Happy Halloween!
Fun Fact ~ This blog post starts on page 666 of my blog post document!
Unfortunately, the Planet Cybele does not celebrate Halloween. However, Episode 12 was released today!
The Fantasy/Sci-Fi Erotic Soap Opera with Femdom themes is into its second season! Episode 12 merges the Dominion with the Naturalists as Geo visits as an ambassador for Aurora.
Take care to read this incredible space opera in order.
What is Pebbles’ first lesson at BDSM class?
Why is Gemma Cobblestone escorted from the Dominion?
How does Geo and Naqqi’s conversation heat up?
Those questions answered and more questions asked in this juicy episode of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”… with Episode 13 coming soon.
Treat yourself with the latest episode and revel in its tricks today!
Halloween Freebies!
S.B. Medina is offering TWO books for FREE today only!
I read, reviewed and showcased “Dread, Desire, and Damaged Dreams” in a previous blog post. See it on my other authors’ book page. This is great for horror fans. I will warn you that it is a very dark tale… *and* exceedingly well-written, but not for the faint of heart.
The other book is “Bitch in the Box”. I haven’t even read the description–I just downloaded it and can’t wait to read it! S.B. says this one is more psychological.
Let’s see how many people we can get to download these books and then comment on them for S.B. in the next blog post!
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
I FOUND IT! I’m such an idiot! I talked in my second review post about Goddess Severa’s Industry Only class and how She said something in German, but I had accidentally deleted it. I didn’t; it was in another document. It was said in the context of not getting caught up in smedia crap; “just block ‘em” or as the Germans say… “Bumm, aus, fertig.”
I asked toymax to further explain. He said, you can’t translate it word by word, but you use it when someone makes a decision and tells everybody else that it’s a final decision – no more discussion. It’s set and it’s how it is.
Mary from SnM Leatherworks ~ It was great meeting you as well! We loved the interview. I feel like it captures the true “team” in us. [I’m so glad! I saw that you added the blog post to your About section of your FetLife account. Much love!]
SnM Leatherworks About section reads: “Our story in an interview with @B-J-Frazier. https://bjfrazier.com/blog/domcon-nola-2024-second-review/ This amazing author writes some amazing erotica and I highly recommend you take the time to read some of her award winning books ”
Goddess Severa ~ I appreciate the review. Thank you so much. I appreciate you and everything you do for the community. [You’re welcome; it was an honor. The class was a full testament to YOUR selflessness giving back to the community]
rubbug ~ For a minute I thought you were in the parade, and then I was confused when the “being relatively submissive” line came up 😀 I gotta read better. Cool that service pet had a that experience. [haha; servicepet is a cool guy]
It’s cool that education on chastity is being talked about, sizing and materials definitely matter a ton. Sorry, but cage swapping don’t sound right. I made a face when I read that. I’d prefer my little guy locked up in something that wasn’t previously used by someone else. [Yeah, I got a bunch of positive/negative comments on that.]
Goddess Severa seems really cool but it sucks She had to deal with people being ignorant and rude. I’m glad She’s able to help other Dommes with Her experience. [She is an incredible person, and I’m honored to have met and interviewed Her–write-up next week!]
That flogger that SnM is working on for you looks awesome! Bet it stings something fierce. It’s cool that they got a family business out of it. But what is a pervertable? [Here’s a first-look preview of the finished product! A pervertable… you’ve heard me say the kinkiest room of the house is the kitchen, because you can CONvert many items into something PERverted; thereby making it a pervertable *grin*]
Kleinschwanzcucky ~ I’ve read your first post, but I couldn’t think of anything clever to say besides, I would love to be one of your booth boys. [You don’t need anything clever to say, KC. You’d make a great booth boy!]
The last one, the part about male chastity is very interesting. I love that they showcased your fantastic book! And the cage swapping in the end is a very cool twist. [I loved the book part, too. I’m glad you got something out of it, KC]
servicepet ~ Ms. BJ, Thank you for this awesome review. DomCon NOLA 2024 was such a great event. I can’t tell you how thankful I was to have you take control of the hat buying experience. I don’t usually get flustered in a retail setting, but that store had literally thousands of hats. You really saved the day, helped me get an amazing hat, and created a great memory of DomCon NOLA. [When I went to the store with you, I had no idea how much fun it would actually be! The hat is a must-wear when you help me in my Industry Only class in LA!]
Speaking of memories, I want to give a shoutout to the DomCom organizers for hosting the Second Line Parade. I know a lot of us keep the kinky part of our lives very private (and for good reasons,) but it felt so validating to be out on the streets New Orleans, marching with a brass band and police escort with so many beautiful, courageous and sexually expressive humans. I’m already making plans for DomCon LA in June! Cheers! [Awesome shoutout, servicepet!]
sizeerrorprojection ~ I LOVED the interview on SnM Leatherworks! Mary and Sean were fantastic to have as neighbors! I keep meeting more great people like them every time I attend. [100%, sep! And thank you again for my beautiful flogger! Can’t wait to use it :D]
@FemdomUS ~ Read your DomCon review and sounds like it was a huge success!! So happy you had a great time!!! [Thanks, Strappy! :)]
Multiperv ~ Congrats on your big Spartan victory! May you have many more to come! [If only…]
I’m glad you mentioned voting and pointed out the kink aspect and risks with this particular election without getting into other reasons. I worry many on the other side haven’t thought about the possible implications to kink. Hopefully more will now vote. I’ve long advised foot kinksters that they should enjoy foot parties while they can before someone realizes we’re having fun and puts a stop to it. [Thanks, MP; it’s unfortunately something that must be considered]
Servicepet’s second line banner story was also touching, and I’m really glad he was able to have that experience and to view and feel it that way.
I really liked the chastity class review and it made me feel better seeing how difficult the right fit can be. I’ve struggled with that myself. It’s disappointing but the class review helped. And while the idea of a chastity cage swap is great, I think it’s unlikely many walked away with one that was also a great fit. [Good point; and I’m glad you enjoyed]
I really appreciated Goddess Severa’s point about trying to make each session the best. I also liked Her point about them being representatives of the community, and that goes for customers, too. It’s unfortunate how much hassle and poor treatment She’s had to receive from others along the way. [She was very open and honest and a delight to listen to!]
[Re SnM Leatherworks] “The more you take away, the more the leftovers are heightened.” What a great way to summarize sensory deprivation! I look forward to seeing the suspension cuffs some day. I hope your readers, including me, remember to tell them where they learned about them. I’m going to check out their website once I send this. And that flogger does look really nice. [Cool! Look at the actual flogger in here!]
That flogger that SnM is working on for you looks awesome! Bet it stings something fierce. It’s cool that they got a family business out of it. But what is a pervertable? [Here’s a first-look preview of the finished product! A pervertable… you’ve heard me say the kinkiest room of the house is the kitchen, because you can CONvert many items into something PERverted; thereby making it a pervertable *grin*]Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
B.J.’s Online Book Club
You voted “Eli – Book Five ~ Triumph” to be the next Book Club book!
The next Online Book Club is Saturday, December 7, 2024 at 4:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
It’s Time to Get Green!
Spartan Green, that is. Well, it wasn’t pretty, but we DID play a great game. If only the score reflected it.
See some good green posts? DM them to me.
And GO GREEN!
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
DomCon NOLA 2024 – Third Review
If you missed the first two, here are your links:
A quick reminder to everyone who had books signed at DomCon NOLA 2024 – Make sure you download your *free* ebooks because your coupon expires on November 18, 2024. Additionally, for those who preordered “Mistletoe Bound”, you will *not* get a gift in your inbox on Christmas Eve if you do not use your coupon.
I sent everyone an email with coupon codes for your free ebooks. If you did not receive that email, please contact me.
Around Town
Once again, sizeerrorprojection (sep) was the curator of our cuisine. We started at Shaya Restaurant, which is an Israeli/Middle Eastern restaurant with vegan offerings for servicepet. Everything about the place was fabulous… but the acoustics could’ve been a tad quieter. Two thumbs up!
Atchafalaya was an upscale place that everyone loved, except me. My shrimp was plated with their bodies and heads. <–‘nuff said.
We had time before one of our reservations, and sep took us to a nearby pub with a live jazz band. Mahogany Jazz Hall was small and crowded, and I felt like I was encroaching on the drummer’s 
space, but it was vibrantly fun, and the music was awesome! The memory of it still makes me smile.
Mambo’s was a fun place close to the hotel, and it was packed. Food and ambience were great!
It being Thomas’ first trip to Nawlins, we *had* to take him to the original Café du Monde for chicory coffee and beignets. YUM! There was a two-man “band” right outside of where we sat who started out really well 😀
During our walk, I came across a historical sign that I’m including here, because it taught me things about the city; like why it’s called the Crescent City!
On Sunday morning, we had to say good-bye to Thomas and servicepet, and sep and I ate at a local restaurant, the Parish Diner (ha). But it was great food, great people, and great “neighbors”. Two couples sat down next to us, coming from church. In fact, one of them was the pastor. His friend lamented how the Good Lord didn’t see fit to allow him to keep his hair, and was jealous of sep’s full head of hair. Fun and witty banter exploded… and it wasn’t until we left the restaurant that I realized I was wearing my B.J. Frazier Publications T-shirt *grin*
Classes
Impact Play from the Bottom’s Perspective; Insider Tips to Make Your Scene as Fulfilling
as Possible for your Victim – JessamineNY ~ by sep
Michelle is from Buffalo, and has a long history with New Orleans since 1999-2000 New Year’s Eve. She typically made 10 trips per year. She is a bottom leaning switch, evolving towards a top and has been in the scene since 1995, practicing mostly in public settings, e.g. – clubs, conventions, and parties. Michelle is a heavy bottom. Very heavy. She is a red-haired, pale-skinned woman of moderate height. She originally felt pain to be a punishment but is now a masochist and is evolving into a top.
She has discovered through the years that she is not “weird”. The class was geared towards newbies.
Negotiation
Her favorite negotiation technique is for the bottom to choose the implements. She uses it as an ice breaker about why they’ve been chosen. It’s easy to determine if the bottom is more into sensation impact play or pain. This type of negotiation provides clarity into how much of a sadist the top is, and how much of a masochist the bottom is. Both parties share how they feel about each implement.
The top should ask why the bottom has NOT picked certain toys–making sure the bottom understands there’s no negotiation to get the unpicked toy into play. The bottom shouldn’t feel pressured to express his thoughts and desires. The two parties should also discuss toys the bottom is unsure about, and ultimately feel encouraged to evolve so that both parties can gain maximum pleasure.
It’s important for the top to learn to interpret body language. Is the bottom’s head whipping back and forth? Are their muscles tense? Impact on tight muscle groups can hurt much more than on relaxed ones. How hard and fast are they breathing? Is it because they’re trying to maintain composure or spiraling out of control? Applying what you’ve learned during the negotiation to determine what the bottom’s cries mean. And of course, check in.
Basic Knowledge
~ People prefer to be warmed up, rather than just pulling out a heavy implement and wailing on them.
~ People respond better to impact with brief resting periods.
~ People prefer intimacy – touch, talk, praise, laughter
~ People tend to prefer thuddy to start, and stingy later
Better to be too gentle than too harsh. You can always add more later, and it’s important to build trust.
Start with light impact play to increase endorphin levels. This will allow you to play longer, harder, and you’ll be able to play with the same bottom again sooner. You’ll have to watch for body reactions that indicate the bottom is getting excited.
Starting light is great to prepare their body but it’s also psychological. It helps encourage feelings of safety and acceptance. Some subs try and maintain a meditative headspace (me). Tops don’t have to accept this and should feel comfortable driving bottoms out of this space within the limits negotiated. Feedback is needed from bottoms you don’t know very well. Some tops prefer bottoms to be uncomfortable and less accepting. A top should be deliberate her choices in order to get to the desired place within the limits discussed.
Stair Stepping
Stair stepping is a period of impact followed by a brief cool down, followed by impact at a higher intensity, followed by a brief cool down, and so forth. Some bottoms don’t like the breaks because it takes them out of sub space, but breaks can help them mentally and physically climb the ladder of intensity.
The amount of pain one can take is directly tied to a masochistic mental state. When you are overloaded mentally, it makes it harder to deal with the continuing pain. So. Figure out if your bottom needs the breaks or not. It’s best to start with breaks and change if necessary.
Intimacy
Touching can be incorporated into the scene. Wrap your arm around the bottom’s waist. Your sub’s head space may be infiltrated by, “What is this motherfucker about to do to me that he needs to hold me this way?”
Talk to your bottom. Whisper in their ear. Pull their hair and shout at them. Laugh at their situation. Watch their reactions carefully and figure out where you want to escalate.
Aftercare
Most people need it. Michelle is a self-proclaimed weirdo and often moves from bottoming straight to topping because she is so energized after bottoming. She finds that it’s usually best to leave talking after cuddling and water/electrolytes, but to make sure that discussing the scene happens.
Advice
Choose your top wisely. If you watch them play, you can provide direct feedback to them about what you saw them do and how it would work for you.
As a bottom, be sure and tell your top if you are bad at calling red. Michelle shared a story when her top beat her until she was involuntarily covering her breasts to protect them, ordered to lower them, and she was beaten until black marks appeared on her breasts. Her legs were slick with her cum. The people watching were horrified, but she loved it.
sep ~ Thanks for attending the class and sharing it with us. It sounds like you enjoyed it and found new things to try!
Interviews
Goddess Aroya
I had the pleasure of crashing into Goddess Aroya’s wonderful energy at DomCon LA. We immediately connected, and she invited me to be a guest on her podcast, Elevate and Dommenate. If you missed it, you can listen/watch in many places, but here’s a YouTube link.
I sat down with Goddess Aroya at DomCon NOLA to learn more about this vivaciously infectious woman… who only recently got into kink.
Her list of accomplishments include: vocalist; lyricist; composer; producer; phone sex worker; fitness instructor. Goddess Aroya has been in music for over 20 years. In fact, her father, Fred Lewis, was in the funk group Lakeside. They had a number one R&B hit, “Fantasic Voyage” in 1980.
So how did she discover kink? About 10 years ago, she met a gentleman who said, “I’m a model. I own a modeling agency, and I want your info.” Goddess Aroya knew he was bullshitting, but they started to talk.
He was big with the compliments, including how much he loved her voice. He said he would pay her $50 every time if she let him call her. Goddess Aroya thought, “He might be weird, what am I doing… but I need the money.” Also, the only encounter was talking, so it was okay in her mind.
Then, he began to make requests, like, he wanted her to smack his balls with a paddle. Goddess Aroya said no way, because she thought he would die. He offered to have someone show her how. But Goddess Aroya just wasn’t going to do it.
At that point, Goddess Aroya said, “move forward 10-15 years,” and she made a “brrrr” sound while rolling her arms. So, not only does Goddess Aroya have an amazing voice, but she is equipped with sound effects! *grin*
While she was working as a fitness instructor, she approached another instructor, who was a domme, and asked what it was all about. That woman worked at the old Sanctuary (Mistress Cyan’s dungeon) and took Goddess Aroya to a recruiter.
At that point, Goddess Aroya made a shorter “brrr” sound while rolling her arms, and said three years after that she had established a podcast. Initially, it was called Trap Bootcamp Podcast. It was during COVID, and she had that fitness instructor/domme come on the show. As Goddess Aroya interviewed her, she learned more about the scene.
Goddess Aroya brought the woman back on the podcast, and, even though they talked about fitness, sexy questions were also a part of it. Those shows were good and they had fun. Goddess Aroya started to research and realize that she was kinky. After the domme would say something, Goddess Aroya would say, “I do that!”
Goddess Aroya thought, “You can make money doing this?” And that’s when her research amped up. She likens it to training. “I provide client care and help them reach their goals.” It’s mutually beneficial and intimate because when her clients reach a goal, Goddess Aroya feels powerful. It’s a power exchange when the client learns and the instructor teaches.
From there, she started to go to parties at Venus in Belles. Sorceress Bebe and Mistress Kayla took Goddess Aroya under their wings and helped her with photoshoots… mainly to add some sass into them. Her mother used to be a runway model and also helped her. Goddess Aroya was able to sit in on sessions with professionals. She wasn’t paid but she got a front row seat in the College of Kink. Goddess Aroya loved the learning process, and admits to still learning.
She says it’s been a great journey. Interestingly, she contrasts it to the music scene: There, people are fake, and there’s no consent and people are not being safe with others. Yet, the music business is highly regarded in our culture. Whereas, the kink scene has a stigma of devil and demon, when it’s actually filled with consent, communicate and care.
Goddess Aroya has learned that she doesn’t need to change for any man. She’s dated a lot of dominant men but realized she doesn’t like dominant men. At the beginning of her kink journey, she realized she doesn’t have to impress anyone anymore. And her early sessions were about releasing things. “You don’t like me? Okay. Bye.” Even though it hurt, she didn’t fall apart from it.
Goddess Aroya gets a lot of flack from black men for being dominant. However, women think it’s cool. There’s still a stigma associated with being a pro domme, and Goddess Aroya seeks to erase it with communication. Especially the stigma that says women can’t be sexually dominant and still be caring. She does not like that one, because black women are already viewed as dominant and angry.
For her first session as a professional, Goddess Aroya wrote out the scene, and she had the paper with her. After a bit, she stopped referring to it and went with the flow. But things weren’t 100% smooth. The guy asked for a golden shower, which was not pre-negotiated. She felt stupid because she ran out of things to do and hoped he’d just come so she could go home.
When they got to the pegging, he came, and enjoyed it. At the end, she asked for feedback, and he said he enjoyed it all. Upon reflection, Goddess Aroya said the guy has been in the scene for 30 years, so he probably didn’t want to hurt her baby domme feelings… and he hasn’t been back. But she learned a lot. She admits to not having a style or the concentration.
Goddess Aroya is very open about her journey and her life. She offers sage advice to people who are unsure about kink. “Look at yourself and think about why your ego won’t let you have joy… because there’s nothing but joy in the darkness that you think is an evil place. If you look at kink as a connection, there’s nothing dark.”
She also stated that people aren’t dark, regardless of what they want, because usually everyone wants a hug at the end. Goddess Aroya looks for the light in everyone she meets. If she doesn’t see it, she thinks, “Why don’t you have that light? How can I make that come out? Can I tickle your mind? Why your shit’s so dark right now? I wanna understand.”
I saw Goddess Aroya at various times throughout the convention. She’s quick to smile, loves to absorb the classes and try new things. One time I saw her in a dazed state. When she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes. She explained that she had an experience that she was trying to sort out.
She sorted it out in a beautifully raw writing in FetLife. If you’d like to know more about Goddess Aroya, check out her website.
Listen to Goddess Aroya’s shoutout!
To Goddess Aroya ~ Thank you for your openness, how you own your mistakes, and your determination to learn and continue learning. I look forward to getting your feedback on my books, and working with you in the future! More *hugs* in LA 😀
Genesis
I first saw Genesis at the Opening Ceremony at DomCon NOLA 2022, where she co-hosted with Mistress Precious. Genesis was bubbly and warm, and that same energy followed her into the vending area.
When I approached Genesis and asked for an interview, she was flattered and surprised. She bounced into my booth and willingly shared her history.
When did she first learn about kink? She had a boyfriend when she was 23 who wanted to try some things. Genesis asserted that kink doesn’t have to be based in trauma. It’s a way of becoming intimate with someone. Her boyfriend showed her a book with pictures of bondage, like spanking and tying.
The relationship didn’t last, but the book left an impression. She was intrigued, and she began going to porn stores and renting videos; mainly spanking videos. One of the things Genesis remembers thinking is that the mistresses had amazing boots.
The movies featured websites, and she started getting more information from there. She started talking with Mistress Omega, and, a few months later, Genesis traveled from Oregon to LA and spent a week with Mistress Omega. She learned about the scene and was told she could make a lot of money as a sub.
Genesis first started working at the Chateau in North Hollywood. Even though she made a lot of money and gained tons of experience, she categorizes it as “questionable times”.
She shared that in her first session, she just wanted tickling. She hadn’t been acquainted with furniture, and things weren’t tied down. So while Genesis was jerking around from being tickled, things fell on her head. Genesis spoke about the dangers of people not adhering to a sub’s limits and safety.
Smiling, Genesis said, “Thirty-seven-and-a-half years after that boyfriend, I finally got into kink.”
During her first visit to LA, Mistress Omega had introduced Genesis to Cyan, but it wasn’t until later that the couple hooked up. Genesis was doing indie switch sessions in Reseda right before Mistress Cyan mentored her. During that learning exchange, they fell in love.
They’ve been together for 18 years and married for seven. They are business and lifestyle partners. Mistress Cyan has relationships with others based on protocol, and they each get individual time. Genesis said, “The element of trust is very deep when you’re in this kind of relationship.” There is no doubt that the trust between the two women is deep and genuine.
Genesis began her DomCon involvement in 2006, and in 2007 was welcomed onto the Board to be an associate producer.
As DomCon’s associate producer, she offers some great advice for first-time DomCon attendees. There is an FAQ section on the DomCon website, and Genesis says that’s a great place to get lots of information. DomCon is also active on FetLife. Genesis also says to talk with people in the community. She said she’s also open for people to speak with.
Many new people are afraid of being photographed. Genesis said it’s easy to stay away from pictures, and your identity will be safe. One of their priorities is that the convention is discreet.
Genesis also pointed out that DomCon offers different socials that cater to different needs. She cited the Newbie Social is a great one to go to, because you can meet everyone. Also, you can go to classes and meet people.
Knowing what a political advocate Mistress Cyan is, I asked Genesis if she held the same convictions. Genesis said, “For anyone who is wavering… if you don’t vote for Harris, then the choice is Trump. Do you want a man who wants to advocate a 900-page 2025 that will get rid of porn and the whole industry?”
Genesis adds, “Where are we gonna go if dungeons close and events like DomCon are closed down?”
Regardless of your political beliefs, you get to read these reviews, live DomCon vicariously through me, and hopefully work up the courage to attend one in the future. There have been a lot of people who have strenuously advocated to make that happen. And I hope the progress of many is not obliterated. Get out and vote.
Genesis Fun Facts
Her guilty pleasure is watching things on HBO. She loves to binge GoT–in fact, she does so on a loop–and True Blood. Her other guilty pleasure is ice cream, and her favorite flavor is neopolitan.
Genesis admits to being a brat, and states that Mistress Cyan enjoys it. Genesis also said that she likes brats when she dommes.
Her favorite toy to use and to have used on her is the tawse. A close second is the cane.
Her favorite scene is watching people play with fire. She’s always been attracted to fire, and enjoys it when she’s a sub. She uses it sometimes when she doms. What’s the attraction? She respects its power and also embraces it.
Genesis hates hearing people say that BDSM is evil and sick. She says, “That’s garbage. It’s part of who we were. A heterosexual knows who they are and what they will and won’t do. Kink is the same way.” She states that it’s a lifestyle. To the people who dislike it or disapprove, she says, “Don’t think about it, then.”
Genesis revealed that finding BDSM brought her to a zen place in life.
What does she like best about DomCon? “Seeing people I don’t get to see the rest of the year and walking through the vending area.”
To Genesis ~ It was a pleasure to get to know you better. I appreciate your openness and your visibility in the vending area! 😀 I look forward to seeing you in LA!
Preview of Things to Come
Classes:
Raven’s Razors: The Sharp and Shiny Experience
Engaging with Primal Play
Interviews:
Domina Ballerina Goddess
Goddess Severa
Miscellaneous:
Paying it Forward
Stickers
Original Readers and an Early Review
Queen Hilarity and 100 Pokes
Mistress Mia and Agatha
Rookie Booth Boy Musings
Three Daiquiris and Three Dudes…
Tell me what you thought of this post and see your comment in the Community Kink Chat section of the new blog post. And don’t forget to check out my New Releases section!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
