You did it! And ahead of schedule, too! Last week, toymax was my 500th review on Goodreads! Thank you, Max–and thank you for also being my 500th rating 😀
You know what this means, right? We’re working towards 1,000 now! So get your fingers dancing over those keys and write reviews! As of publication, we’re already on our way with 502!
While you’re on Goodreads, check out–and “like”–the latest review by Rainbow Reviewss for Eli – Book Three ~ The Perversion, but be careful of spoilers.
A huge thank you to everyone who helped me get to the 500th review.
Check out all my reviews on Goodreads, and like the positive ones… and while you’re there, write some reviews of your own. We’re working toward 1k now 🙂
B.J.’s Online Book Club
Last weekend, we discussed the First Season of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”. It was intimate and fun… and was very much like a soap opera itself! Everyone talked about which character they didn’t trust, who they didn’t like, what was going to happen, what they didn’t believe about the “big reveal”… and *ME*. Can you believe it? They didn’t trust meee??
Also, there was a lot of talk about Cybele’s rules and who can do what when, along with some confusion about the different species’ roles and rules. The latter will be explored in depth in Season Three’s Supplement.
Brand new to Book Club was nk’s wife using a crop on him for not knowing the difference between an adjective and a noun. I gotta say, it hugged my heart in two ways *grin*
Vote for the next Book Club book here.
The next Online Book Club is Friday, August 1, 2025 at 3:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BlueSky ~ Not Safe for Work
Bots… Because… Beware
I have advocated against bots for years. Submissive men and/or submissive wannabes fall prey to them too often.
If you get a DM from a “dominant woman”, THINK before you respond. The first thing you need to remember is: Dominant women do not seek out their subs. So put your ego and cock in check and test “her” out first.
Is she miraculously in the next town over? Or does her grammar seem to be non-existent? Does she ask you to go off-site immediately… and then ask you to pay to talk to her?
Those are warning signs that your dominant is actually a scam. Don’t fall for it. Don’t give out personal information. Don’t go off-site. Do not pass go… but *DO* report the blog!
I recently got a DM from a purported dominant. What does THAT tell you? Please don’t say that you think she’s bisexual. It *should* tell you that the account is a bot. There is absolutely nothing in my smedia posts that would make anyone think I am looking for a domme.
It’s been a long time since I received a message from a bot in bdsmlr. I wasn’t sure whether the site had been sold when I submitted my report to investigate the account. I’m happy to say that the admins not only are the same, but they acted quickly to ban the account.
Please do not just block a bot. Report it. Admins can’t do anything if they don’t know about a problem. And smedia sites are too big to keep tabs on every account and every DM.
Do your part to keep our community safe!
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
freedom-to-be-2 ~ Just read your Domcon review! Sounds like a great time. And good food too! [Totally!]
…I’ll finish the book and start the review. Or maybe I want to be Your special 500th review :p [There is a bit of a fight to nab the 500th review, not gonna lie, F2b2… and you can work on getting me closer to 1,000 now]
CB-6000-lover ~ Wow, your time in LA sounds epic! Congrats on winning another award, but what a shame you missed being present when that was announced [I figured another DomCon Review would bring a message from you! :)]
rubbug ~ I’m sorry the museum was disappointing, but I get how mentally it could’ve been built up before you got there. In previous visits, they definitely had more bdsm related things. I even remembered asking for chastity cages and had to ask if they had smaller which was embarrassing But the last time I went was more fun, perhaps it had to do with the company I had. ☺ [I’m sure if they had more BDSM-related things, that would’ve been better. And yes, the company you share makes it so much better!]
Reading the synopsis for 23 is telling me how far behind I am, I definitely have to catch up. Congrats on another release! [Thank you, and I look forward to your feedback]
I’m glad you had a great time at DomCon and you were surrounded by great people during that time. And of course you got an award, that just makes sense to me. [Ha, thank you]
It was cool reading sep’s review of Mistress Selina Minx’s and HiThereCatsuit’s class. It definitely helps people not feel so alone knowing others can struggle with guilt and shame when it comes to kinks. It’s interesting with how diverse kinks can be that there is still a level of solidarity and compassion between them. Sounds like it was a really important and necessary class. [Very well-said, rb!]
Thank you Mistress BJ for sharing your experiences and I look forward to the next blog posts. [Thanks for your comments, rb; always love ‘em!]
toymax ~ D/s 23 – something to look forward after my vacation. [Thank you for being my 500th review, Max!]
It was an honor to be a virtual member of Your booth boy team, Mistress B.J. I can‘t wait to read more of Your DomCon experience. [And now I can’t wait for more feedback :)]
Jack ~ We met in passing last Saturday morning at DomCon and I bought Mistress Managed. You signed the book – thanks again for that. It held my interest each time I picked it up. One of those double-edged books too – wherein you feel like raging through to the end while wanting it to last and then get the little completionist gratification at the end – coupled with the void of it being over. [Jack, it was great to meet you. You are a wordsmith, and I enjoyed your feedback immensely. Thank you!]
A New Reader and Professional Domme ~ I started reading The Service Sub and have thoughts of how I can incorporate the book into a session. <devil face> [This makes me so giddy! Thank you!]
Multiperv ~ I’m glad to read the booth stuff went so well and that toymax made it, if only in spirit this time. Hopefully next time it will be in the flesh. The soft, vulnerable, strikeable flesh. [haha!]
OMG, you missed receiving ANOTHER Domcon award?! That’s hilarious in a way, and at least it wasn’t because someone was sick this time. They may have to give you an award for how many awards you miss but when could they get it to you? It would have to be yet another at-the-booth presentation, I suspect, but that may be good for business. So what was this award for? Best new Industry Only presenter? [You flatter me, MP. Mistress Cyan recognizes all the Industry Only presenters… and that was framed and set on the table in the booth next to my DomCon award]
Good and appreciated class write-ups by your booth boys/roving subs on the scene. Those different kinds of shame sep mentioned particularly resonated and I look forward to that follow-up he teased. [I don’t remember which one; hopefully one of the ones in this blog post]
I’m also wondering if one or more of your booth boys is going to do a write-up of your class and if we’ll also get a write-up from the presenter’s side for a change. [Yes, everyone will be commenting on that, which is why it’s taking longer, because I’m waiting for everyone’s commentary. I’m glad you’re interested!]
Thanks for another fun and insightful newsletter to help us of who couldn’t be there feel more like we were. [Aww, you’re welcome]
servicepet ~ I just wanted to follow up on sep, making all those strong moves in clutch situations. I just wanted a shoutout to him for taking care of us. [sep does a LOT for us, and he deserves the extra shoutout, servicepet. Thanks–and thank you, too, for your help]
Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
DomCon LA 2025 Second Review
At each convention I attend, I look forward to meeting new people. Since I have a few cons under my belt, it’s also great to reconnect with friends I’ve made at previous cons. This time, I met a reader from a previous convention who said he gets my newsletters and keeps up on things.
How cool is that?! It was also pretty awesome to hear, because I never know who’s actually reading. If you’re a veteran (or a newbie) reader, drop me a line and let me know what you think! At the very least, let me know you’re reading 🙂
My booth was next to Whipping Stripes, and I interviewed Mama at my first DomCon in NOLA. Great to share space with her. Across from me was Priestess Francesca. Down the aisle was Trent from The Kink Shop–who lent us his cart so we could bring in all the books; thank you, Trent! Danny (Leather by Danny) was back in his corner (with no mail or flight issues this time!). And I saw Em, Ollie and Az from the last convention I attended in March.
The vendors are a cool group of people who support each other. I’ve had a great time getting to know many of them and interview them (search my archives for other review posts). In fact, I’ve sold several items for Trent and Danny in the past, and other vendors I’ve been next to. In turn, vendors have told their customers about my erotica. It’s just kinda what you do. Warm fuzzies and all–yeah, at a BDSM convention :p
On the *positive* side of a horrendous experience–a blip in an otherwise stupendous con–I will highlight the awesome effects of awesome people.
I met Madam Serpent and Solar last year (their interview is in this blog post). We instantly clicked, and it was great to see them again. They had a booth this year, too, promoting their dungeon, Serenity Studios.
Every time one or both would pass my booth, they would shout, “B.J. you’re AWESOME!” and give me big hugs. Madam Serpent even helped sell “Mistress Managed”, telling the prospective reader that she read it and loved it; it was best erotica book she’d read, and if he bought it, he wouldn’t regret it.
Their energy and positivity were infectious, making everyone in the booth smile. Madam Serpent and Solar, I am fortunate to have friends like you! *big hugs*
Because the booth was hopping this time, I wasn’t able to walk around the vending area. I did briefly to say hi to people I knew. That was it. It’s a good problem to have, for sure, but I also look forward to meeting new people in NOLA, where the pace is a bit slower.
And now, let’s get to those class write-ups!
Classes
“You and Your Kinks” ~ Miss Mae
by Thomas Antonson
Miss Mae, according to her bio, “is an energentic empath enthralled with the wondrous world of BDSM. She is a heavy bottom and service top, always trying to please others.”
Miss Mae shared her journey into kink, which included childhood trauma. She didn’t discover her kinky side until she was 21, when her then-boyfriend introduced her to D/s. She discovered that it was a positive way to deal with her trauma. She later worked for four years as a professional switch at Sanctuary.
The key part of her story was when she started thinking about why and how she became involved in BDSM – D/s. Was her attraction to kink prompted by her nature or the way she was raised; i.e. nature vs. nurture. Was kink a part of her genetic code or a product of her lived experiences?
That’s when Miss Mae opened the floor for questions/comments, and things took off from there. Not everyone had childhood trauma (me, for instance) but most could point to things in our past that gave clues about how we became interested in the kinky side of life. The discussion was lively and informative. It really made me think about my situation – how I, someone who looks and presents as very vanilla, ended up at DomCon LA.
Miss Mae also wove thoughts about the benefits of the BDSM lifestyle into the discussion, giving us all even more to think about.
Later that night as I lay in bed, processing everything I’d heard and seen that day, I spent some time in self-reflection. I won’t bore you with the details, but I think I started to understand how I got here and why I’m interested in D/s. I think this was the point of the class, and I’m thankful to Miss Mae for sharing her story and giving us all a safe place to share our own.
To Thomas ~ This is so cool! Because of the stigma of kink in our supposedly open society, many people think there’s something wrong with them when they first become aroused by it. Sounds like this class supported everyone and removed that shame.
Impact Perspectives and Techniques ~ Miss Cat, Master Joshua
by sizeerrorprojection
Miss Cat and Master Joshua are founders of the Kink Collective in upstate New York, near Saratoga. They encourage safety in BDSM practices through gaining knowledge.
The primary tools for impact play are your two hands. There are a magnitude of sensations you can create with your primary feeling senses. Before engaging in impact play, you should spend some time getting to know the human body. Here are some basic guidelines for safety during play:
• Neck bones and up are off limits
• Chest is good
• Avoid bones – spine, scapula, hip
• The strip steaks on either side of the spine are great areas to use
• Avoid striking the liver, kidneys, and spleen – know where they are on your bottom
• The top of the butt crack is the highest you should strike below the organs
• Directly under the butt is very sensitive, be aware
• Avoid behind the knee
• Avoid striking the shins
• The abdominal area requires some knowledge, but can be used
• Using a hood can enhance and/or intensify the experience for the bottom
One should try out toys on larger muscle groups on yourself, not the palm of your hand. It’s always good to experience toys yourself before using them on someone else in order to better understand their impact. Using the toys on yourself also provides a reference for communication.
The Kink Shop provided a table full of toys for the class; e.g. – floggers, canes, paddles, carbon rods. Miss Cat informed us that the strands on the flogger are called falls. She showed us finger floggers, handled floggers, floggers with falls made of animal hide (more thuddy) and those made of rubber (more stingy).
The pinnacle of impact play lies in the ability to hit softly and accurately. Varying the intensity of impact helps the top provide a lasting experience and enables a wider variety of responses from the bottom. Impact play is about experiencing each other.
Our instructors directed us to their website to investigate pickups style of play guidelines and negotiation topics. They teach a course on MITPISA negotiaion at various venues, usually in New York. You can find information on MITPISA on Instagram. Here’s a link to a description of “T” in MITPISA.
Miss Cat stressed the importance of maintaining the integrity of the upfront negotiation. Making changes while your endorphins are flowing can lead to regret at the end of the scene. At the start of the scene, verify how the bottom experiences intensity using a scale of 1-10. Toy selection should be part of the upfront negotiation process. You can have the bottom select the toys to be used, or not used, during the session. Be sure your toys are clean and in good repair. They shouldn’t be overly worn, splintering, near breaking, or damaged. A quick checklist for negotiating:
• Agree on safewords and physical signals
• Address what is okay and not okay involving each of the five senses
• Taste – identify triggering/acceptable tastes, smoke, gag types, scat, urine, blood
• Sight – is a blindfold okay?
• Hearing – should it be dulled, are there any words that are triggers
• Touch – what kind of marks are acceptable/unacceptable
• Smell – unacceptable smells, pleasurable smells
• Sensual – How do you define sex? Is toy penetration sex? Lots to explore here. Be sure you understand what is okay and not okay.
• Aftercare – Who is providing the aftercare for who? What does each party require for aftercare? Be aware of your specific needs. Always have water and/or electrolytes on hand. Do you need follow-up for days, weeks, or not at all?
To finish the class, we were invited to try out the array of toys provided by The Kink Shop. I selected these.
I started with the paddle and struck the underside of my forearm, my ass, and my thigh. I found softly rubbing the paddle in a circular motion on the underside of my forearm soothed the burning of the impact. I used the edge of the paddle and found it had a deeper, more penetrating impact.
Next, I tried the cane. Using the middle of the cane as the striking area provides a more springy, thuddy impact than more towards the tip. The canes from The Kink Shop come to a sharpened (not piercingly sharp) tip. I’d never seen that before and decided to try it out. The tip definitely creates a sharp point of pain. VERY COOL! I chose the purple and black finger flogger in honor of Mistress B.J.’s flogger. Finger floggers take some practice. This one had medium-width animal hide falls. They felt stingy and thuddy. I discovered I loved the feeling of using the falls to lightly wrap my forearm and slowly pulling them off, feeling them unravel their grip.
Playing with impact toys is the BEST! Many thanks to Miss Cat and Master Joshua for giving such an engaging class.
To sep ~ Thanks for this write-up. Miss Cat and Master Joshua taught a great class about the healing aspects of BDSM a couple of years ago that even Claire attended and enjoyed! Thank you, too, for the honorary flogger and the actual, awesome flogger *grin*
Fear Play: Fears That Tingle The Mind and The Spine ~ Miss Sasha
by sizeerrorprojection
Miss Sasha is a switch affiliated with Legacy Studios in Beverly Hills, California. She’s a self-described sadomasochistic bitch who’s been in the community for 18 years. She is a lifestyler and a professional. She NEVER plays on her back as she has lots of pain in that position. After taking her class, however, I can’t imagine what “lots of pain” means for her.
She is an Acupuncturist (yikes! Needles!), and she loves being suspended by hooks and piercing play. Before a hook suspension scene, she’s never sure if she’ll actually do it. The intensity of being hung by hooks in your flesh, well… that’s not something I know about at all and probably never will. Suspension play brings focus to her and she enjoys being on display.
Fear vs Phobia
Fear is a natural or perceived reaction to someone or something, whilst phobias are extreme or irrational fears of an object or situation. The class mixed these two ideas. Reactions to fear can be fleeing, fighting, freezing, and fawning. Examples of phobias are fire, snakes, darkness, crowds. Miss Sasha also teaches a Religious Play class and said that fear is mentioned 365 times in the bible. A fear for each day of the year! We all have some degree of desire to control our environment in life, but in a state of fear, there is no control. Fear play helps you let go of a focus on control as you live your life.
Miss Sasha doesn’t scare easily, but enjoys the feeling. She shared a few example stories of fear play.
Stories
Spiders. The top showed the female bottom (who had a severe spider phobia) a clear hose and a box full of spiders. The tube was then inserted up inside her pussy. The top then fed the spiders into the end of the tube as the bottom watched them crawl inside her. The inserted end of the tube was actually blocked, but the bottom didn’t know.
All the Gingers. Three redheaded tops and a bottom named Ginger. Ginger really likes to be scared. She doesn’t want to be whipped, but she wants to know the threat of an impending whipping. She agreed during negotiation that it was okay to make her cry. The male top begins cracking the whip and behaving menacingly towards Ginger as she starts screaming, and eventually makes her cry. Ginger knew she wasn’t going to be hit, but was still scared.
The Virgin. The bottom was scared of blood play. The top decided to use staples for the scene; a virgin sacrifice scene. During negotiation, the use of staples, cutting clothes, and drawing blood were determined acceptable. The bottom had no idea when the scene was going to begin. The top came into the room wearing a gas mask. Silent. Grabbed the bottom’s hand and led her through the house. Tied her to the St. Andrew’s Cross and cut off her virgin white clothes. The virgin was beaten, but no staples. The virgin says, “No, no, no”, then, “please, no”, which was the cue that she was ready for the staples. Then her body was stapled, and the staples were ripped out. As the bleeding intensified, the top filled a cup of the blood and drank it in front of the “virgin”. Reading from the bible at times, but mostly quiet and giving the bottom menacing stares.
Fear Play
You need to figure out what feeling you are trying to create in the scene. What type of reaction do you want? What scares your bottom? Negotiate safewords and the meaning of each. Negotiate nonverbal safewords like tapping, raised leg, point one finger, etc. Determine the meaning of intensity values at the start of a scene, 1-10 or 1-5, as these can change from day to day for a given partner.
Negotiate permanent changes; e.g. haircut, scars, lasting bruises. Negotiate triggering language or words. For fear play, it’s good to make your bottom feel like you are doing something you aren’t actually doing. Create anticipation before using knives, needles, staples, etc. to increase the sense of fear. You can start days before the scene by subjecting your bottom to sensory deprivation using noise canceling headphones, blindfolds, gags, locking mittens. This will enhance the level of fear within the scene.
If the scene will involve a trigger, it is best to build up to it over several scenes.
Fear play aftercare can last many days or weeks. You should check in with your bottom regularly. With fear play or edge play, there is a likelihood of unknown needs and reactions. Be sure to discuss during negotiation how to communicate and provide aftercare for the unknown needs and reactions. Plan for adverse reactions.
Demos – holy shit!
Evie. Evie hates compliments. She has fear of being exposed in public. Miss Sasha did both in class. Evie is dressed in lingerie and quivering as Miss Sasha is stroking her with her hands and telling her how beautiful she is. Shaking and bravely enduring her fears, her head thrown back, body rigid, fingers splayed, arms straight down. Miss Sasha turns her around so we can see her labeled as “Sexy Slut” then lets her return to her place off to the side.
Cam. Cam hates oranges. Miss Sasha seats him in underwear in a chair and feeds him oranges. Slices at first. She squeezes the oranges into his hair and the juice drips over his body. She takes a slice, peel and all, and shoves it in his mouth to silence his moaning. She swiftly jams a 17AWG needle into his toe webbing, and he screams; the orange flying from his mouth. Then she jams an 18AWG needle into his thigh, and he starts wailing repeatedly as the audience laughs. Being an acupuncturist, I’m sure Miss Sasha knew where to put those ginormous needles, but, Jesus, I hate needles.
Ginger Goth Girl. Ginger came from Hawaii for DomCon. Miss Sasha wrapped her in packing cellophone, blinding her, but allowing her to breathe through her nose. She then cuffed her and took a scraper with the teeth intact and ran it over her skin and poked her with it. Then she escalated to a knife. I wish I could hear what she was saying… but there was a building feeling of insecurity and threat. She then threatened needles. After Cam’s demo, I’m sure that was a moment of fear for Ginger.
What a great class!
To sep ~ Wow! Powerful! I’m proud of you for sitting through many of your own triggers and/or hard limits!
Conclusion
The next DomCon Review will be out quicker; hopefully next week. June got away from me. To be fair, though, here is what I’m working on: a new short story (which will have two parts) “The Cucksitter”. Look for that in July. “D/s Episode 24”. I am also in the planning phases of my next Christmas novel (too soon to drop any juicy tidbits), a two-book men/women non-fiction book devoted to sex communication, and I am teaming up with Jessie Spectre again for a Dracula and werewolf Halloween tale–of which, Jessie has already gotten us started!
For those people who bought books at DomCon, please remember to download your electronic books by July 7. If you didn’t get an email with your coupon code, contact me.
Until next time, tell me what you think! If you were at DomCon LA, share your stories. If you’re planning to go to DomCon NOLA, let me know!
Preview of Things to Come
Classes
Harder Please: A guide to safe and skillful rough play – Goddess Severa & Mistrexx J
Perfecting your service from an s-type perspective – Miss Blu Thiccc’ems & Mistress Melissa Sir
A Story Worth Telling – B.J. Frazier
Intro to Wax Play – Mister Mike
Holy Temptations: A Journey into Religious Play & How to Take Your Power Back – Miss Sasha
Interview
Selina Minx
Tidbits
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
