I *LOVE* doing con reviews because your comments are awesome. I actually received several messages asking when the first one would be published *as I was writing it* because people couldn’t wait. So thank you to the many people who sent positive feedback after reading.
If you missed the first installment, here is your link.
Here are some snippets of people who responded in depth:
Multiperv ~ I watched that DomCon LA 2023 promo video. Very nice, short video. Wow, it’s great that all the vendors and the Mistresses that you interviewed remembered you. Wait, CLAIRE went to a class??!! Was this outside of booth hours or did you just ‘close up’ for an hour? How did Claire like it? Nice tease of the upcoming Domcon article topics. [Claire did enjoy the class. It was after the setup for vending, so it was part of the industry professionals day. She thought the sharing of stories made “kink” easier to understand. Thank you; you know how I love to tease *grin*]
rubbug ~ Master Joshua’s class sounded amazing! The conversation about healing through BDSM actually got me a bit emotional, to think that there are so many Dominants who are mindful and care about their subs’ background is great to hear. [It promotes a great session for both parties]
I’m sure there are Dominants who also use BDSM as a healing device, I believe I recall an interview that you did where one of the Dommes had an abusive background. The conversation of healing and the psychology behind it is fascinating. [Yes, you’re remembering my interview with Goddess Phoenix]
The technology from Israel you wrote about reminds me of the conversations in the video game space about immersion. I’m imagining it as some kind of haptic feedback device (a suit perhaps?) That would allow the user to experience whatever is happening on screen. I think I’ll look into this because outside of the kink space, it’d be really cool to immerse in a game! [Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to interview the creators, but, after perusing their website, it seems as though it’s an app you download which has purchases from there to experience things]
Congrats on releasing “Blackmailing a Superhero”! [Thank you, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it!]
cb-6000-lover ~ DomCon sounds intense! Glad you got a primo location. Awesome that you had so many people recognize you from NOLA. Glad you had a fan helper as well as your bestie there. Did you sell out your hard copies? Meet many people you knew from online? [I could not have done it without Claire and servicepet. While I sold a ton, I think I’ve learned about inventory for the next one to be even more productive. Sadly, I did not meet anyone that I know but hopefully at the next one!]
submissiveforDomme ~ So I just read your DomCon LA post. Somehow, you make everyone seem super cool, and made me wish I was able to attend. Seriously, I feel like I’m missing out on a ton of awesome learning and awakening. [I’ll tell you my secret: everyone IS super cool! :)]
toymax ~ Congratulations on Your latest book release ‚Blackmailing a Superhero‘. Although I‘m anything but a superhero, this book caught my eyes. Professor Albert Curran and I have something in common: I also got blackmailed because of my greenness. Lucky me, it all ended before it really began. I‘m excited to hear Professor‘s story. [Unfortunately, many people who yearn for submission fall into a blackmail trap. It’s been on my list to write for a while; I look forward to your feedback when you return from vacation]
Thanks for Your first Domcon review. Your booth looked awesome. And the location right next to the entrance shows how famous You are. The review of the class was unexpected, because as an outsider, I would never have expected such a topic. Especially the great atmosphere and the applause You got, made me think: Wow, what a great community. I can‘t wait to read more of Your Domcon experiences. It‘s so good to read about a world that is so tempting but so far away. [Thank you! I’m not sure how famous it makes me but I did my best to meet and greet everyone who came in. Truly, yes, the community is fabulous and not what you’d expect at first glance!]
Seblin ~ It looks like so much fun! I wish I had got to go! [me, too!!]
I want to hear from you. Tell me what you think of this DomCon review!
Traveling to and from DomCon LA and taking some much-needed relaxation enabled me to finish TWO books last month that I’m happy to share with you.
The first one is a debut novel by Asher Lake called “Dominatrix Boss”. It is narrated by Tim, who quickly moves from leering at his boss to becoming her humiliated and denigrated submissive.
It’s not for the faint of heart nor the first-time BDSM reader… unless you are a sadistic sub; in which case, have at it immediately! *grin*
I receive Lake’s newsletters, so I know she’s completed the second installment and is working on the edit.
Read my five-star review on Goodreads.
The second book is not erotica, though it contains sexual topics. I am a huge fan of D.B. Carter’s books, and “The Cherries” redoubles my fandom.
Carter does an amazing job of modernizing the styles of the great classic authors and taking his readers on a slice-of-life journey through happiness, tragedy, introspection, faith, and ends with his uncontroverted theme: Hope.
It’s a feel-good novel that should be required reading for every human! Peel yourself from erotica for this one… you’ll thank me 🙂
Read my five-star review on Goodreads.
Conversation with a Bot
Celebrating the release of “Blackmailing a Superhero”, I decided to interact with a bot who recently DM’d me–on hump day, to be exact. I have already reported the blog to bdsmlr admins. Until they had a chance to react, I had some fun; strictly as a learning exercise for the submissive readers who so desperately want to be dominated.
I am known in the bdsmlr community for my advocacy against bots, constantly warning people not to fall for their traps. But it’s always good to remind. First and foremost, dominants and pro dommes do not hunt for their prey. They don’t need to.
Try to remember that when a seemingly dominant blog DMs you an opening message of “Hi slut” or “Hey sissy”, etc.
Not only will a pro domme not contact you to peddle her wares but she won’t assume to know anything about you because there are protocols and negotiations that need to happen before entering into any kind of power exchange agreement or session.
Also, you don’t want a dominant to simply proceed without taking the time to get to know you. There are discussions and checklists for a reason–to protect you as well as the dominant.
For more information, see my free BDSM checklists, where I’ve created a general, alphabetized list and sorted another one by kink groups.
Back to online bots. Protect yourself. Please don’t give out personal information to or move off-site with anyone you’ve just “met” online. By off-site, I mean, stepping away from whatever smedia platform you’re using.
It’s my belief these bots search for femdom posts, perhaps searching hashtags. Then, they send mass messages to any blog that has liked, reblogged and/or added a caption to a post with many “hits”.
I hate to burst your bubble, but that “hey slave” DM does not mean they’ve looked into your kinky soul and know your true colors.
Take my blog, for example. My homepage identifies me as an erotica author and links to several pages of my website. A quick glance through my archive should be enough to dispel the notion that I am a submissive male. Yet the DM I received Wednesday from “Believeyoucanbethebestslutty” read, “Hello submissive”.
Full stop right there. Do not pass go, don’t say hi, and for heaven’s sake, don’t get weak in the knees! Immediately go to the contact us section and report them if you’re in bdsmlr. The admins, though having recently switched ownership, are quick to ban bot-like blogs. Plus, you’re doing a service to keep our community clean.
Back to the bot. The homepage said: “Do you believe your dream can come true? Welcome to my slavery world bondage?” Many bot blogs ask questions, and many use a question mark improperly. Beware.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Bot: Hello submissive
B.J. omg, you found me!
Bot: Yeah
How are you doing?
B.J. so excited, Miss
Bot: Am mistress Rose and you ?
B.J. mistress Rose, sorry
Bot: And you ?
B.J. humble wannabe sub
Bot: Have you ever been dominated before?
B.J. no is that a problem?
Bot: Would you love to be dominated?
B.J. more than anything
Bot: How old are you and where are you located?
B.J. oh, is there places you don’t go?
Bot: Just answer my question
B.J. i’m well over 18 and in canada
Bot: Are you ready to be dominated?
B.J. yes mistress
Bot: What other app do you use so we could go talk better there than this
B.J. thank you mistress what do you like best?
Bot: WhatsApp and google chat
B.J. how does it work?
Bot: Do you have any of them ?
B.J. yes but how much does it cost?
Bot: You have to pay for the sissy slut name under my supremacy as others do.
B.J. that gets me hard. do i pay when i meet you or when can i meet you?
Bot: This mostly thing you must do before meeting up or anything I decide
B.J. what do i have to do?
Bot: If truly you’re ready to go deep into this bdsm lifestyle you should know to have a sissy name is must be mistress start training you.
B.J. i’m so ready been ready for a long time and i feel so lucky that you found me! when can i start?
Bot: Firstly you must agree that to pay for sissy name is must.
And again you must clear all your bad thoughts in mind
B.J. yes mistress rose. is it bad to have an erection now?
Bot: Yes nah you should know that your must not orgasm and give me pleasure
B.J. yes mistress rose i want to give you so much pleasure
That’s as far as I got before the blog was banned. I hope you chuckled along the way, but now let’s get serious and analyze things.
The bot didn’t care about my name but included the question to seem social. You’ll note I didn’t give a specific name, and “Rose” could have enjoyed the submissive slant, but I’ve seen these conversations before where the name is asked for then disregarded. First point that the bot does not care about you.
Next thing was, have I ever been dominated. I answered and included a question: no, is that a problem? The bot did not acknowledge my question, and you’ll see the lack of acknowledgment throughout the conversation. This, too, should be a red flag to you that the bot does not care about your answers.
A professional domme should not only care about you and your answers but ensure your experience is a positive one. The initial conversation should be a two-way negotiation not a unilateral monetary exchange.
You’ll note the bot gets pushy, demanding me to answer her questions. When it determines I am of age and in a country where it can proceed, the immediate next step is to go off-site. This is bad on its face but more so because there has been no real relationship established. I’m surprised there wasn’t a further push to make me go off-site, but I’m sure it was coming had it not been banned. [Kudos to bdsmlr admins for working so quickly to ban the blog!]
Toward the end of the conversation, my humor could also be interpreted as serious inquiries, yet there was no acknowledgment of my questions and concerns. The bot also delves into some very poor English. That, too, should be warning flags to you. So keep your wits about you, even if your dick gets excited by the prospect of talking with a professional domme.
If you’re intrigued by this conversation, check out “Blackmailing a Superhero”, my latest release!
And… you’re welcome. *grin*
Preliminary results from members new and old point to next Friday, June 9 at 11:00 a.m. EST for the second Online Book Club.
The Club is conducted in a chatroom on my website; no cameras. The room will only be accessible to people who sign up beforehand. There is still time to join, so DM me for details!
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
We will be discussing “14-Day Lockdown with Goddess Serena” and you may message me or the characters questions ahead of time. I will incorporate them into the discussion.
If you missed the first Book Club, please see this blog post.
DomCon L.A. 2023 ~ The Second Review!
“A Brief History of Kink in America”
Servicepet and I couldn’t decide whether we wanted to go to a Feminization class or learn about the History of Kink. We chose the former, since it was next to the booth; however, the instructor didn’t show. So off to “A Brief History of Kink in America” we went, taught by Astrid Aegis.
The class had already started and there was a large audience. The instructor was showing slides and discussing various events in the gay kink timeline.
Astrid is young and soft-spoken and was nervous in the beginning. But as she continued, members of the audience added facts and anecdotes about the events being discussed. As more people volunteered information and shared experiences, Astrid became comfortable, and the class devolved into a conversation… and she thanked people for their input and acknowledged that she was young, and thanked us again for allowing her to present such a weighty subject.
It was cool to learn about the barriers kinksters had to break, especially from a personal retelling. Astrid reiterated comments that Mistress Cyan had made at the opening ceremony: Even though we’ve come a long way doesn’t mean that we can’t slide backwards. The message is that we need to be mindful of our politicians’ agendas.
I pass that to you. No matter how small the election, educate yourself on your candidates. Don’t skip summer elections because you don’t think they mean anything. Every vote counts, and every agenda matters. Please do your part to maintain the progress of decades of work.
As for the class, it was fascinating. I sat in awe and didn’t take notes. But I think it’s okay for this one, because Astrid began her foray into history as an introduction into the House RavynBlood. She interviewed Ms. Emily, a member of the BDSM community, in 2016, was fascinated with the history and continued to research for another year. In 2018, she taught the history class at DomCom.
From there, she has slowly put together a website, equipped with a timeline. I encourage you to visit the site to explore the kink history that is of interest to you.
Tell me something you learned that you didn’t know.
“You’ll Know It When You See It: Obscenity Law and You”
Before the class, I asked Aaron, the instructor and lawyer, whether he would be discussing the age requirements in Utah and Louisiana and/or the Mayhem Project–both of which I had discussed in a recent blog post. He indicated it wasn’t on his agenda but if it naturally came up, he’d be amenable to talking about it.
I entered the class with notebook in hand, and I was curious how swearing would be a violation of laws as it related to kink.
Seriously.
I freely admit that I had no idea what obscenity laws were. And I was shocked when Aaron began by stating that most people leave the class feeling like they’re being watched or will be arrested. He was quick to point out, though, that it wasn’t his intent to scare, and kindly offered to alleviate anyone’s fears after class.
His first assurance was if you’re just posting dirty pictures to FetLife or other smedia, you’re okay. Law enforcement generally searches for kingpin offenders.
We’ve all heard about the First Amendment and how it applies to freedom of speech. Perhaps you know that it excludes certain things. The example that I remember is you can’t yell “Fire” in a movie theater or crowded, public space when there is no fire. Slander and libel are also ones that aren’t covered.
But did you know it extended to obscenity laws and child pornography–which don’t necessarily require the harming of anyone? “Obscenity” has been broadly defined and refined. Before 1959 it referred to anything subject to depravity or immorality. In 1966 it was changed to it must be utterly without any redeeming purpose.
And in 1973, the Supreme Court redefined it in Miller v California, 413 U.S. 15, 24 (1973) with a three-point test using an average person, state laws and, taken as a whole, whether the work “lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value”.
Applying the test is highly subjective. And since the internet is worldwide, it encompasses all of the states’ laws.
Interestingly, erotica from the 1960s focused on medical case studies. The setup would be like: a patient recently came to me with “these problems”. The bulk of the book would be the “meat” or heart of the patient’s issue, depicting graphic and salacious sexual details. It would end on a flimsy summary of what the patient was afflicted with; i.e., nymphomania. So the court said, it must have “serious” importance.
In the ‘90s, there was a porn actor, director, producer, etc. named Max Hardcore (Paul F. Little) who fell under the FBI’s radar for making films that included fisting, water sports, opening anal passages, and ageplay scenes. In 1998 in L.A., he was charged with pornography and distribution of obscenity despite everyone being over the age of 18. It was the fact that the actresses were portraying underage women that was the alleged problem.
The pornography charges were dismissed, and the jury failed to concur on the obscenity charges. The FBI did not give up.
In the 2000s, undercover agents set up position in Florida and watched trailers and ordered Max Hardcore movies online. When they were delivered, they charged him and his movie company with obscenity violations. Each trailer and each movie were separate counts. The FBI cherry-picked Florida for its harsher obscenity laws and, that time, got convictions.
Max Hardcore served two and a half years in prison, serving his last five months under house arrest, before resuming his craft. His lawyer argued Max didn’t live or work in Florida. Because his business was online and people viewed it in Florida, however, is how they got him. With the internet, the law considers the action from where it’s viewed not where it originated.
Incidentally, Max Hardcore passed away in March of this year, at age 66, from an infection of this throat that spread to other parts of his body. Please see his Wikipedia page for more information.
Aaron said the last federal obscenity prosecution was in 2010. As the public becomes desensitized or used to sexuality, it becomes more difficult to apply the average person/community standards prong of the law.
As for the Utah and Louisiana age requirements, Aaron said it would be assumed that the states invoked the law in order to protect minors. He thinks it would be upheld as a proper law because, again, judges believe lawmakers set out to do what’s in the best interest of their constituency.
This class also tied into another theme of DomCon, which is to be aware of your politicians and speak out, advocate and vote for the protection of rights to ensure we don’t slide back.
Vendor Interview: Lightplay Candles
I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking with Eric and Tokyoapple. Lightplay Candles is the creation of Tokyoapple, who tested and developed soy and coconut, and paraffin and coconut mixtures to create a sensual and colorful experience to any bedroom scene.
The candles come in a variety of colors, including neon and glow-in-the-dark. Test products were available, and I had it done to me. The sharp sting of regular candles is gone, replaced by a warm smoothness. The candle holder is able to draw/create on the partner without fear of injury. Wax is removed with wiping a cloth over the area. There is no caking, and the removal is as painless as the application.
Tokyoapple always thought she was kinky. In her mid-twenties, she traveled to Japan, where she hoped to explore but realized she couldn’t negotiate in a foreign language. She figured kink was just a phase she was going through, and eventually entered into a 10-year marriage with a vanilla man.
Opening her marriage led to divorce but Tokyoapple learned her kink was not just a phase. She is now a lifestyler specializing in violet wand/electric and wax play. She is also a different kind of findom. Tokyoapple’s goals for her findom clients focus on training them to be better with their money and take financial responsibility.
While she takes control of their finances, she provides discipline and accountability that they otherwise lack. Through professional and life coaching, clients’ payments go down. In fact, one client even raised his credit score by 100 points with Tokyoapple’s help.
In her personal relationship, she has a poly marriage with Eric, to whom she submits. Eric is one of the psychotherapists from the first class I attended about BDSM and healing.
He claims to have come into kink since before he could talk. In college, he had a friend who was a dominatrix, and he subbed first, but their encounters ended with him mounting her sexually. He had another partner where they delved into spanking and tickling.
A therapist had him convinced that he was a sex addict, and Eric entered into a vanilla marriage to “make me good”. They were together for years but weren’t compatible sexually.
After his divorce, Eric entered Denver’s kink community to explore his identity. At play parties, he attracted submissive women who came to him as a dom.
In 2016 he became a psychotherapist as a result of his negative experience in therapy, and he vowed to be a non-shaming therapist. His practice focuses on trauma resolution.
He met Tokyoapple at a munch, and the rest is history. Tokyoapple owns the FetLife group Colorado Femdom.
Thank You
Master Gabriel
At one point during the con, I lost my glasses. They were on my head one minute and lost the next. In between greeting attendees and trying to surreptitiously up-end my booth, I decided I needed help.
I was led to Master Gabriel, who is the “voice of DomCon”, running the sound system in the vending area. He quickly voiced an SOS. And, as he walked around the room announcing events, I thanked him… and joked about not being able to hear him.
Sometime later, Claire found my glasses under a chair, against the wall, and covered by the curtain. Absolutely no idea how they got there.
The next time Master Gabriel walked by, I confessed my stupidity. Instead of ridiculing me, he commiserated. He said he was glad they were found, and shared a similar story that had happened to him.
I share this story with you to further instill the idea that kinky people are not abnormal, freaks of nature or anything else that society chooses to label them. Rather, they are… *people*. If you attend a kink convention, you will experience the same degree of humanity.
Ryan
My friend Ryan came to support me at the con, despite social anxiety issues about being in a crowd. We attended a class together (more in a later post), and he walked around the vending area. As happy as he was for me, he was equally as stressed by the environment.
He went home early but returned to take me, Claire and servicepet for dinner, since the offerings around the hotel were lacking. He chose a full vegan Italian restaurant for servicepet, and it was a delightful meal, accentuated by the company.
Ryan was more relaxed and happier to spend quality time with a limited few. As I told the waiter the check is mine, Ryan usurped it, claiming we had traveled to his town, and, therefore, he wanted to treat us.
It was a huge surprise, and the three of us heralded Ryan’s generosity on the ride back to the hotel and continued after he had left. Thank you, Ryan. Not only for the meal, but for your unwavering support, even in the face of obstacles! *hugs*
Preview of Things to Come
Classes:
Trauma, Kink & Somatic Healing
Interviews:
Power Exchange Academy ~ Master Joshua and Miss Cat
Master Jim
servicepet
Mistress Cyan
Priestess Francesca
Plus:
Play Party
Hotel *Volunteers*
The Tale of the Blue, Latex Vest
Vendors
Miss Wet
And More!
Closing Remarks
The sense of welcoming and acceptance at DomCon and other conferences is heavenly. Kinksters know the taboo reactions they receive from family, friends, and/or society, are therefore are more open and accepting of others.
To the readers who have never been to a kink convention–never say never! More to that point in later blog posts.
In the meantime, tell me what you thought of the second review. If you were at DomCon L.A. and want to add something, drop me a line, and I’ll get it in the next post.
Looking forward to hearing from you all!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
