If you read books on your Kindle and/or if you’ve purchased mobi books from me, you MUST read!!
As I mentioned in the last newsletter, Amazon will no longer be supporting the mobi format. This means if you don’t upload your mobi books to your Kindle before August 2022, you won’t be able to do so.
The good news is that once you have uploaded them to the Kindle, they will be there for you to read without issue.
I will be removing mobi as a format choice on July 15, 2022. So please download your books from my site before then, and upload to your Kindle before August 2022.
Amazon will be switching to the epub format. If you want added assurance, there are a bunch of free conversion sites online from mobi to epub. I strongly suggest you do your homework before you choose one.
I have *NOT* done research, and I do not vouch for this site, but the first free site I found that didn’t seem to have a file size restriction is here. Again, though, please use due diligence if you decide to go this route.
bdsmlr Admins are People, Too
I get frustated just like everyone else when the Chat feature fails in bdsmlr. For those of you who don’t know, bdsmlr was created to combat the “Big Purge” of sexual or “adult” content from Tumblr in the Fall of 2018.
Many longstanding Tumblr bloggers had no warning their blogs would be deleted, and they lost years of content. That was the first purge. After that, Tumblr sent a warning that sexual blogs would be banned. People scrambled to find a kink-friendly home.
Enter bdsmlr. The site was thrown together as a place for Tumblr bloggers to upload their content before it was banned, and they no longer had access to it. Because of the timing, not a lot of detail went into the creation of the infrastructure for bdsmlr.
The site has grown, and actually outgrown its foundation. That’s why there are some hiccups. Granted, those hiccups cause major frustration, and even I’ve shouted at my keyboard at times.
I believe the site has been sold–maybe more than once. The current admins and developers seem to be on top of things. Plus, they’re actual people, not the bots who “run” Tumblr.
So I urge you to think twice before sending a nasty ticket about how fucked up DM is. Why do I care? Because bdsmlr was my first foray into what I UNaffectionately call “smedia” or “social media”. I started my NSFW blog there a few months before the release of my first novel, “Mistress Managed”, and it feels like home to me.
In fact, I’d love for you to send them a positive ticket. Tell them thanks for providing a censor-free kink community that is FREE to use! …by the way, Chat is working again, and it was only down for a couple of days last week.
If you’ve never sent a ticket, go to the person icon on the dashboard and select “Contact Us”. Then click “Submit a request” at the top. I’d love for you to send me a note after, telling me you did it. Thanks!
In the last newsletter, I teased about an upcoming “event”. I told you there was a hint about it somewhere on my website.
Here’s another clue: It’s somewhere on my Kinky Links page.
Question: I’ve seen that you have now co-authored with different people multiple times. How does that usually work? Do you discuss the overall plot and characters then divide up scenes or chapters that match your likes or that are more your specialties? Or do you each take one or more characters and then talk through or ‘do’ scenes together as those characters to see how things go and what comes out? Or maybe something completely different?
B.J.’s Answer: Thanks for the question. I have a two-part answer. First, the short story collections I’ve done with Sean O’Toole and L.K. Lynch aren’t “co-authored”. We each wrote a short-short on a similar theme. Our latest, Cupid’s Quiver, are short stories about Valentine’s Day (and are sparse in the romance department).
The two projects I mentioned in the last newsletter are going to be co-written. At the time of that newsletter, I had no idea how it was going to work, as I’ve never done that type of collaboration before.
One of the projects is well underway with an author and friend who doesn’t write erotica. I was skeptical as to how the process would work. But I am super happy to report that it’s smooth, seamless and fun!
We started by brainstorming. Then we each wrote an opening, read it to each other and compared. It was crazy how similar our details were… yet also so different. The fusing of our passages was incredibly easy.
In fact, we are nearly finished with the first book! It will be a short story series… more to come.
I know Sean O’Toole has collaborated a lot in the past, so I will pass the question to him.
Sean’s Answer: The answer is all of the above. But it depends on who you’re working with. I’ve worked a number of different ways, including writing the same story from two points of view–which was the most interesting, simply because it allowed each writer to write the scene from a specific point of view without needing it to align because each person has his own perceptions.
Overall, the writers have to agree on the arc of the story, who the characters are and what they’re like before they can start writing. Then you send things back and forth to meld them together. To me, that works the best.
But you have to find somebody with whom you’re compatible intellectually and artistically for it to work. When I’ve collaborated, the final product was generally better than what either of us could’ve written separately because we were combining styles and editing each other’s work.
When the process flows, you can achieve a very nice whole from two parts.
Question: You mentioned that being creative and using your partner’s communication is your favorite kink. What happens if the partner isn’t very communicative, as I think I’ve read or heard men or newbies sometimes tend to be? Does that inspire you to dig in more to pull things out of them? Or do you just go with a wider variety of things to see what produces the best reactions? Thanks again for answering questions like these.
B.J.’s Answer: That’s an interesting question. I’ve thought about my encounters in an attempt to answer what I do in that situation, but I can’t recall a time like that. I think it’s because I don’t accept a non-verbal partner. *wicked grin*
On top of that, with a first-time playmate, I use a pain scale game that I created (and which Jeneca uses from “Mistress Managed”). It helps me assess someone’s pain tolerance. So, he’s not allowed to not respond.
I will also test limits, too, in the same game. Meaning, I’ll ask if he can handle three more–floggings, crop taps, etc.–and, depending on how he answers, determine whether I can push that limit.
Let me also say that before anyone enters into a D/s encounter, you should know and trust your partner. You should also have an in-depth discussion about experience, likes, dislikes, and hard limits. There are BDSM checklists online that get a kink conversation started. Here is one, and you can also search for others.
I also have a link to a fun, little BDSM quiz on my website, which can also begin a discussion. (It’s also where you can find the big hint to “the event”)
Sean’s Answer: If my partner is not communicative, I do my best to see what works. People generally have things they like better than others. And if you try enough things, you’ll eventually find what they like.
Any encounter needs to be preceded by a discussion of, say, no fly zones: What things are absolutely off the table. I’ll ask people what they like. If they don’t tell me, that’s kind of a red flag. But some people aren’t experienced enough to know what they like, and so they’re interested in trying new things.
I tend to be very patient and experiment. I don’t spend a lot of time saying, was that okay?, did that feel good?, that kind of thing, because that’s just a mood-killer. Generally, a person will respond negatively or positively to whatever you’re doing. And their non-verbal responses will reveal what you want to know.
If you find something they like, keep doing it. And then try other things. But as much as possible, there should be discussion beforehand, particularly if it’s a first encounter. People will often be forthright about what they’re looking for. They’ll say, this is what I want.
What’s useful about that for me, is if it’s not something I want to do, I simply say, okay, my bus doesn’t stop there; you need to talk to somebody else. There’s no reason to go into an encounter where one person is doing something he doesn’t want to do.
Personally, I’m very upfront about what like and don’t like, and expect the same from whomever I’m with.
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.