Where Did June Go?
I wasn’t going to share with you what’s been going on with me this month but, when several of you messaged me to inquire about the next DomCon post, I realized it had been longer than I was aware.
A couple of months ago a pinched nerve/disc compression was detected in my neck. I had been effectively ignoring the pain in my arm until I woke up one morning and couldn’t open my mouth, which started this sequence: doctor; X-ray; useless PT; MRI; pain clinic; injection; better PT.
The thing that got me was the injection. I felt drugged, I was slow, and I had a difficult time concentrating… for a week. The new PT and my fabulous massage therapist (whom I call a body whisperer) has gotten me in a much better place.
Thank you for the concern and for reaching out. I appreciate you! Let’s not dwell on the icky stuff because there are lots of amazing things to cover!
Jessie Spectre and I are working on the fifth and final installment of the “Eli” series. If you haven’t started the series, no wo
rries. Begin today. By the time you get through Book Four, we should be verrry close to publishing “Triumph”.
I am in the outlining phase of a new and special trilogy. It will offer something I’ve never done before… to be honest, I’m a bit anxious about it. But more excited than nervous. I think. At least at this very minute, I am.
I’m not ready to share just yet. Hopefully soon. I’ve had some amazing brainstorming sessions with my editor, Thomas Antonson. I hope to begin the chapter outline phase next month!
…consider yourself teased and denied *wicked grin*
Last weekend to vote!
And this time, the vote is close. At the time of writing, “Best Served Cold” was in the lead by only one vote, with “The Service Sub” on its heel. There’s still time to effect the outcome… see how important your vote is?
The next Book Club will be Sunday, July 30, 2023 at 4p EST. DM me to join.
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe For for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
Smedia
Sympathies to everyone who has been the victim of the moral majority obliterating accounts across smedia, namely Instagram.
Klub Verboten is a kink collective that began in 2016. They are currently running a #StopDeletingUs campaign. Read more about it on their website.
Reblogme
With bdsmlr acting like crap and Tumblr booting me, I decided to try Reblogme. I learned how to use the mass uploader, and, for the first day, it worked great! Then the second day, my queue did not publish. That was two days before DomCon, so I couldn’t give attention to it until last week.
Meanwhile, I had sent emails and posts about a correction. But there’s absolutely zero support. They even have a blog where tons of people have complained but no action. On top of that, I’ve seen far too many underaged posts–and I have hardly been on there.
This past weekend, I was DM’d by someone who was especially rude. All of those things together make me think the site’s just a free-for-all with zero support and no policing. At this point, I’m not deleting the account but I’m not bothering with it, either. I’m afraid they’ll pull the plug, like newTumbl recently did.
If you’re active there and find the queue is working, please let me know!
Tumblr
Thanks to cb-6000-lover for telling me that my latest Tumblr account had been reactivated. Apparently it was done right before I left for DomCon. They emailed me with the news and warned that I need to put labels on posts. Mind you, the post that kicked me contained only words. No people, no nudity. *sigh*
This is a recently new account after having been deactivated for a stupid hidden interstitial to bdsmlr. So if you’re there, please help me get the word out by reblogging my posts. Also, send me a DM there so we can reconnect!
Thank you to everyone who messaged me in smedia, celebrating the release of my 50th book. It was a special day, and I was glad to share it with you. Thanks too, to those of you who sent me a drink to celebrate–cheers!
I blathered; you responded. The interaction with you is the best part of these reviews!
Sparky ~ I loved your third installment of Domcon LA, B.J. The interviews were exceptional, and I felt tears welling in my eyes (yes, literally) as I read the sections on Mistress Cyan and Priestess Francesca. Their words of community and caring are exceptional. I loved Mistress Cyan’s message of Receive Through Giving, or Giving Freely with no expectaion of anything in return, as I like to refer to it. And, after reading about Priestess Francesca, I am honored by her attendance at Book Club. Thank you so much for sharing. And, hmmm, that paddle ottoman looks intriguing. I’m going to have to check that one out. [So glad you were able to experience Mistress Cyan and Priestess Francesca to that degree. Both are wonderful humans.]
rubbug ~ In your interview with Master Jim, and you asking about his bi experience, and you had mentioned that he did the deed, and it affirmed his sexuality. It made me remember what you’ve been saying all along, about sexuality and kink not being exclusive to each other. I guess it made me feel better that a dominant man engaged in behavior to please a sub, but it wasn’t something that was in line with him. [I like dispelling misperceptions and normalizing people’s views on alternative sex. I use that term to mean anything that’s not missionary… not necessarily kinky.]
Priestess Francesca sounds great. The way she was talking about healing was really cool, and she had good vibes. The way you described how she started the class was unique, and she offered an open and safe space. Like, she has intelligent hippie vibes, and that’s mad cool. Seems she knows a thing or 2 about psychology, I feel like it would be cool to talk to her. She has a very welcoming smile. Should be interesting to read your interview. All your interviews were cool, seems like everyone can be chill around you. [Priestess Francesca IS cool and what she accomplishes is amazing.]
Multiperv ~ Congratulations on hitting the big 5-0!…on book releases that is. [Thank you, thank you!]
The bit about Master Jim and brats is interesting. Brats, to a degree, WANT to be put in their place, that’s part of the point and fun for him. The taking on related subs thing sounds quite unique. I can understand the temptation, especially if the subs looked alike. Sort of a D/s threesome with twins scenario. [The more professional and lifestylers I speak with, the more I discover they do not like brats]
Servicepet and I have similar stories in our earlier years, including us both being in the DC scene, though at different times. [Now that I’ve expanded to interviewing subs, yours will be next at NOLA, if I go]
I love Mistress Cyan’s attitude about it not being about her. That’s probably hard to maintain after so many years, especially during a 20th anniversary. Nice tease about the idea Mistress Cyan would like. I’m guessing it’s some new event or activity to be added to Domcon. And she liked it but you’re still thinking of NOT going? [You make me smile, MP]
[I forgot to include this in the last post] I was SO happy to read you pushing people to stay involved politically and that they vote in EVERY election, not just the ‘big’ ones every four years. I think failing to do so is part of how we arrived where we are today, with some terrible governors and state senators and US and state reps, too many think just voting for the ‘right’ president will fix everything. But in these days with elected states BOEs and/or school boards considering book bannings, etc. that is clearly not the case. [Agreed! Make sure you vote!]
I liked your conversation with a bot. And I liked how you gave tips on how to tell it was a scammer or bot, like how they would ignore your responses and try to redirect to an offsite means of communication. Good job, and I’m sure you’re saving some would-be victims by doing this. Do you think they’re all bots or are some just scammers on the other end of the connection? [I hope I’ve saved some! I use the term “bot” but, from what I understand, it’s really a calculated system of copy and paste done by humans–but not the dominatrix kind a sub envisions]
Master Jim ~ Thank you so much for your kind words about my interview. I throughly loved our chat and look forward to seeing you in NOLA. [Thank you for sharing… and it looks like I must go to NOLA now]
toymax ~ Congratulations on Eli 4 and of course on 50 hot books! Your interviews are again very interesting – especially the one with Master Jim. [Thank you!]
The part about Priestess Francesca fascinated me. I’ve read it more than once and can’t shake the thought that She must be a real Goddess in every sense of the word. The aura that surrounds Her and the way in which She heals deep-seated trauma do not allow me to draw any other conclusions. I know it sounds very cliché for a sub to write this, but I mean it exactly the way I write it – regardless of my personal attitude. [I fully agree]
I want to hear from you. Tell me what you think of this DomCon review, and anything else on your mind.
DomCon L.A. 2023 ~ The Fourth Review!
If you’re just starting, here’s where to catch up:
The first review
The second review
The third review
Returning to the Opening Night
There have been a lot of posts in smedia recently depicting dommes sitting on their subs. And they reminded me that I forgot to talk about something from the opening night. During the Red Carpet Social, there were long lines. At numerous times throughout the event, subs could be seen on their fours, happily providing a much-needed rest for their goddesses.
The posts you see are not merely studio-generated images but practiced servitude in real life!
The Tale of the Blue, Latex Vest
Servicepet was drawn to several latex clothes during the weekend. In fact, whenever someone would walk by wearing latex, a bit of drool ran down the corner of his mouth.
After a stroll around the vending area, he showed me a picture of a dress he’d been tempted to purchase. I’m not exactly sure whether he asked for my opinion but I told him it didn’t really look like his style. We talked about the dress and why I made the comment, and he agreed. He let go of that dress… but not latex in general.
Claire was also intrigued with the latex outfits. When she complimented someone walking in the vending area, the person offered for Claire touch it. One caress and I think Claire was hooked on latex, too.
Perhaps as a way to live vicariously through servicepet, Claire went with servicepet to one of the latex vendors. After being gone for quite a long time, they both returned with huge smiles and one new purchase: A blue, latex vest.
[Note: This picture is not THE vest. I thought I had a picture of it but I don’t–I’m hoping servicepet will send me one, and I can update this post.]
Servicepet was wearing it–no, he rocked it. As is the nature of latex, it molds to one’s form. But this vest looked like it was made specifically for servicepet. It wasn’t frilly or embellished; just a basic shape that hugged and accentuated servicepet’s torso. Despite its greatness, servicepet had to be ordered to buy it; quite the hard sell by Claire, I’m told.
I know Multiperv wanted to know how Claire was difficult to work with… but it was said tongue-in-cheek to mean she badgered him into buying what may be his best article of clothing. Servicepet tried to turn the tables and convince Claire to buy a piece of her own but that did not happen.
Claire and I couldn’t keep our hands off of the vest, and we hoped he’d wear it to dinner. He didn’t… but it’s good to know it found a good home.
The pressing question to servicepet is: Have you found an occasion to wear it yet? 🙂
Cute Quip
Claire coined this nugget toward the end of the convention: “Never before has there been such a display of volunteerism until it’s time to take out the trash or fill the water jugs.”
She was speaking of the hotel staff and how they tended the vending area. Being right by the door, we saw most everyone come in and out of the room. Multiple times throughout the weekend, we’d see huddles of hotel workers taking out a bag of trash and shuffling in with a water jug, then shuffling out with an empty one.
What comprises a huddle? No less than four workers. Each time. They were painstakingly careful when removing the garbage, and they spent extra time ensuring that the water jug was properly fastened. They worked hard to make it appear that each person had his fair share of the load; though it was difficult on the exit trip with an empty water cooler.
Why was volunteerism so great? For the gawking factor, of course. The hotel staff eyed the wares for sale as well as the people and outfits. I can attest to the fact that the vending area was never riddled with garbage nor wanting for liquid. *grin*
Interview ~ Priestess Francesca
I first met Priestess Francesca at my booth. I don’t really want to say that she walked into the vending area with hair flowing, a brightly glowing aura and singing woodland creatures in her wake… but it wouldn’t be far from the truth. Priestess Francesca has an energy about her that is palpable.
After the introductions, I told her, “All of my books come with warnings.” It was delivered dead-pan. Priestess Francesca nodded in commiseration that we live in a society that requires such warnings. Then I said, “they all contain *plots* and *well-developed characters*.” And I smiled.
She had been fully prepared for me to go in a different direction but, when she got the meaning, she smiled and nodded… and she lit up. After I provided a synopsis of each book, she told me about her School of Erotic Mysteries. She has different modalities and thought my books would be a great accompaniment to her containers.
She invited me to her class to experience more… and you vicariously experienced that in the last blog post.
Who is Priestess Francesca?
In college, she studied mechanical engineering and went into sales. She describes feeling out of place as a 5’2″ female on construction sites in New York City. Her success, interestingly, stemmed from her studies in the kink community.
As Priestess Francesca went on her cultivation journey into ordination, somatic sexology, and femdom, she realized that she was naturally dominant, which came in handy on the “real” job.
When her “side” job was discovered by her supervisor, she was swiftly let go. Reflecting back, Priestess Francesca saw that her corporate job was like “watering a dead plant”, and it was a way to mask. Further reflection revealed that she was ashamed of her sex work. It wasn’t until she accepted herself as a healer whose work was important did she excel in her now-fulfilling life path.
She defines herself in many ways: erotic activist, sexual revolutionary, sexual liberator, ordained priestess, sex worker, sex coach, sexologist, somatic healer, professional dominatrix, and professional submissive. She is surrounded and powered by energy, spirituality and sexuality that combine to help her heal without judgment.
I’ll add that, after being in her presence for a short time, it’s apparent that Priestess Francesca is authentically intelligent. Not only does she speak with a command of the English language but she speaks from the heart. She embodies her beliefs and seeks to disseminate them through organic methodologies.
Priestess Francesca’s speech and teachings, however, do not come from a higher plane. She does not talk down to people, and she does not seek exaltation. Rather, she is a guide “to shepherd people into vulnerable, misunderstood sexual desires as a pathway to liberation, self-revelation and consciousness.”
When people experience mind-blowing revelations and breakthroughs, it’s natural they’d want to herald her. To that end, Priestess Francesca says, “I’m just holding a torch so that you can see in the dark a little bit clearer. Don’t give me your power–unless, of course, we’re in kinky scenes. But on a deep, energetic level, don’t give me your power.”
I asked her if she ever experienced her sub’s feelings so much while she was dominant that she needed to change course; and if so, how she maintained the scene?
Her first answer was that she has an intricate negotiation process where limits are set on the container–her word for scenes and creating space. She says the most important piece of information to gain is how the sub wants to feel in a scene.
She uses toilet play as an example. Does someone want to feel like they’re worshiping her as they drink her piss? If so, that container will sound something like, “Take in every drop of me so that I feel your devotion.” On the other hand, if someone wants to feel degraded, that’ll have a different energy. Or if they want to be objectified, she won’t say a word at all because “you don’t worship your porcelain.”
Priestess Francesca also spends time to get to know and understand her clients. Before she enters a container, she already knows their triggers and their goals. With those in mind, she constructs a general blueprint but she also pivots and flows within the scene while being attuned to her client at all times.
She makes a distinction between attunement and enmeshing. If she gets enmeshed in a scene, “then I get lost in it, and it’s my job to hold the container.” Power play for her is “to attune to them so deeply through the attunement of myself, so that I can pick up all the differences.”
Attunement prevents her from falling into the hole with them. She doesn’t feel all the pain but she knows when she might be encroaching a yellow.
In debrief conversations, Priestess Francesca is often told, “I feel like you were reading my mind. Every time I was about to say yellow, you pulled back and shifted something.” She claims that is the art of attunement, and she flows the way water flows into the river. “It’s going to end up in the ocean but you don’t know how it’ll get there.”
As to the original question of a mishap in a scene, Priestess Francesca shared with me a personal and in-depth story. For confidentiality reasons, I will only highlight the key points. Priestess Francesca is a practitioner of safe play and, in addition to attunement, she regularly checks in with subs during a scene.
Once she had a client who had negotiated BDSM play. While in the container, after playing with several implements, she checked in. He said “more”. After a few check-ins with him saying “more”, though, Priestess Francesca picked up some strange vibes. Even though the scene was following their pre-arranged negotiation and he was signaling her appropriately, she knew something was wrong.
*Priestess Francesca* was the one who called red.
And the client thanked her.
Suffice to say that the aftercare discussion was a huge breakthrough moment. I share the story to illustrate how Priestess Francesca heals.
I have never witnessed Priestess Francesca perform her craft. But it’s her authentic intelligence that proves to me that she practices everything positively and safely within kink… including aftercare.
I tossed out words for her to free associate. Here is Priestess Francesca’s stream-of-consciousness, which summarizes her containers:
Power Exchange ~ “A new paradigm for honorable authority and personalized life of service.”
Truth ~ “Subjective and eternal.”
Priestess Francesca recently founded the School of Erotic Mysteries. If you’re interested in learning more about yourself and kink with others, check out her website. I am currently enrolled in the newest class, which began last week. There is a lot that is included and explored, and I will have more to report later.
Priestess Francesca also is a professional domme. I asked her what she would say to the submissives who are too shy to approach her or feel like their kink is too taboo. She instantly replied:
“I’m not here to teach you; I’m here to love you . . . To me, taboo just means misunderstood. So yeah, it might be too taboo for this world but that’s just because this world doesn’t understand what’s happening here.”
If you’re interested in negotiating with Priestess Francesca, visit her website. Her intake questionnaire is pointed, personal and private. She will also meet with you via Zoom beforehand.
When speaking about her life path, Priestess Francesca has said, “This work is beautiful and so helpful to humans. And it’s such a gift to give souls on their own healing journey.”
I asked Priestess Francesca what erotica authors get wrong? She said, “From my work, a lot of people’s shit comes up through BDSM.” She works with couples starting their non-monogamous journey and coaches people in kink generally. She says books tend to “glamor and play without giving space for real people’s womb. Where’s everyone’s mommy and daddy issues? ‘Cause that’s so real.”
I was compelled to refer to a few real issues in my books. However, her questions are valid. And they spark ideas…
If you’re interested in learning more about Priestess Francesca, visit her website and/or listen to some interviews, like “How to Ruin Your Own Reputation” on YouTube.
To Priestess Francesca ~ In listening to several interviews, I understand I am not the only one who is energetically affected by you. Thank you to the universe for causing our worlds to intersect. I am excited about our continued collaboration, and I hope you can join the next Online Book Club!
Play Party
As you know from my reviews of kink conventions, the majority of the conference is off limits to cameras, and the play party has the strictest adherence to this rule. In fact, at DomCon, you cannot even enter a playroom with a cell phone.
DomCon L.A. had two, large playrooms. Each had ambient lighting and chairs around the perimeter. Various play stations were equipped with spanking benches, St. Andrew’s Crosses, rigging structures, and I think I saw one stockade–maybe two?
Servicepet accompanied me to the play party Friday night. We chatted with new acquaintances and old friends, and we watched several scenes. As we walked through both rooms, we noted a different feel. The smaller room didn’t have as good of a flow. It felt crowded and, in fact, people bumped into active scenes. Yikes!
Despite the mishaps, rage did not fly. The dominants who were affected threw up their hands, shook their heads and looked quizzically at the trespassers–most of whom were oblivious. They all reconnected with their subs and carried on.
Actually, that is how I’d describe all of the scenes in both of the rooms: connected. People played politely; meaning, no one was wanting for a machine or a space, and everyone cleaned their equipment after sessions.
More importantly, though, everywhere around the room, dominants treated their submissives with respect. The connection was obvious, and the trust was apparent.
I watched a scene on the stage in the large room, where a dominant had a sub on a cross. After each sequence of impacts, she would check in, caress his back, whisper in his ear. After a few exchanged words, a new sequence began.
Each playroom had a huge table with multiple water tanks and stacks of cups. While there was no assigned aftercare area, I did witness several dominants walk to the water table and return water to their subs. One maledom even walked with his sub clinging to his body and held the cup for her to drink.
Even at the play party, the theme of healing was alive.
Interview ~ Master Joshua and Miss Cat
The first DomCon review began with the class on BDSM Healing taught by Master Joshua and Miss Cat. It set the stage for the theme of the weekend, and it’s only fitting to end the same way.
After the class, I praised Master Joshua and Miss Cat for their welcoming nature to elicit such an in-depth discussion. Of course, I also asked them for an interview. That’s when I learned about their Power Exchange Academy.
So, when Master Joshua said he was taking notes and learning from the class, he really meant it!
But first, let’s get to know them individually. I spoke with Miss Cat for a long while. Happy belated birthday, Miss Cat [last week]! She is a free spirit who knows who she is and isn’t afraid to share. I’m always honored when people trust me with their stories.
Like Priestess Francesca, Miss Cat had a white light experience at a turning point when she was 29/30. Her epiphany wasn’t kink-related; it was as a matter of life and death. Wisely, she chose life. It was shortly thereafter that she came out as a kinkster.
She went through a period of questioning; was she gay? Was she bi? She discovered that labels weren’t important.
Miss Cat has been in the lifestyle for nearly 13 years. Originally from California, Miss Cat found a tribe in New York. She was an event planner then owned clubs where she’d organize swing and BDSM parties, always creating safe and comfortable places.
When she was younger, there were no outlets for kink. Perhaps because of that, Miss Cat uses her background to organize safe places to discuss and explore kink.
In 2018 she threw a CFNM (clothed female, naked male) party, where she met Master Joshua, and the pair have been together ever since.
Miss Cat graciously offered to walk me through a BDSM scene so I could experience it from the other side. I was tempted and intrigued; however, time did not allow.
In contrast, Master Joshua’s past is filled with kink, and he’s been a professional dom for 10 years. He remembers rubbing his aunt’s nylons when he was five and enjoying the sensation of the texture.
Also when he was younger, he enjoyed the power exchange element of playing doctor and house. And there was a hero element playing with G.I. Joes from the saving side of things. I’ll non-linearally interject here that Master Joshua is a Marine with law enforcement and executive protection background.
He is a self-described “curious shit” who peed on his girlfriend when he was a teenager–and anyone else who gave him permission. Despite his curiosity, he confessed that he didn’t explore his own body until his forties. By that he means self-penetration–he was masturbating since the age of nine.
The shame he received along with the scolding for touching the nylons as a child prevented further self-exploration. It’s why, as a pro, he works at the client’s pace. He views his work as a process and is quick to say, “Not everything is about the sex.”
He told me that people often mistake him for being gay. I confessed to having that same opinion, and referenced his scene with Christopher in NOLA. I asked how it made him feel.
Master Joshua said he doesn’t look at things as having a gay persona; rather, he’s attracted to people’s souls. He’s actually not attracted to men. However, he says “sexual attraction isn’t necessary.”
Both Master Joshua and Miss Cat emphatically state that their work is not just transactional. Meaning, they’re not only sex workers because of the money. They do it to heal. In fact, both utilize a consultation process to determine what someone’s motives are. If it’s simply to get off, they end the discussion.
It’s why they created the Power Exchange Academy. Miss Cat described it as the “evolution of people before kink”. She further explained that, “Who we are comes before what we do.”
Jokingly, she added, when someone comes up to her and asks, “Will you flog me?” she responds with, “Hello, my name is Cat.”
Currently, they have two different offerings in their school. One is called a weekend intensive. It is a weekend getaway in a secluded location. They will also travel if you have space to host.
The first session involves no kink; rather, focuses on who you are. Otherwise termed “share time”. It’s a four-hour, non-judgmental discourse where you write/journal in answer to a prompt. Then you share in pairs. With each question/prompt, people grow more comfortable as they realize they get to speak truths without being judged.
The other offering they call urban, where they meet locally in New York City. Friday after work and Sunday evening to accommodate people’s work schedules.
The goal of the Academy is to “change lives one person at a time”. Put another way, it’s to “find your most authentic self and live it.”
When Miss Cat told me the Academy’s goals, it made her cry. But they were happy tears because she feels so good about the impact they’re making.
If you’d like more information, check out their website. I also found a podcast with Mistress Cyan where Master Joshua is interviewed.
To Master Joshua and Miss Cat ~ Thank you for sharing with me and my subscribers. Your warm acceptance and focus on individuals make you wonderful kink guides.
In Conclusion
DomCon L.A. 2023 was a huge success and a marvelous celebration. It was great to see and get to know people I’d met in NOLA as well as meet new friends.
It’s interesting how each con has a different vibe. Mistress Cyan created DomCon in 2004 to unite professionals and lifestylers. That unity provided a healing in that it ended the question of who was “better”. It’s symbolic that, 20 years later, the discussion still focuses on healing.
Thank you to the kink community for welcoming and supporting me without question or judgment. Happy shoutouts with *hugs* to everyone. I wish I had the time to meet all 56 vendors and attend every class and function because you kinksters are awesome!
Speaking of awesomely welcoming… I hope these reviews have broken down whatever barrier that prevents you from attending kink conventions. You already know privacy matters, so that is no longer a deterrent.
I speak with many of you individually. It is my hope that these reviews have left you feeling somewhat healed and/or understood.
I’m still on the fence about NOLA. Tell me who’s going to their first convention in October and put me over the edge!
As always, I look forward to your comments.
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
