Happy September!



I hope everyone is safe, happy, cool, and dry.  You don’t realize how important “dry” is until you deal with a wet basement.  Sadly, that’s not a euphemism!

While focusing on the kinky convention review, I have neglected some other things, so let’s get to it.

For fellow bdsmlrs [NSFW link to my blog: https://bj_frazier.bdsmlr.com/], the battle of the bots continues.  It seems as more bots have discovered the site.

I’ve talked about this before in bdsmlr [the link is SFW but the rest of my blog is not] and in previous blogs.

Another aspect of the bot/scam world I recently became aware of is that there are users who are also posing as dominant men.  Their messages seem to have a different tack.  They message with compliments, how they’ve followed your blog for a while, etc.  Do not be fooled because they are also (or the same) bots.

It also bears repeating that your desire to be a good sub should not take precedence over common sense.  Think for a second:  Dominants do NOT generally approach subs and invite them into a D/s relationship.  Period.  And certainly not outta the blue.  Ever.

For those of you smart enough to know that a “hey sissy” or “hi slave” DM is indicative of a bot, it’s easy to delete and/or block that user.  However, I ask you to PLEASE not ignore these.

The admins cannot patrol each blog and each DM all the time.  They have asked for help in keeping our community safe.  Instead, please send them a report.  Put “Potential Bot or Scam” in your subject line so it gets addressed first.

I have an excellent relationship with the bdsmlr admins, and I am happy to report that they are quick to investigate and ban problem accounts.

Unfortunately, this is a tireless pursuit.  So let’s do this together and keep bdsmlr relatively free from bots!  Thanks for your help.




Christmas Novel ~ with a working title of “Merry Kinkmas:  A Domme for Christmas”.

I love to chill with my daughters and watch Hallmark Christmas movies on TV.  We excitedly scrutinize the new offerings each year.  As such, we’re great connoisseurs of the tropes and realism problems, but we love the magic of the holiday season.

While watching last year, I thought, I could so spoof these tropes!  I kept notes for several months until I was ready to start writing.

And I have to say, I am IN LOVE with this book!  I have talked with many of you individually in smedia.  To my delight, you also are aware of the made-for-TV tropes.  Some of your comments were so funny, I had to share…

The first is from my editor, Thomas Antonson, to whom I’ve been reading as I write.  He has chuckled after each section and told me, “Your readers aren’t going to know whether to laugh or jack off!”

And a couple of other comments from bsmlrs.  I haven’t asked for their permission to credit them, so I am keeping their anonymity.

“The Xmas novel sounds intriguing. I can’t stand the Hallmark holiday flicks.  25 movies with the same boilerplate theme, same white people in each of them, bah fucking humbug!  Give me an Xmas movie where Santa’s taking it in the ass from Mrs. Claus, or the sultry elf who’s tired of Santa’s shit and shows him who’s boss.  He’ll soon learn he’s her Ho Ho Ho.”

“High-pressure career woman takes a trip to a rural area and falls for a quiet single dad, except then she gets him on a St. Andrew’s cross? …I might not have the best grip on Hallmark Christmas movies. [laughing emoji]”

Feel free to share your comments with me.  Also, give me your thoughts on the title.

Collaboration Series ~ We have two novellas drafted, and we have our arc for the rest of the series, which we think will be five books.  You’re gonna LOVE these!

My collaborator is brilliantly detail-oriented, and we’ve added key elements along the way to provide a rich storyline.  Once we’re about halfway through the draft of book three, I should be able to release the first one.  By that point, everything should be in place.

I can’t wait for you to get your hands on ‘em!



Kinky Convention Epilogue


The communication about the GWNN Bash was huge.  People I haven’t spoken with in a long time reached out, and it was cool to reconnect.  There was so much chatter, I had to share some final thoughts, again, keeping things anonymous…

“Hey BJ, How are you doing?  I read your first blog.  Sounds like you had a great time!  Glad to hear things worked out well.  All the conferences I have been to, there is one constant I have found, something will always go wrong.  You just have to take [it] in stride and be creative . . . I wanted to write you about your first blog before I read the next.  I am looking forward to them.  Have a great day.”

“I picked up a little bit from each interview but the most encouraging part was when Dr. Bob said he didn’t get into kink until his 50s.  I’m 65, so that helped a lot.  My favorite parts, however, were your descriptions of the Bash.  The classes and events you went to, the questions you answered and even the problem with your banner.  It made it feel like I was there.”

“It sounds like handling a whip is very much like fly fishing.  That may be an assumption as I’ve never been on the giving or receiving end of a whip.  Maybe I can work my way up to be on the receiving end some day.  (I think I have to go through floggers, paddles and crops first.)”

If you missed the Bash reviews, you can find the first one here: https://www.bjfrazier.com/blog/how-was-the-bash/

And that’s the end of the GWNN Bash 2022… buuuuut there is another Special Event coming up!  Take a peek at my Kinky Links page to see if you can figure out where I’ll be!





The first is actually a comment from someone new.  We had talked in bdsmlr, and I referred him to my Creative Survey (which is open to anyone over 18+ to vote. Go to my NSFW bdsmlr blog and search #Creative Survey to get the latest one… they come out every Tuesday and Friday!)  He told me:

“Yes Ms. please and thank you for including me. I really have followed and participated. I just figured I hadn’t “made the cut” with regard to your comments. You seem very hands-on and very caring to us subs that follow you. Thank you.”

By “my comments”, he means my Creative Survey Results Post (which also comes out every Tuesday and Friday).  I include everyone’s responses, and I make comments on the meatier votes.  Because he didn’t see his vote in the results post, he figured I either didn’t like it or didn’t want to include it.

I’m mentioning this because I fear he may not be alone.  So let me say a coupla things.  First, the surveys have ending times, which are marked in each post.  Voting ends at 7A, EST on Tuesday and Friday mornings.  Once I collect the votes, I don’t return to those surveys.

Second, I include all responses.  So if you don’t see yours, it means I didn’t get it.  If you voted but don’t seen your vote, please DM me.  We all know about the problems with bdsmlr messaging, but I also list the surveys in Twitter.  I have two accounts, a safe one and a naughty one.

Let’s get out the vote!  🙂

Question:  Are there any kinks you’re just blah on or maybe don’t like or are maybe even put off by but that you write about because you know your audience will like it?

B.J.’s Answer:  Thanks for the question.  I write because I love to tell stories.  While I have an advertising background and the goal is to live solely from my books, I never want to “sell out”.  Meaning, I won’t write something just because it’s what people want to read.

Put another way, if I wasn’t excited about the subject matter, you, as the reader, would be able to tell.  It’d just be shit.

Now, do I write about things that I don’t agree with or sexual situations I’ve never been in–nor want to be in?  Yes, absolutely.  However, it’s important to the character or the plot line.  I also have written things that I’m opposed to in order to show the negatives.

Huh, politics embedded in erotica? Who knew? *grin*

Sean’s Answer:  I assume my audience likes what I like or they wouldn’t read my work.  So, for the most part, what I write is contained in the universe of things I like or would like to try.  Why would I write about something in which I have no interest?  I’m not going to list the types of kinks that I don’t enjoy (which does NOT imply any disapproval or judgement on my part).

Question:  In your view, is “Purple Rain” the best song ever? ; )  i.e. Is the purple thing becoming overdone and annoying for you yet?

B.J.’s Answer:

I’ll admit, when I first read this question, I was like, hmm, what an odd question.  Then I realized, *purple*!  And I chuckled.  After communicating with this person more, he clarified the second part.

A quick glance at my bdsmlr blog [NSFW link https://bj_frazier.bdsmlr.com/] reveals a lot of purple.  Many people send me posts with purple in them because they know I love purple, and most are captioned to include me.

In fact, last week, I got a DM from someone new saying he didn’t know what the game was, but he thought he’d send me something purple.

So the true question is, am I getting sick of purple posts?  No.  On the contrary, I love that people want to connect with me.  And I especially love getting posts to reblog, because that makes my job easier on the content side.

For the next couple of months, though, I’d love for you to send me *green* posts, as it’s Spartan Football season!

Massive respect for Prince, by the way.  I’m a huge fan, and not just because of his love for the majestic color.

Sean’s Answer:  In spite of the fact that my publisher is obsessed with all things purple, I cannot, with a clear conscience, agree with the idea that “Purple Rain” is the best song ever.  It’s a good song, possibly even a great song, but not the GSOAT.  Having been raised in Wisconsin, I am not a fan of purple in any form. I prefer GREEN & GOLD — Go Pack Go!

*giggling* at Sean’s answer. Addendum: Do *NOT* send me green and GOLD posts! 🙂

Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered?  Use the contact form to submit your question.  All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.

Thanks for the great questions and comments!

For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.

Happy reading,