Get Ready for Spring Break!

Is COVID getting you down?  Do you feel shut-in, separated, socially distanced from reality?

Before you go out and meet your special boo to get your freak on, take note of the couple who were caught naked, steamy and sweaty by the side of the road.

Police found a couple, naked in a car, near Morley, in England.  Not only were they given a cannabis warning and fined £200 apiece but their trip was deemed unessential.

Think if the admonishment had come from a porn director.  Completely different from “cut” or “try it from this angle” but unessential.  It’s like declaring their lovemaking a boner-kill.

Seriously, though, be safe out there and be considerate of others.  With the influx of available vaccines, we will hopefully soon see COVID in our rearview mirrors.

Read the full article.

With COVID forcing many colleges and universities to skip spring break this year, I wanted to make sure you had something to keep you warm in March… or provide you with a trip down memory lane.

It is my pleasure to collaborate with my two awesome authors, Sean O’Toole and L.K. Lynch, to bring Spring Break to you! 

“Spring Break Three Ways” is a collection of three short stories providing three different perspectives on the collegiate rite of passage.

L.K.’s adds a bit of exhibitionism, older women and true love.

Sean’s goes back to the ‘70s a lá Mrs. Robinson meets Bull Durham.

And mine takes place in Hawaii and has:  four teenagers, a pedicab driver, and three naval officers.

Disclaimer:  No orgies take place in any short story.

Each story contains a plot, well-developed characters and sizzling sex that will have you reaching for the sunscreen… or other lubricant!

Question:  Why is it every apparent domme I speak to on [bdsmlr] turns out to be in it for the money and requires a commitment fee or some such?  Are there really so few women who just enjoy being dominant for sake of it, or am I just looking in the wrong place?  It’s very frustrating.

B.J.’s Answer:  Unfortunately, this is a question I get asked a lot.  There are many bots posing as professional dommes.  You see them a lot more on Tumblr, and even I get their “hey slave” messages.  I asked one whether she was a bot, and this is the answer I received:  “its great reading a sweet and interesting response from you”. [sic]

I call them bots, but bdsmlr admins told me “bot algorithms” don’t detect them because they are posting as individuals.  If you see a “hi sissy” DM in bdsmlr, report it. The admins are swift at removals.

I’m not saying they’re all fake, but I am telling you to beware.  I have heard horror stories of people paying for online keyholder services or other promised D/s features.  The email correspondence appears batch-run automated.  More importantly, though, many of them seek personal information.

I know of someone who was blackmailed, paid $3k before hiring an attorney.  The attorney put a stop to the blackmail, but only after family and friends were told of the kink.

As to the question, I would say, you’re better off trying to find a real-life playmate or life partner on a dating site versus a general smedia site.  I’m told that Fetlife does a lot of in-person events, but I don’t know how they’ve been handling COVID.  Also, bdsmlr is trying to add a personals section.

The theme of my “Dreamscapes” series is:  who’s on the other side of the “cyber veil”?   Currently, I’m working on a revenge novel that addresses online bots versus real people.  More later!

Thanks for the question, and good luck with your search! 

Sean’s Answer:  I have a theory about this.  We know, from the evidence, that since COVID-19 has put people out of work and forced them to stay at home, there has been an explosion of new sex workers (SW) on platforms like OnlyFans.

D/s and BDSM is a niche market that is being flooded because there are so many men (and quite a few women) looking for an online D/s experience.  It doesn’t mean that these would-be Dommes are any good at what they do or have a lot of experience.  It just means that people who are desperate for cash are looking at new places to get it.  It’s no surprise to men, then, that there are a lot of them on bdsmlr, too.

Findom has also become quite popular.  Again, it shouldn’t be a surprise, given our global economic situation, that there are quick-buck artists looking to take advantage.  As B.J. points out, there are also a lot of bots on the internet, not to mention trolls and scam artists.  Caution is required to prevent giving away personal information that could be used to steal your identity.

This is all unfortunate because there are, and have been, many great professional dominants with lots of experience in online D/s who have been making their living for a long time.

There are also lots of people looking to have a D/s relationship online.  My suggestion is that you keep looking. It’s difficult to sort the spam from the legitimate, unfortunately, but real people ARE out there.  Good luck!

Question:  I wanted to ask you a question.  I saw a captioned picture of a female slave orally servicing a big male penis and the caption read, “Reblog if sometimes you just want to be used”.  While I couldn’t relate to the specific activity, I could relate to the occasional desire to be taken by a Mistress and used as a playtoy without any sexual relief or reward.  And I got to wondering, can a heavily-leaning D type (i.e., not a switch) relate to or even fathom having such an emotion?

B.J.’s Answer:  Thanks for the tough question!  Without some modicum of understanding the other side of the spectrum, a D or an s is only getting half of the equation.  I’ve spoken with D’s who have “switched” to experience a sub session, and vice-versa.  I know many people who said they learned how to be a better dominant by being a sub, and vice-versa.

But the question is about comprehension.  Without understanding or empathy, a dominant is simply a bully, and the D/s encounter is strictly sadistic.  If that’s your kink, great.  If not, find a different dominant.

With the nuance of tease and boundary pushing, a good dominant needs to know when to push and when to pull back in order to provide her sub a heightened erotic encounter.  A scene with someone who doesn’t know how a sub thinks and acts will most likely feel more perfunctory than personal.

There was an element of “do they crave it” to your question.  That depends upon the person.  I think someone who’s a switch could more easily crave a role-reversal from time to time.

It’s an interesting question.  Plus, it would make a great icebreaker at a kink convention or on a first date.  *grin*

Sean’s Answer:  The short answer to your question is “why wouldn’t they?”  Why would it be impossible for a “heavily leaning D-type” to understand such an emotion?  If the D has a high degree of empathy and emotional intelligence, he/she should also be capable of understanding total surrender.

A good D should be able to comprehend the question you pose, in my view, because a good D must understand what drives that level of submission.  Perhaps I’m not getting the point of your question.

I completely agree with B.J. that there are some people who cannot relate to what you’re talking about simply because that’s not how they’re wired.  Submissives should avoid these people like the plague.

I hope this is answers your question.

Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered?  Use the contact form to submit your question.  All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.

For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.

Happy reading,



drive-in: Image by Bernd Schray from Pixabay
ask: Image by Dean Moriarty from Pixabay
why: Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay