The legal battle continues in this installment of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”. Take care to read this incredible space opera in order.
What do O1 and O2 mean?
Why does Aurora threaten to evacuate the Courtroom?
How does Cozima humiliate Craig?
Plus: Jewel’s embarrassment; Pebbles’ first order; Bauble’s testimony; and more in this episode of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”… with Episode 24 coming soon.
Get your copy today and continue the journey of this Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Erotic Soap Opera with Femdom themes!
If you haven’t started the series yet, you can jump in by getting The First Season at a discount, and don’t forget to get the First Supplement, The Second Season, and Second Supplement, which contain the behind-the-scenes tidbits as well as charts and episode synopses.
A huge thank you to everyone who takes the time to rate and review my books on Goodreads.
We are SO CLOSE… there are only SEVEN more reviews to get to 500 as of publishing. You guys rock! We can do this by the summer!
Check out all my reviews on Goodreads, and like the positive ones… and while you’re there, write some reviews. I know there are many of you who have read and not reviewed yet.
Reviews matter. Plus, you will please me by writing them–win-win! *grin*
Smedia Absence
I visited family in California before DomCon LA, which left me with little time to be in smedia. And when DomCon started, there was ZERO downtime. <–those are happy problems.
If you missed me, I’m back! Bdsmlr continues to have issues with signing in, finding, voting, and reblogging the Creative Surveys. Make sure you DM your votes in addition to reblogging (if you’re able) to ensure your vote counts.
Looking forward to catching up with the DMs.
DomCon LA 2025 First Review
Prelude
If you’re new to DomCon Reviews (and in an effort to publish this quickly), search my blog archives around May/June and November/December for past interviews, etc.
Also, a big hello and *HUGS* to everyone I met at DomCon this time! If you purchased books at my booth, make sure you download your free electronic versions by July 7, 2025. Emails went out with your Coupon Codes. If you did not receive one, please let me know.
People have started to download them, and some have sent cool messages! You guys are awesome 😀
Reflections
On the way to meet the booth boys, I thought about when I first began to write. All those years ago, my only focus was writing the story that was in my head. If someone would’ve told me back then that in 2025 I’d have over 80 books, three authors, and people who would travel to be booth boys at kink conventions, I would’ve rolled my eyes and blown raspberries.
But that’s what happened. And the impact is huge; gripping my heart and bringing me close to tears. I’ve known Thomas Antonson for years, but we’ve never sold together. His booming voice is essential in the vending room. Claire has been my bestie for years–and vanilla–and, when I first told her about kink conventions, she said, “You’re not going alone.”
Servicepet approached me at my first DomCon (NOLA 2022) and said he recognized the name but thought I was a man. We talked more about it this past weekend and realized that we lost our DomCon virginity together *grin* Sizeerrorprojection (sep) DM’d me in bdsmlr years ago, and my DomCon reviews encouraged him attend his first one, and he has worked his way to performing invaluable service in the booth.
I had one more booth boy this year: toymax. Max designed my new banner, showcasing my book covers, which is an eye-opener for customers. This time, he also assisted in the creation of the slide presentation for my Industry Only Writing Class, and he gifted my remote control! Even though Max was unable to travel from Germany to California, he was absolutely with me in spirit.
We all added a little something different in the booth. And one time three of us were talking with three different customers at the same time, sold them all, and there was a lineup of people waiting for me to sign books. Total grooviousness!
It’s more than being in the booth. It’s about a cohesive group of outstanding humans. Spending time away from the craziness of the con is comforting. We can be ourselves, talk politics, family life, kink, whatever… and also give in to heavy doses of giggling. Sadly, this time the giggling was at a minimum but only because we were so crazy-busy at the con that we were too exhausted at the end of the days. <–a good problem.
Together as a silly, fun-loving yet dedicated and motivated group, our first “official” giggle was driving from the rental to DomCon. Sep was our chauffeur, who expertly dodged LA traffic to guide us onto the highway. His first “strong move” crashed Claire against her door, servicepet against her, and myself against him! Servicepet shouted, “S-O-B… Slide Over, Baby!” And our DomCon LA 2025 began with a chuckle.
To Claire, Thomas, sep, servicepet, and Max: Thank you. I am eternally lucky to know you, and it definitely would not be the same nor nearly as successful without you! *group hug*
Around Town
Our chauffeur and chef of reservations, sep, took us to amazing restaurants, all of which get major recommendations from the group.
The first one was Maple Block Meat Company, which was not only yummy but 
entertaining. The inside image is from the perspective of where we sat, looking into the restaurant. We had a clear view of a speed dating event, and we speculated how people were feeling. Naturally, most of them were interested in sep–EVeryone’s interested in sep. Servicepet suggested we walk over to see if it was speed bdsm dating. [We did not follow his suggestion]
We also had a delicious meal at Alejo’s Italian Restaurant, which served hot bread with warm garlic butter <–something Claire wanted to drink because it was so good 🙂 The inside had more of a diner-ish feel to it but the food was stupendous.
Then, sep had to find a sushi place that also served teriyaki, because Thomas won’t eat anything that lives in the ocean. Off to Sakura Japanese Restaurant and Sushi Bar to appease everyone! It was really good… but verrrry noisy, and not because we joined in the singing of “Happy Birthday” or the congratulating of a graduate. Also, I guess I’m not the sushi connoisseur I think I am, because I was lost without sushi roll explanations. :p
To round out our tastebuds, we went to a place sep used to frequent when he lived in LA: Versailles Cuban Cuisine. There was SO MUCH food, and it was all quite tasty. Rubbug’s been after me to try plantains, which I did on vacation with Claire and again in NYC. Both of those times were okay because they tasted more like French fries than bananas. Cuban style, however, was extremely sweet. Not banana-y but also, not for me.
Thanks to sep for taking the decision making pressure off, especially after long vending hours!
Opening Ceremony
We were late to dinner, which made us pressed for time to make it to the Opening Ceremony. Normally, Claire goes to bed while I attend with my booth boys. This time, Claire “got to” accompany us.
By the time we made it to the room, there were no seats, and standing room only was against the back wall… which was heavenly cool.
Mistress Cyan provided background on how and why she created DomCon–the first one was 2004 [If you’re interested in the background, read my first ever DomCon Review post for my first interview with her] She also said, “If you’re here, you belong.”
Five simple words that have SO MUCH impact. When people realize they’re kinksters, they often think they are alone. To find a local community is a bonus, but to find community on a larger scale, such as DomCon, it’s a treasure. Granted, people say many things without conviction. When you listen to Mistress Cyan speak, though, you know it comes from her heart.
I have had the honor of interviewing Mistress Cyan multiple times and can confirm that she genuinely cares about DomCon, its community, and all of its individual members. If you’re new to my blog, I have been reviewing DomCon conventions since I started attending NOLA 2022. You can search my blog archives in October/November and May/June for DomCon review posts.
Mistress Cyan is a huge political activist, so of course she took time to speak about the midterm elections. She made reference to the power exchange we know and love, and energized the audience to use our power by voting so we can abolish Project 2025! If those laws pass, she warned, content creators’ work will be considered felonies, and we won’t be able to gather together at kink conventions. Plus, hotels will be heavily prevented from hosting such events, so we won’t even have a venue. So make sure you are a part of changing history!
The five of us were struggling to stay awake, we were crashing from the high energy of my Writing Class, we’d just eaten pasta (at Alejo’s), standing room only in a hot room (in more ways than one)… so, after I slithered through the crowd to give Mistress Mia a hug, we quietly took our exit.
We got “home” and gathered in the living room for a bit of extra-silly laughing before heading to our beds. Claire was super proud of me, so we stayed up longer to rehash the highlights of the class. When I got a second to check my phone, I found a video message from Mistress Mia saying, “Where are you? You missed your fuckin’ award, bitch!”
I completely forgot that Mistress Cyan highlights the Industry Only presenters at the Opening Ceremony. 🙁 Mistress Mia said someone mentioned that they thought I had gone to the bathroom… so that is how I will be remembered, she told me with her infectious grin. When she saw me the next morning, Mistress Mia asked if I had been to the bathroom, so I don’t think she’s going to forget this for a while. 🙂
True story: On the way out of the Opening Ceremony, Claire asked, “Don’t you want to stay to see if you get an award?” I assured her I wouldn’t get one because I was honored with an award in NOLA… another one I missed; however, that time was much more legitimate. Sep had a medical emergency which prevented us from attending. I am afraid both of my absences will preclude Mistress Cyan from ever giving me a future award! …or maybe it will provide an air of mystery.
Seriously, though, I am humbled and honored to have been included in the Industry Only classes. DomCon has my utmost respect as does Mistress Cyan, and I am grateful.
The Booth
This year was pretty cramped in the vending hall overall, and especially the booth… but that didn’t stop my team from selling the hell outta DomCon!
If I have to create another tablecloth, I’ll make sure to lighten my logo on the right and highlight it in white.
The booth is still pretty impressive overall, is it not??
Classes
Corset and Waist Training – Autumn (Miss Dark Garden)
By servicepet
I attended Autumn’s waist training class on Thursday afternoon. It turned out to be one of the best classes I have ever attended. Autumn is a very good presenter and speaks with authority from her many years of experience making and selling bespoke corsetry. She made her first corset when she was 10 years old and later started Dark Garden custom corsets.
Waist Training vs Tight-Lacing
Waist training and tight lacing are not the same thing: Waist training aims for a subtle reduction in the waist size and improved posture through a process of gradual body contouring, while tight lacing seeks to achieve a significantly smaller waist by wearing a very restrictive (tightly laced) corset.
The waist training process involves wearing a corset for a few hours a day for 3+ days a week. Over time, you can expect your abdomen to adjust to the corset and become more flexible. This will allow you to tighten the corset and continue the process of
reducing your corseted waist size. The waist training works with your anatomy not against it.
Many people involved in waist training feel an emotional connection to their corsetry. This is based on:
The feeling of being “held” by their corset as they move through their day;
Wearing a corset encourages a feeling of confidence and support; and
The feeling of identity and community with other corset wearers
Waist Training Myths
There are many myths that have been associated with waist training over the years. Some of them are:
• 19th century women would have their lower ribs removed so they could tighten their corset and have a smaller waist. There is no evidence to support this myth. One theory of how this myth developed is that the women would break the “bones” of a corset and would then have the broken bones removed and replaced.
• Waist training is the same as tight-lacing.
• 19th century women would frequently faint due to their restricted ability to breath while wearing their corsets.
• Wearing corsets causes abdominal muscles to atrophy.
There is no evidence to support any of these myths.
What Makes a Good Corset
Look for the following attributes when buying a corset for waist training:
Quality materials – cotton-poly blend, leather, raw silk. Avoid 100% cotton due to stretching. Steel bones – Strong and flexible. Proper size – It’s best to try on the corset to ensure proper fit and comfort. Look for quality craftsmanship. The grommets should be small and closely spaced.
Recommendation
With waist training, slow and steady wins the race. Let your corset warm up on your body before tightening the laces. Listen to your body and adjust your corset wearing accordingly. Consider abs training, but don’t overdo it. Ability to stretch is better than building bulky muscles. Pain from wearing a corset is never good. Wear your corset like it’s a hug.
To servicepet ~ Thanks for sharing this class, and you win the prize for the first booth boy to submit his class notes! 😀
How to be Authentically Kinky – HiThereCatsuit & Mistress Selina Minx
by sizeerrorprojection (sep)
Mistress Selina Minx led the class in person while HiThereCatsuit joined us via Facetime. You’ll be able to learn much more about Mistress Minx in Mistress B.J.’s interview from this DomCon. HiThereCatsuit holds a regular podcast “Authentically
Kinky” that interviews submissives, pro doms and lifestyle doms, from around the globe. He is the official podcast of FetishCon and is on YouTube and Spotify. He considers himself a Damsel, not a submissive or a slave. He wants to be captured and held, and experience the feeling of being owned. As he puts it, “I want to be stuck in a moment that I can’t get out of.”
Catsuit defines kink as “Whatever is left when the rest of the world goes away”. It sounds so vague, but I find it to be a beautiful definition. As I tried to break that simple phrase, everything I wrote seemed woefully inadequate compared to it. The challenges to finding one’s authentic, kinky self largely revolve around judgment and fear. Each person has his own normal and, if we don’t live someone else’s normal, there really is no way to understand it. Judging someone’s normal when you don’t live that normal is ridiculous.
Mistress Selina Minx found the LA leather scene at 18 years old. She could never hide who she really was growing up, and was bullied for not conforming. In the leather scene, she found her home. Your first experiences can make you feel uncomfortable, but there comes a point when you find that you are exactly where you belong.
In a discussion about controlled ethical violence, Catsuit described a game where two people exploring their kink can switch top and bottom roles instantly, called “Switcheroo”. You flip a coin to determine who is the top or bottom, then the coin is placed on the winner and, when the other manages to take it, you instantly switch roles. I hope someone corrects me if I got this wrong, but the game isn’t really the point of the discussion, just the vehicle. When the bottom can’t take it anymore they are to drop a glove they are holding when the intensity or pain becomes too much. When Catsuit switched to the bottom role, he threw the glove at the top and yelled, “You can’t hurt me too much!” and the domme brought him to a moment where he realized an intense, single-minded focus that pushed away every other thought. This feeling is what he means in his definition of kink.
What is Authenticity? How do we find a way to experience our authentic selves, the part of ourselves that is raw and hidden from societal norms? Catsuit is also a musician. One night at a gig, he was improvising and feeling really, really, good, losing himself in the music. When he went back to the table where his wife was waiting, his wife said, “Thank God I’m not married to the guy on stage.” Catsuit responded, “That’s the problem… I am the guy on stage.” Kink helps us come to know ALL of ourselves.
Guilt and shame can prevent one from living an authentically kinky life. Guilt is something put upon you from outside yourself. Shame is something you feel on your own. Giving yourself some self-love can help mitigate these feelings and help you accept that your kinky self is part of you and okay. Find a way to decide you don’t care about the shame or guilt. HiThereCatsuit wears a catsuit as it helps him with his anxiety. The suit “holds” him.
In public settings, Mistress Selina described the need to gauge “what can I get away with”, the need to know one’s boundaries in each given situation. You can find comfort in the knowledge that you are maintaining these boundaries. I find I go through this
thought process at every DomCon as we are at a hotel. One can feel shame from pleasing your Mistress in a way that makes you very uncomfortable or is humiliating.
One can feel shame from causing mental or physical harm to a partner. One can feel shame from NOT doing something. Mistress Selina recommended a book on shame called “Healing the Shame that Binds You”. Our brains develop amnesia to protect ourselves, but we have to fight this tendency and work through our “amnesias” in order to heal, accept, and grow. There is a lot of
healing that we can accomplish by working through and understanding our shame. We need to allow ourselves some self-compassion, give ourselves pep talks, challenge our self-criticism to see if it’s warranted, and seek support through our friends,
therapists, or someone we respect from the kink scene. To be authentically kinky, we need to educate ourselves about ourselves and our perspectives.
Mistress Selina reminded us to BE HERE NOW and let go of baggage from our pasts. Catsuit had to deal with his guilt and shame. His fetish was not a choice. He orgasmed involuntarily to Batgirl in bondage, Cat Woman, Robin in bondage, and Emma Peele (from The Avengers) when he hit puberty. As he grew older, he realized he had no choice, that his fetish was a sexual orientation part of who he is.
Mistress Selina told a story of Mistress Vonnie Baton. She was the star of the biggest soap in South Africa. Someone found out about her kinks and decided to shame her. They sent pictures to her house and said they would be published in the Sunday Times
if she didn’t meet their terms. She responded by outing herself to the Times before the pictures were published in order to maintain what she really enjoyed; being a dominatrix. She lost her acting career for a while, but just last year, she was cast in a
movie as a dominatrix. Now she is living AND acting her true self.
The director of the film wanted to know what D/s was all about, so she pulled out a cane and topped him in front of the movie crew, then held a Q & A with the entire crew, who showed their appreciation. She further empowered herself by refusing to accept the guilt of the blackmail attempt, and by doubling down on her authentic self.
The people who are not playing a “role” are the most authentic. To maintain authenticity as a service sub, one has to practice self-care and make sure you take the time to fill up your “tank” of energy and self-worth so you can continue to be your true self. You can recharge by doing scenes. Stay tuned for more about self-worth in a later write-up on a class from this DomCon, Perfecting Your Service from an s-Type Perspective with Miss Blu Thiccc’ems & Mistress Melissa Sir.
Mistress Selina told three tales of Mistresses who had experienced hardship and persevered. HiThereCatsuit has interviewed all three; Hudson Hawn, Stephanie Locke, and Lady Vi, and said he will be making sure they are available as a special playlist on Instagram. If you are interested in applying to be interviewed on his Podcast, know that he is looking for “Why you are who
you are” in his interviews.
Awesome class! I felt like I was drinking from a firehose. Many thanks to Mistress Selina Minx & HiThereCatsuit for giving to the community and being themselves.
To sep ~ Thanks for sharing this authentic look at kink! And for cliffhanging your next write-up. I feel like you’ve read too much “The Dominion and the Sugilite” recently :p
Reminder!
To everyone who purchased books at my book, your Coupon Codes expire July 7, 2025, so make sure to download your electronic books before then. If you didn’t receive an email with your coupon codes, please let me know. There are two email addresses that are giving me problems, and I’m working to resolve it.
Preview of Things to Come
Classes
Fear Play: Fears that tingle the mind and the spine – Miss Sasha
Impact Perspectives and Techniques – Miss Cat, Master Joshua
Harder Please: A guide to safe and skillful rough play – Goddess Severa & Mistrexx J
Perfecting your service from an s-type perspective – Miss Blu Thiccc’ems & Mistress Melissa Sir
A Story Worth Telling – B.J. Frazier
You and Your Kinks – Miss Mae
Intro to Wax Play – Mister Mike
Holy Temptations: A Journey into Religious Play & How to Take Your Power Back – Miss Sasha
Interview ~ Selina Minx
Tidbits
Vendors
Friends
Veteran readers of my DomCon reviews may notice that there is only one interview this time. That is because I could not leave the booth because that’s how busy we were. It was almost zero interviews until late Sunday afternoon when Selina Minx happened by my table… *boom*; cliffhanger!
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
Thomas Antonson ~ Awesome! Sally Bend really knows how to write a good review! You should hire her as your publicist :D. [Great idea, Thomas!]
toymax ~ What a great review Sally Bend has posted. She always finds the right words without spoiling too much. 5 Stars: Highly deserved. [Thanks, Max!]
It‘s a shame that the sex museum was more disappointing. They definitely should have mentioned the very-first dildo. *grin It‘s good to see that „pussy eating for everybody“ is from a female author. [haha, I don’t think I noticed that, Max]
I can‘t wait to read about Your DomCon experience. [I look forward to your feedback!]
sizeerrorprojection ~ Loved rb’s quote on your last blog post, “I think it’s easy for us to use the wrong head on some sites…” [rubbug can be quite the humorous jokester!]
Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
B.J.’s Online Book Club
You voted to read the First Season of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”.
The next Online Book Club is Saturday, June 21, 2025 at 4:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BlueSky ~ Not Safe for Work
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
