down for a delicious read. I’ll wait… *grin*
Sixty-something Professor Albert Curran is obsessed with Aquaman. It’s only when he’s about to retire, though, that he realizes the sexual element of cosplay. His wife wants nothing to do with cosplay, sex in anything but missionary, and especially Aquaman.
The previously all-vanilla professor is desperate to explore the new, erotic world online, where he can maintain his principles. He’s not cyber savvy, however, and is blackmailed by an online bot.
Shaken but not deterred, the professor discovers a professional domme in a nearby town.
But is she trustworthy?
Will his wife find out?
How will it affect the professor’s life?
Get your answers in “Blackmailing a Superhero” today!
Note: Newsletter subscribers got a behind-the-scenes story and a coupon for my latest book. Don’t miss out on the next bonus; sign up for my newsletter today at the bottom of every website page!
Let me start out by saying that at the first Online Book Club, I promised to add a caveat to the author’s note of “Caught in Chastity”. If you missed why, check out that blog. If you purchased “Caught in Chastity” from my website, you can download the updated version for free.
My last blog post sparked some community responses. If you missed it and want to catch up, you can go to that blog post. Briefly, though, I talked about the age requirement laws against porn in Louisiana and Utah, and the hate crime group Project Mayhem. You’re welcome! 🙂
FemdomLove10 ~ BJ….what is this world coming to?? I can’t even watch the news anymore. People hating people because they are different??? WTF [you and I discussed this at length when it was posted, Strappy, and left us both shaking our heads]
Multiperv ~ I try to keep up on the news pretty well but I had not seen anything on the new Utah porn laws so thanks for that disturbing update. “They purged more than 10 mil videos that were infected with child porn, rape and other violent acts.” That sounds great on the surface but this is the same sort of thing that has resulted in perhaps overly zealous content restrictions and crackdowns on Tumblr, Fetlife, etc. And how soon before that results in the abolition of caning, flogging, or even spanking videos since those are in the eyes of many ‘violent acts’? And then we have to do away with bondage and/or gags because that limits people’s ability to resist or revoke consent and before you know it adult porn will only be between married people or characters doing it in missionary, woman on top, or maybe, with a special permit and it being necessary to the plot, doggy, if you categorize it as Taboo. I know it seems far-fetched but, if the extremists on either side continue, that could be the way things are heading.
/end of seemingly and, hopefully in the end, paranoid rant [MP, please keep in mind that what started your rant was actually a quote from Fox News. Not saying there’s not some amount of truth but methinks y’gotta dig for it. Flipside, yeah, we have to be on top of our legislators and vote for the kinksters!]
rubbug ~ I had seen your blog and I also saw that the Pornhub ID thing can be a bad sign of the plan going forward, having everyone’s ID attached to their online profile accounts. Go after the porn sites first, and then it’ll slowly go over to regular social media. They keep trying to control the internet, I’m sure to limit people’s ability to see news that makes them look bad. [RB, you’re right, there seems to be a plan. The feds are trying to pass a smedia law making it illegal for anyone under the age of 13 to even access smedia. While it seems wholesome on its face, it opens up a can of worms]
toymax ~ One picture – 4 stories. I’m excited to read the different kinks of 4 authors – what means: Of course, I bought this book and am looking forward to reading it (after I finished my current B.J. Frazier book 😉 ). [You gotta read faster, Max, because I haven’t gotten your feedback on this one and my new one’s released today!]
I underestimated “Denied in Utah” at first, because I thought “It’s far away and doesn’t concern me”, but it’s not. I’m sure these (technically non-working) restrictions won’t have the desired effect. That only makes the topic more interesting, especially since the use of Pornhub is already widely established. What shocked me was what Fox News reported. For me, Pornhub always was a serious site, without any illegal videos. If that report is true, and they purged 10 million infected videos, I have two questions: Why didn’t they do that a long time ago – on their own? And why don’t they do this all the time? That would definitely be a lot more helpful and perhaps make such drastic legal measures unnecessary. [Max, perhaps it’s not widely known in Germany that Fox News, while it claims to be “fair and balanced”, tends to be “slippery and slanted”. I included what they said so people would know the other side of the story, according to them]
As I wrote before: I enjoyed the last Book Club. And I’m more than happy that one of my favorite books will be the one for the next Book Club. [See more about the Book Club below; there’s still time to join before the next one!]
So far, I’m not caught by the Eli-universe, simply because I haven’t read it yet. But the emphasis here is on not *YET*. By the way: The cover is hot ! [Max, you’re going to LOVE this series! Book Four should be out next week. So get started reading with Book One today!]
Domcon LA. sounds extremely tempting to me, but is out of reach for me for obvious reasons. [But maybe not forever. Until then, enjoy my review, below!]
Thanks for all the great comments, and I look forward to more!
5* Professional Review
I just received this wonderful 5* review from Sally Bend
on “The Service Sub”. I’m always honored to receive reviews. When I write, I know how I’d *like* things to get across to the reader but I’m never sure if it’s actually what happens. This book, while new, already has several reviews with similar reactions.
I love them all, and Sally’s professional review validates the other readers’ feelings. A reader told me yesterday that, after reading Sally’s review, he no longer felt weird about the way he reacted to an *erotica* book. It’s rather sad that even readers of erotica have trope-like thoughts: that erotica is more akin to porn than literature. Then again, progress takes time.
In Sally’s words, “it’s a bit of an unorthodox review, but it made my day!!”
Thank you, Sally! I am ecstatic that you enjoyed this book.
The next Online Book Club is coming up. You have voted “14-Day Lockdown with Goddess Serena” to be the next book. To participate, send me a DM in smedia or use the contact form at the bottom of this page.
The discussion is conducted in a chat room on my website but you have to be a member to participate so you can receive the password. Becoming a member is easy–just tell me you want to join. I’ll add you to the list where you’ll vote on the best day and time. Right now, we’re looking at Friday, June 9th.
If you missed the first Book Club, please see this blog post.
The Book Club is open, and we’d love to include you. Send me a DM in smedia and tell me you’d like to join!
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
DomCon L.A. 2023 ~ The First Review!
DomCon L.A. 2023 marked the 20th anniversary of Mistress Cyan’s inclusive kink convention–after being told it would never work. Being in attendance, I felt like I was part of history.
Let me back up a bit. I went to DomCon NOLA and reviewed it, including interviews with professional dommes like Mistress Cyan, Goddess Phoenix and Mistress Mia. If you missed that series, check out my blog archives from November 2022.
As a preview to the 20th anniversary, take a look at Goddess Phoenix’s video on YouTube. <psst: don’t miss the “vendors” section for a special treat!>
A kink convention that welcomes people no matter their sexual orientation, kink, fetish, and experience, that offers vendors, socials and parties, and that provides educational classes, is usually difficult to sum up, let alone with just one word. Not true with DomCon L.A. 2023. The overwhelming theme was “healing”.
What?! Healing at a sex conference? Y’gotta be kidding!
Not only am I *not* kidding, I’m excited to share with you my perspectives, insights and experiences. I know a lot of you live vicariously through my blog posts but I’m hoping this series will give you the courage to attend the next conference.
Arriving at DomCon
Servicepet graciously volunteered to be my booth boy since Multiperv couldn’t be there. Claire and I were well taken care of from the loading dock through gigglefests. Thank you, servicepet!
From the moment I stepped out of the car at the loading dock, I knew it was going to be a great convention. I saw Jabber and Master Joshua, whom I’d met at DomCon NOLA–and they remembered me! In fact, all of the returning vendors remembered me, as did the pro dommes I’d interviewed.
Walking the maze to the vending area couldn’t have been done without the volunteers. Entering the vending area was a trip because 1) it was so huge; and 2) my booth was exactly where the map showed–first one through the door!
You’d have a difficult time finding an attendee who wasn’t greeted by the resident erotica author *grin* But 
I’m jumping ahead.
When the booth was organized, we noticed people filtering into the classroom next door. Master Joshua asked if we could close the door once everyone was in. That piqued our interest and, looking at the agenda, we realized that classes had begun!
“A Discussion About BDSM Work and Healing” sounded so good that even Claire joined servicepet and me.
Most classrooms are set up in rows. This one, however, had seats in a horseshoe because Master Joshua and Miss Cat wanted to encourage discussion. And what a discussion!
Joshua explained that he works to help people through kink. He shared a beautiful story of a lifestyle couple where the wife was diagnosed with cancer, and she wanted to feel beautiful one more time but her husband was afraid he would hurt her. With balance and perspective, a BDSM session can help someone feel better.
Then Joshua opened up the floor to discovering how other people feel when they’re told, “Wow, I’ve never told anyone this before” and what they do with that experience. Because as professionals, they’re usually the only person to know the inner kink of their clients.
And people shared. There were two psychologists who said they’ve learned a lot from their patients, as they helped put marriages back together. One said he brought kink into his own marriage as a result, and his wife is studying to be a domme. The other one, Eric (whom you’ll hear more about later), said all of his patients and subs (but never mixed) who come to him for therapy or BDSM, respectively, have been sexually abused as children.
They explained that therapy is an acceptance of kink. And they emphatically pointed out that submissives aren’t weak.
That turned the discussion to dominants’ responsibilities. Joshua said he’s known people who have died in scenes from heart attack to choking or suffocating. It’s imperative that the dominant not only knows but understands what the sub’s suffering is.
Several pro dommes said they absolutely hate it when, in an initial interview, a new sub says he’ll do “anything” or “I’ll do whatever you want” because it means they don’t have enough information. Many joked that their response is, “Oh yeah? How about ___” with the blank being different extremes: using a blowtorch, chopping off balls, etc. While laughter filled the room, the sentiment was serious. Words are powerful, so be specific with your requests. And, do your homework before you talk with a professional.
From the opposite perspective, there was a professional sub in the audience who loved to explore. When it was expressed that the domme could do whatever she wanted to try but didn’t have a willing sub, their eyes lit up.
The discussion was rich but wouldn’t have been as successful if it weren’t for Joshua’s acknowledgment. After each person spoke, he thanked people in a way that validated their comment and made them feel heard. He even took notes and repeatedly said that he was learning, too.
Another pro domme commented that men and women experience sex differently, and knowing and understanding the differences helps her in scenes.
There were several examples of healing through scenes where dommes got to the heart of the issue and the subs had breakthroughs. I’m not just talking about fluids here. I’m talking insights and emotional releases.
It was further discussed that BDSM is a modality for therapy but not the only one. Sometimes people want to obliterate their pain and seek hardcore BDSM. Joshua reminded us that, just like subs have to know their hard limits, so do dommes. And that pro dommes can say no, too, if something is too extreme.
It was such an inviting environment, that I shared I wasn’t a professional but an erotica author who communicates with a lot of submissive males. And I had the pleasure of speaking with someone recently who desperately wanted to be in a kinky relationship but didn’t think his wife would ever agree. He shared with me some of their conversations, and I pointed out how men and women communicate differently.
I then explained what I heard his wife saying, which was supported by some of the dominant things she did. Long story short, I suggested he take her on a weekend getaway, which occurred right before DomCon, and it was a success! They communicated and dabbled in some kink, *and* it’s continuing every day.
I told the group that I was so excited to hear about it but then had no one to share it with who would truly understand… but they would. And they clapped! It was such a cool vibe to be a part of that group, where, even though we didn’t have the same kinks, we respected each other.
It was a great way to start off the Con. Major kudos to Master Joshua and Miss Cat for creating a safe place where people were validated and wanted to share.
Red Carpet Social
Goddess Phoenix created the Red Carpet Social and hosts it. There is a banner with repeated images of DomCon, Mistress Cyan and major sponsors that you can stand in front of and get your picture taken. A few feet from that is an actual red carpet and black-curtain backdrop for more formal photographs.
It looks and feels like a celebrity runway at an awards show. And Goddess Phoenix was the supreme celeb, aligning her subs before strutting toward the carpet. There was no mistaking who was in command. She had it filmed, and I’m sure will be posting it soon.
She wore an iridescent form-hugging, floor-length dress which showcased every attribute, down to the divet of her belly button. Then she graciously took pictures with everyone coming off the red carpet, and passed out a treat–which was on a tray carried by a butler sub in a hooded mask.
When the line got too long, Goddess Phoenix moved closer, greeting everyone and taking pictures before they approached the runway. She was the quintessential hostess who worked the crowd with dominance and love.
Opening Ceremony
The 20th anniversary of DomCon brought many awards and accolades to Mistress Cyan, causing her to go up and down the stage frequently. I was granted another interview with the amazing woman, but I will focus on the ceremony for now.
Awards were also given to outstanding members of the kink community. Not only professionals but vendors, volunteers, and those who have attended the Con for many years.
Even though Mistress Cyan is the creator of DomCon, she is quick to point out that she can’t do it herself. And it’s important to her that people are recognized across the board for their contribution to make it a success year after year.
This year, there were two debuts at DomCon. I didn’t make it to the class so I am taking this blurb from the DomCon Program:
“The DomSpace Team is a group of software developers that have designed a new technology for ProDommes that enables them to make their videos interactive and allows their customers and clients to actually experience while watching the video!”
They are from Israel, and have developed software to enable the viewers to actually *feel* what the domme is depicting in the video. Even better, they said the professionals would not pay anything extra to have this feature in their vids. On top of that, if anyone should steal a clip, that stolen material would *not* contain their special feature. Meaning, if stolen, the feeling part of the software shuts down, giving it extra protection.
The other debut was Todd Max Carey’s “tOuch Kink”, a documentary of the kink/BDSM community that was seven years in the making. Wednesday 
evening, they premiered the movie to DomCon attendees and the press. Plus, the makers were available for a Q/A session afterwards.
Read more about the movie in this EINpresswire article and on IMDB.
Preview of Things to Come
Still in my Con High, I reserve the right to add things later and do not mean to slight anyone.
Classes:
A Brief History of Kink in America
Obscenity Law and You
Trauma, Kink & Somatic Healing
Interviews:
Power Exchange Academy ~ Master Joshua and Miss Cat
Lightplay Candles ~ Eric and Toyko Apple
Master Jim
servicepet
Mistress Cyan
Priestess Francesca
Plus:
Play Party
Hotel *Volunteers*
The Tale of the Blue, Latex Vest
Vegan Dinner
Vendors
Where are my Glasses?
Miss Wet
And More!
Closing Remarks
The first day set the tone for the rest of the Con, and I look forward to sharing it with you soon.
To everyone I met in New Orleans who was also in L.A.–a big shoutout! It was good to reconnect and share space.
To all of the new people I met–a big shoutout! I enjoyed the flurry of discussion and look forward to speaking with you more in smedia and at future Cons.
To the readers who have never been to a kink convention–never say never! More to that point in later blog posts.
In the meantime, tell me what you thought of the first review. If you were at DomCon L.A. and want to add something, drop me a line, and I’ll get it in the next post.
Looking forward to hearing from you all!
This is a special edition of “Ask”, which is usually a kinky ask/advice feature. Today, I give you follow-up to the previous Ask, where the tables were turned and you were asked the questions: Who would you like get dommed by/sub to? Do you see a particular person when you read my books?
Multiperv ~ As for who I’d like to be topped by, I have a LOT of pop culture characters in my mental Rolodex. Some possibilities that come to mind are:
Dana Delany (the best part of “Exit to Eden” imho but I’ve also liked her in other things)
Willow from Buffy
Doppelganger Willow, also from Buffy–I even use a shot of her in my Humiliation class slides.
Gabriella, not Xena. Well, okay, sure, maybe Xena, but Gabriella would be my preferred choice.
Mary Anne, not Ginger
Amy Pond (Doctor Who)
Going back a few decades, Veronica Lake and Lauren Bacall
And of course Bettie Page, maybe partially because she’s a switch lol.
Oh, and I agree with Sean O’Toole’s answer of Maitresse Madeline Marlow, especially from her pre-Kink.com days.
And maybe Kendra James and Kym Wylde, though both are generally known more for their work as subs. [You and a brunette?? Shocker! I thought about cutting your list but it’s just so “you”. Too bad you haven’t really thought about these questions before *grin*]rubbug ~ Tessa Thompson is the celeb I’d like to be dominated by. She’s so cool and chill, and super hot all at once. She’s laid back, but has this crazy smile and laugh, and seeing her make that face while she’s having her way would be amazing.
I don’t think I’ve ever pictured a celeb when reading your books. I guess my mind just makes them up as I read the descriptions and their personality. [Thank you for sharing, RB!]
Note: rubbug called me out for cheating in my answer because he thinks porn stars aren’t celebrities. I seriously beg to differ. 🙂
toymax ~ Thanks for Your words about “Chez Max”. You would be more than worthy and warmly welcome there. 🙂 You can also use this as an answer to Your question ‘who do I want to be dominated by’. [Thanks for sending the picture, Max]
I don’t see a specific person when I read Your books. The persons appear individually in my mind while I follow Your detailed story. You create them in my imagination. [*hugs*]
Who I’d most like to submit to from Charmed would be Piper, a/k/a Holly Marie Combs (Multiperv liking the pale, long-haired brunette?! Who would have guessed?)B.J.’s Question to You
What is your greatest fear of being in a D/s scene in real life? Send me your responses in smedia.
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
