I love the interaction with you about the Bash review posts!! And I love how interested you are in reading more.
Get me your comments early so I can include them in the next, and final, review post.
That post is slated to be published Monday.
If you came to this post first about the kink convention, I suggest you start with Part 1.
* ~ Feedback ~ *
I’m glad you enjoyed Dr. Bob’s interview and reading about the Bash in general. I heard from some GWNN people who weren’t aware that Dr. Bob’s delve into kink didn’t occur until later in life! Plus, a few of you expressed interest in getting his book(s). If you do, please let me know which one(s) and what you thought.
You’ve asked a lot of questions that I think will benefit those who haven’t asked–but probably had similar questions. So I’m going to start with those.
A few of the “mature” comments related to Dr. Bob’s kink exploration age. People were reassured that they wouldn’t be considered “dirty old men” for their interest in kink now. If you think about it, sex when you’re younger is all about putting that peg in the hole/getting the hole filled. There’s not a lot of finesse involved.
Depending on personal background, losing one’s virginity generally starts with a committed relationship or is followed by one. Or, after the cherry is popped, sex with different partners becomes the primary focus. I think it’s rare to explore the more cerebral side of sex at that point.
Then again, that’s coming from someone who didn’t grow up with the internet and cell phones. I have come across many blogs in smedia where the user purports to be early 20s and into D/s, so it could be different now [and I shudder to think of a generation whose proverbial cherry was popped with porn… not every pizza delivery turns into amazing sex!]
To the mature middles… you’re not alone. In fact, the majority of people I spoke with at GWNN Bash found kink later in life.
The above is a good prelude for the next barrage of questions about attending kink conventions:
Question ~ Do I need to be a skinny, twenty-something Adonis or Aphrodite to attend and fit in? Coupled with: I don’t have a lot of fetishwear. Would I look out of place?
Answer ~ Absolutely not. As I said in the first review post, there was zero judgment. People accept you for who you are. That said, I’ve been told that in some of the more populace cities, fashion is a more important factor. Perhaps investing in one outfit is a good compromise for the budget, and it may make you feel more confident, even if it’s not a requirement.
Question ~ I don’t have a kinky partner. Are singles common or welcome at these events? Coupled with: If singles are allowed, will a dom(me) walk up and start beating or using me?
Answer ~ I saw individuals, couples, Doms(mes)/subs, Masters/slaves, and squads. The latter was a new vocabulary word for me. Those who are polyamorous like to form small groups they call squads with whom to share their kink. They feel it’s safer and more comfortable.
As to the second part, I am so happy to report that safety and consent were emphatically stressed. Plus, GWNN had monitors who patrolled the area and made sure everyone was safe, for the entire conference. So, no is the answer to that question.
Moreover, though, anyone who walks up to someone and engages in a D/s dynamic without prior consent and/or a thorough conversation about interests, turn-offs and hard limits is not a dominant but a bully.
I will save the other questions for the final review.
* ~ Meet Master Eric ~ *
Multiperv introduced me to Master Eric, who is tall and wears a leather vest with an engraved nametag, “Master Eric”. He is a foreboding presence. However, his warm smile and comfortable handshake made me a fan.
We chatted throughout the conference. One time, he was testing a paddle against his thigh at a booth across from mine. I ran over to provide assistance. But he was too savvy, and clarified whether I would be giving or receiving. I explained that it didn’t look like he was getting the full impact on his own, so I was merely offering to help by striking him harder.
He politely declined through a mouthful of grin. I, of course, told him the offer would stand throughout the convention.
I also had the pleasure of signing a softcover of “Mistress Managed – Trilogy” for him. He didn’t have much time to read because Master Eric monitored the event when he wasn’t enjoying himself.
A prominent and well-embedded member of GWNN, Master Eric took time to be interviewed on Sunday. Like Dr. Bob, Master Eric also confessed to finding kink later in life, and he pinpoints the date to be May of 2005.
Then, he backed up to say that when he was younger, he was a huge gamer. He was big into D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) and, in the ‘90s, got into Vampire LARP (live-action roleplay). Those activities provided confidence to play in a kink realm.
While gaming, a woman had told him that he would love a kinky party or a munch. The comment stayed with him until he heard it again and again. Master Eric lives by the edict that if three women say, “Eric, you should do this”, he’ll do it.
And that first event was May of 2005 when he went to a Voyagers Party. From there, he says he pretty much joined everything he could, and that’s how he found GWNN.
I asked him how he learned that he was dominant, and a wicked smile appeared. He told me that he was at a party where he was engaged with a partner… but in the corner was a Master and his slave, where the Master was stimulating the slave’s sex with an implement. The noises from the toy and her subsequent squeals caused Master Eric to look.
Master Eric explained that every time the corner-Master hit his slave, not only did he affect the slave but Master Eric as well. And that’s when he learned he was dominant.
But he’s quick to add that he does not, and never has, owned any slaves. He has subs. And he’s had as many as three subs at the same time. All those women, however, were too much for Master Eric to manage.
So he worked out a system with them. They got to plan his schedule. His stipulations were that each woman got at least one night a week with him, and that he didn’t attend any event alone.
Master Eric also told me how he met Dr. Bob (highlighted in the second review post). In Master Eric’s early days of kink, he volunteered to do everything, and he was eager to meet everyone. In the parking lot of a conference (which may have been an earlier GWNN Bash), Dr. Bob was retrieving some items from his trunk, and Master Eric offered to help.
Dr. Bob handed Master Eric a fire extinguisher, and they walked to a classroom where Dr. Bob was presenting a fire play class. When they arrived, Dr. Bob asked Master Eric if he’d like to hold the extinguisher for him during the presentation… to which he readily agreed.
Master Eric says he watched a demonstration with a tied, naked woman, and Dr. Bob created a fire between her legs (not a euphemism). Master Eric says it wasn’t until that point that he realized just how important his job with the extinguisher was!
I like this story because it represents the family and acceptance themes I witnessed at the Bash.
To Master Eric ~ Meeting you was a pleasure, and I feel like we could’ve talked the entire weekend.
* ~ The Fun (& sometimes scary) Side of CBT ~ *
A word of warning: CBT means cock and ball torture. While I won’t get graphic, for readers viewing from a vanilla world, you may want to skip to the next section.
If you’re still reading… you dirty devil you! I love it.
Multiperv and I attended this class together. He was great at keeping me on schedule, so I left everything to him and didn’t remember what classes I had told him I wanted to attend. In fact, when I asked–in front of Claire–what this was about, he said, “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.”
At first I thought, hmm, that doesn’t sound familiar nor something I would’ve said I was interested in. But I didn’t question it, because Multiperv had proven reliable. It wasn’t until we were in the class for a few minutes that it hit me he had said it to protect Claire, and I had to stifle a giggle.
The class was taught by Sir_Tender, “a sadistic FemDomme Leather Mistress Sir.” She jumped right in, opening the class with a naked sub on a table.
Sir_Tender explained that she liked to unlock her subs at the start of a session, which she did. Next, she played with clothespins. A good tip is the ordinary, wooden ones tend to work best. She has used mini-clips but they tend to bite a lot harsher.
She also told us about some cheap, plastic clips she had used, where the hinges would break, and it caused tremendous pain. Contrary to the “torture” aspect of CBT, Sir_Tender says that she wants to be able to play with her subs again, so she’s careful not to break them (the subs, that is… and by reference, the pins as well).
There was a demonstration of a “zipper”, which is a string with several pins on it. So named because, once all the pins are affixed, you can pull the string, and they pull off zipper-style.
I learned something new that I’d like to try: The best placement is when the clothespins follow the center line of the balls. The risk of injury is less and the pain isn’t as brutal… just enough to be uncomfortable. And of course, there is the same discomfort when the zipper comes off.
The students in this class were actively engaged, taking notes and asking great questions. I felt most at home here, since it was primarily a femdom environment.
Sir_Tender infused snark with her responses, saying she will carry out a game of squeezing or zippering until she gets bored, because it’s all about her. But she also warned that when the skin turns grey, it’s not a good thing.
She further explained that she will not play with anyone whom she doesn’t know. Recently, she added a caveat that she won’t play with someone until she’s seen him being played with, because that tells her more about the sub’s pain level and how he acts while in a scene.
Not being aware of when her sounding set was last sterilized, she couldn’t demonstrate it but she did pass it around. She joked that whatever you do while sounding, do NOT let go of the end because it will fall in.
I will add that sounding is a medical procedure designed to remove urethral obstructions. The professional medical sounding kits have a sharp angle at the end to aid the removal process… but it’s also perfect to hit the prostate. When performed properly, using the correct size sound, it can cause a spontaneous ejaculation.
However, MANY things can go wrong and can lead to permanent damage. While I have never sounded, I have extensively researched the topic, spoken with men who have self-sounded, and watched porn clips and how-to-sound clips.
Please do not engage in this activity with someone you do not know or trust. And if it’s being done for the first time, make sure you and your partner have excellent communication–and communicate during the process.
Educate yourself, learn with your partner and, if you need more, “Perchance to Dream – Book Five” contains a sounding scene.
The class ended with an arts and crafts segment, where students could make a zipper of their own.
* ~ Still More to Come ~ *
The last installment of “How Was the GWNN Bash?” should be published on Monday. I want to give people time to read the first three… and also, I don’t want to overload anyone’s inbox. Plus, you have fun things to do on the weekend, and now you have something to look forward to on Monday.
Up next, I’ll finish the Q/A (and will probably add more after this one), and tell you about the Whip class. Plus, I will introduce you to Steph (GWNN President) and Raechel, talk about GWNN’s history, and get up close and personal with Christopher… the guy who helped with my banner, from the first post.
No plans this weekend? Treat yourself to a B.J. Frazier book. Plans this weekend? Sneak in some you-time with a B.J. Frazier book.
P.S. If you sign up for my newsletter (at the bottom of this page), you’ll get a discount on your first book!
In between collaborating on the mini-novella series, I am writing a Christmas novel. My daughters and I love to watch TV xmas movies. We carefully scrutinize the synopses of new ones, and we have some favorites. 
However, they all fit into about four or five storylines.
So count on me to poke fun at the tropes that are near and dear to my heart… femdom style.
I am so tickled with my cleverness, and I can’t wait for you to read it!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
