Thanks for the comments and feedback on the first post! (<–in case you haven’t read it yet).
I realize you’re excited to hear about the classes and parties I went to–and I will share that–but I really want to stress the importance of people. Before I traveled, I received a lot of warnings from vanilla friends about the kind of people that go to these events, and that I may not be safe.
I think it’s because of those perceptions that I conducted interviews… so I could share them with you. As I said before, underneath everything, they’re people. And together, they are a close family.
* ~ Meet Dr. Bob ~ *
At the cornerstone of kink education and mastery is Robert J. Rubel. Multiperv told me he was someone I needed to meet because he is well-known amongst kinksters across the country. I was intrigued.
“Dr. Bob”, as he’s commonly known, was a vendor stationed kitty-corner from me. His facial hair is white but his eyes are young. I had seen him quietly tending to his booth, engaging people in conversation if they happened to stop and chat.
His aura is serene, gentle and content. He readily agreed to speak with me. After I pulled up a chair and said I wanted to interview him for my blog, he asked what I wanted to know.
I told him that I knew he had run the gamut of the kink spectrum and asked, “How old were you when you came into your kink?”
“Fifty-six.”
I was shocked and wanted to know more. Dr. Bob is soft-spoken yet direct. And in his quietly calm demeanor, he explained that his wife was non-orgasmic, and he went on a mission to understand and fix it.
Dr. Bob gets his title from being a master of kink, including BDSM and Master/slave, but he also has a Ph.D. in Sociology. Accustomed to research, he dove into his “studies”.
That process led to his first book, Squirms, Screams and Squirts.
From there, Dr. Bob immersed himself in the kink community. He started with swingers in the late ‘90s, and listed his long C.V. of accolades since. Dr. Bob confessed that before he entered kink, he couldn’t speak to women.
Since 2007, Dr. Bob has been a presenter at kink conventions as well as a vendor. He has taught classes on creative pussy play, leather protocols, fire play, and Master/slave relations. Additionally, he has written several educational books.
He gifted me two of them… stay tuned for a review of same. I’m excited to “get between his covers!” :p
Starting his kink path as a Master, he has owned slaves… and he is currently owned by a female, Goddess Indigo, whom I also had the pleasure of meeting.
Dr. Bob explains, though, that while he is a psychological switch, he is not a bottom sexually. You’ve heard it many times–the majority of great sex takes place between the ears. The play of power exchange is thrillingly cerebral.
Note the emphasis on “power exchange” as opposed to control, because, as Dr. Bob points out, both parties are consenting; therefore, it’s an exchange. He further delineated the labels of Dominant, Daddy and Master.
What’s the difference? A dominant engages in power exchange, whereas a daddy nurtures, and a master utilizes authority transfer. Dr. Bob gives credit to the gay leather community for identifying the distinctions.
I will wrap this up with a family element. Dr. Bob told me a secret: He would be collaring his little the next day. It was a surprise to her and a big deal in the Master/slave community. And he invited me to witness it. What an honor!
I wanted to attend but, unfortunately, I had to catch my flight home. I’ve since communicated with Dr. Bob and have been told that the ceremony was a great success, and his little was surprised and happy.
Search for Dr. Robert J. Rubel on Amazon and check out his many books.
To Dr. Bob ~ It was a pleasure to meet you, and I look forward to your books!
* ~ Playing with Pain ~ *
The first class I attended was “Playing with Pain” by the keynote speaker, Hardy Haberman. From his info page, “Hardy Haberman is an American author, filmmaker, educator, designer living in Dallas, Texas. He is a prominent figure in the leather/fetish/BDSM community, and a frequent speaker at leather events and contests.”
The class began with Hardy introducing himself and how he first learned about kink and pain.
Then he explained how a person’s pain and pleasure sensors are located in the same place. [For more information, here is a U-M article about dopamine.]
A good dominant can provide pain and help a sub transform it into pleasure. Of course, Hardy also points out that you must have good communication and know your partner to avoid “bad pain” and understand limits.
Hardy gave several examples of different cultures who incorporate rituals where pain transcends into pleasure. For example, in Malaysia, there is a harvest festival where people pin pieces of fruit to their bodies. The pinning, as you may have guessed, causes bleeding, but it’s not excessive.
Live, tribal music accompanies the gathering, and the people dance. Dancing makes the fruit move, which induces more pain. As they sway to the music and focus on the harvest, though, there is a morphing into pleasure.
Hardy explained that he couldn’t duplicate the same play for class because of the blood. So he swapped alligator clips for safety pins.
The c
lass then shifted from lecture to demonstration. Hardy played music with a strong drum beat and called upon a sub, who stripped to his underwear. Hardy explained their relationship as he affixed homemade chains to the undersides of the sub’s arms, which were outstretched. The ends of the chains were equipped with alligator clips.
The sub felt each clip’s bite, and sometimes Hardy had to pause. Hardy would whisper in the sub’s ear and caress his back. The sub would signal when he was ready to proceed.
The final chains were affixed to the sub’s nipple area.
The audience watched as the sub accepted the pain. Soon, he was swaying with the music, with the chains moving rhythmically.
In a flourish, Hardy removed the chains, which also caused pain. The sub, though, prevented Hardy from removing the final ones; opting instead to yank them off on his own. The class erupted in applause, appreciative of the effort, showmanship, and, for this participant, happy for the sub’s enjoyment.
While the pain level was more extreme than my tastes, I thoroughly enjoyed the connection between the Dominant and his sub. Proving that, no matter your kink, communication is essential.
* ~ Still More to Come ~ *
I’m ecstatic that you like the Bash coverage. I have more to tell you, and I promise I won’t make you wait as long for the rest. Look for the final two parts of “How Was the GWNN Bash” this week!
In the next two installments, I will tell you about my Whips and CBT classes. And I will introduce you to several more people. Yes, I will speak about the party as well.
As Multiperv pointed out… you don’t have to go to a kink convention to experience kink. You can read one of my books instead… it’s cheaper, and you certainly won’t have to subject yourself to the unbearable *heat* that infiltrated the air conditioning! *grin*
Collaboration Update. I spoke with my collaborator twice since returning from GWNN Bash. And we both wrote this weekend, getting Book Two to 75% completion.
This morning was our last chat, and we’re so excited about this series. After many brainstorming sessions, notes and background written, the scenes are basically writing themselves… hmm, does that mean I have to credit the characters, too?
On the horizon is a title. Hopefully. I’ll let you know when we have it.
Thank you for your interest in this series. I’m telling those who have asked that we hope to have the first book published sometime in October or November.
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
