I Love July!
…because it is my Birthday Month! 😀 While I prefer you celebrate by buying my books and writing reviews, I know you like to get me other things, too. You are actually the reason I have a Wish List. So… shop now, shop often, and pamper me all month!
Sad to report that July came in wet. Normally “wet” is a good thing, but never in the basement. Those of you who have been with me for years might think this sounds familiar, and you’d be right. A couple of years ago I also had water in the basement, which was much more of a disaster than this time.
Over the 4th weekend (why does chaos ensue on weekends and holidays?!), I discovered water on the floor after doing a load of laundry. It was coming from an overflowing utility basin. I tried to plunge it, but that only sent more water cascading onto the floor. Further inspection showed water had trickled around two of the walls.
Luckily, the water hadn’t accumulated much. Also lucky for me, I found a great plumbing company who came out on Saturday. Not only did they not charge me to show up, but they didn’t charge me holiday or weekend pricing to fix the problem. They had a restoration company they work with, and they also came out Saturday afternoon.
They moved items or put things on blocks, then removed the nasty stuff, cleaned, sanitized, and applied anti-mold protection. All of their products are non-toxic; in fact, it smelled heavenly after they were done! Both of those companies renewed my faith in people and corporations–though both are family owned, so not the same corporate bullshit as you’ve heard me bitch about before.
That’s how I spent the 4th… tell me how you spent yours!
I have been writing! I recently finished drafts of “The Cucksitter Training” and Episode 24 of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”. Both should be released this week–and that will only be a newsletter announcement to subscribers. So make sure you subscribe today. New subscribers receive a FREE BOOK!
I’ve also spoken with Jessie about our Halloween collaboration. In true Jessie style, he said he was much too busy to work on it at the moment… then surprised me with a five-thousand-word start! We just spoke today and fleshed out the majority of details. I can tell you that it’s about vampires and werewolves, has an interesting plot and we’ve got some humor planned as well. Stay tuned!
Now that I’ve finished Episode 24 of D/s, I realized that I need to plan a bit more carefully for the second half of the third season, because there will be at least TWO big reveals! I am excited to write a couple more episodes… maybe even finish the season, then tease you with them!
Here’s the cover of “The Cucksitter Training”. Whaddya think?
A Funny!
Thanks to rubbug for sending me this very short clip, guaranteed to put a smile on your face: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xgMAAgagzdk
B.J.’s Online Book Club
You voted “Betting the Pride; Losing the Prejudice – Book One” to be the next Book Club book!
The next Online Book Club is Friday, August 1, 2025 at 3:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BlueSky ~ Not Safe for Work
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
sizeerrorprojection ~ It feels so good to know one’s service is appreciated. Many thanks to servicepet and Miss B.J. Frazier for the shoutouts, and to Claire and Thomas for the help and appreciation they showed as well. It’s my pleasure and honor to be of service. [:D]
Book club was soooooo fun! D/s season 1 offered so much to discuss. [It WAS fun! Next one is a bit different, so I’m looking forward to that, too]
HiThereCatsuit [about the first DomCon Review] ~ Thank you so much for the beautiful write up about the class. I am touched by your words. It was an honor to be a part of that class and hope to present it with Selina next year in person. Be well! [Thank you so much! To be fair, sizeerrorprojection wrote that piece, but I’m glad you approved :D]
Selina Minx ~ It was great meeting you! I could have stayed and talked alllll day! What a great review! REPOSTED! Wonderful! [Me, toooo! *grin* I’m glad you enjoyed your class write-up… stay tuned for your interview!]
toymax ~ You’re very welcome, Mistress B.J. There are still many more of Your books for me to read and review. All Your fans will manage to bring You to 1,000. [The climb has begun! *grin*]
Thank You for the review of the classes. As always – very detailed and informative. I especially liked Thomas Antonson’s review of “You and Your Kinks”. I still feel a little awkward when I think about some of my kinks. I have no idea why they excite me, even though they do so for many, many years. And the fact that not all of us can live out our kinks sometimes makes it even harder to accept myself. This class seems to have been a profound experience. [Max, you are not alone! I’m glad you felt a connection with Thomas’ write-up]
Multiperv ~ First, congratulations on having 500+ reviews. I’m happy that I am at least a handful of them and will try to help get you to 1000 as I’m able. [Thank you!]
Also, congratulations on at least getting one of the domme bot/scam messages with a bit of effort put into it and not just one of the “Dm me” or “Hey loser’ ones. [I don’t bother publiclizing those]
After Thomas’ great review, I *want* him to “bore us with the details” of why he is into kink or what got him to a Domcon (other than you). You mentioned our ‘supposedly open society’. Given what’s going on these days, do you think the pendulum is swinging back to a more closed-off society? [Short answer: yes! Longer answer: I said it twofold. One, we’re not really completely open, because taboos and stigmas still remain. Two, with our current regime, I fear whatever openness we had will slide backwards]
Sep’s writeup on Impact Play. I really like that brief but thorough checklist for negotiation that was provided, and so well summarized by sep. I’m definitely hanging onto that though I’ll probably forget I have it haha. In fact I’m going to print it out and put a copy in my toybag. I don’t have a way to laminate it but maybe I’ll put it in a folder… [Mailing tape makes for cheap and quick lamination]
Fear and kink is an interesting topic, and I appreciate the class summary. [sep did a nice job]
Also, OMG, they RIP staples out during stapling scenes?! Wow! I always thought they were put in and removed slowly and carefully! Please allow me to triple my order of “No, thank you.” [Yeah, it’s a *cringe* for me, too]
It may not surprise you in the least I’m really looking forward to The Cucksitter as I’ve had several fantasies and even written some captions involving them. It’s a really fun concept, being left in the hands of someone other than your Mistress. [First story is changed to “The Cucksitter Training”, with at least another one “coming”]
rubbug ~ Firstly, congrats on the big 500! You’ll get to 1,000 in no time especially with how many great books you already have and even more being worked on. [tyty!]
I’m glad you were able to make some time to catch up with friends at DomCon. And it was great that you had that support throughout. You’re a pretty awesome person so it’s cool that you got those reminders at various points. [Awww]
Miss Mae’s class sounded pretty interesting and it was great to see that it encouraged Thomas to do some introspection on how he wound up there. I think it’s good to be able to figure out the “how’s” and “why’s” of things but it’s all in our own time. Couldn’t help but think of my own as I read. [Agree; Thomas’ piece resonated with many readers]
Miss Sasha’s Fear play class sounds intriguing yet made me wince reading sep’s review. Hook suspension made me grimace, my eyes genuinely popped open when reading about the spiders, and the staples were crazy. I thought everything was safe when I got to the oranges. I smile crept on my face until the needles showed up! This man is spitting up oranges while being stabbed and they’re laughing. I’ve been curious about different aspects of kinks but I think I’m good on that one. Interesting to read about, though. [Agree. Sep did a great job with the write-up]
Thanks for another great blog post and allowing people to get a peek at DomCon. [You are very welcome; I like knowing that people enjoy living vicariously through my reviews]
Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
DomCon LA 2025 Third Review
DomCon LA takes place at the Hilton Airport Hotel. Last year the hotel got a new general manager, Jeff, who visited the vending area multiple times. This year I saw him walk into the vending area, and I am proud to say that he remembered me!
I got some cool pins this year. One from DomCon, and one from the lovely Madam Serpent and Solar. Which one do you like better?
One of the best parts about vending is meeting cool people. While we met several and had a blast, there is one in particular who spent a lot of time at the booth. So much so, that I asked if I could use her name, because I knew I had to tell you guys about her! Fantasia.
Fantasia was a character and a half. She is into erotica, though she hasn’t read in a while, and loved my synopses of several books. But she had a mission: to get a new flogger. She promised she would return. Many people *promise* to return, but few actually do. Fantasia stuck to her word.
But let me back up. How did she come to stop by the booth? That was all servicepet. He talked to her first and warmed her up to the idea of erotica then passed her to me for the sale. But Fantasia was none too happy with servicepet, saying he talked to her under false pretenses. She therefore dubbed him “slick fuck”.
Fantasia loved to negotiate, so I kept adding things to sale. The first thing was Fantasia could smack servicepet with her new flogger. She thoroughly enjoyed that idea, stating, “Mmm hmm, I’d like to do that, because he is one slick fuck!”
The next thing was to toss sizeerrorprojection into the mix, offering for her to smack him as well… mainly because Fantasia got a bit too interested in taking servicepet down a peg or two, so I said that he was sensitive, but she could go to town on sep. She equally enjoyed that offer; though she said she really wanted to be harsh with servicepet.
When she returned to the booth again, she was highly interested in my new flogger. I told her it was a gift from sep, so she couldn’t buy it. BUT I’d allow her to use it on servicepet and sep.
In the end, Fantasia was content with just a book purchase. She was thrilled to be written about, and she gave great hugs. Fantasia, if you’re reading, we all loved meeting you, and… where’s my feedback?! *grin* <–not kidding, though!
You’ve seen my flogger on the table in my booth, and you know sep gifted me a gorgeous paddle. Late Saturday, I swapped the paddle for the flogger on the table to spice things up a bit. It attracted a lot of attention, because people wanted to buy it, to test it and most disconcerting… to *fondle* it!
People would touch the strands much like a fidget and finger the leather, and run their hands over it. My paddle never got similar attention. And I have to say, I didn’t like it. While no one meant anything by it, I felt very protective of my flogger. So I swapped the paddle back in. 🙂
And now, class write-ups!
Classes
Intro to Wax Play ~ Mr. Mike; Demo Bottom: Waru
by Thomas Antonson
S-A-F-E-T-Y
Mike spent a LOT of time talking about safety. After all, wax play involves hot liquid and human skin – not a good combo if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Wax play can be sensual, artistic, and/or sadistic. Mike made no bones about putting himself primarily in the third category.
There are three basic types of wax and each has its own properties. Soy, paraffin, and beeswax are the most common. Jar candles, which rely on glass to give them structure, tend to be soy or paraffin, which are softer. Tapers are usually beeswax or some combination of beeswax and the other two. Beeswax holds its structure better and has a higher melt temperature than soy or paraffin. It’s also less suitable for most types of wax play because it can easily burn the skin.
When shopping for candles, check the ingredients!
Mike had a selection of tall, narrow, glass candles, which he had purchased from a dollar store, and he pronounced these every bit as good as the candles that specialty BDSM candle merchants offer which can cost $40-$50.
One thing I hadn’t been aware of is that scented candles are not generally suitable for wax play. They can change the temperature of the wax, they can contain chemicals that will irritate the skin (or trigger allergies), and cause burns.
With the basics out of the way, Mister Mike got down to the nitty gritty of wax play.
Preparation
First of all, prepare the play area. Drop cloths over some plastic cloths are a good idea. Plastic sticks to the skin, so using a cloth covering makes it more comfortable for the bottom.
Since wax stains are difficult (if not impossible) to get out of carpets, clothing, or upholstery, it’s best to cover nearby furniture or flooring in case of spills or splatter. It’s also a good idea for the top to either wear clothing they don’t care about staining or use something to cover their clothing.
Wax and hair are a bad mix, so either pick an area without hair or remove the hair.
Applying some coconut oil to the play area will make wax removal much easier. The application process can be sensual and can help relax the bottom.
Try some wax on the inside of your bottom’s forearm first. It’s a good way to gauge the temperature and how it will feel. Always have some burn cream on hand just in case.
Applying the Wax
Have multiple candles lit at the same time. As you use each one, relight it so that it is ready when you need it.
NOTES: Beware of tunneling–wax building up around the sides of the glass creating a tunnel down to the wick. Trying to remove the build up by heating the outside of the glass with a flame can cause the glass to shatter.
Do not burn the candle all the way to the bottom. Most wicks are attached to a metal clip. You do not want this clip to fall out and land on your bottom’s skin!
When you are ready to apply the wax, choose a target area on the bottom’s skin. Blow out the flame before applying the wax. Hold the candle between twelve and eighteen inches from the target and very slowly tip it until small drops fall onto the bottom’s skin. These initial drips, and the reaction of your bottom, will tell you how to proceed. If the drips are tolerated, you can increase the flow to create patterns or cover larger areas.
One thing to be aware of is that the surface of the body is rarely flat. This can cause pooling and hot wax to run to places where you don’t want it. Use your gloved hand to catch the wax.
As with any BDSM activity, make sure you check in with your bottom frequently. Wax play can be very intense, particularly if your bottom is restrained.
Mister Mike showed us how all this works using the Demo Bottom, Waru, who was prone on a table and unrestrained.
The coolest part of the class was that Mister Mike allowed people to come to the front and try their hand at applying wax. Mister Mike worked with the volunteers to make sure they got it right. Waru seemed to be enjoying it by his frequent giggles/laughter.
Aftercare
As with any scene, aftercare is crucial with wax play. You need to remove the wax and check for burns (which shouldn’t happen if you’re using soy or paraffin candles and properly applying the wax).
If wax wound up on uncoated skin, use a dull knife, a serving spoon, or even a credit card to safely remove the wax. Some marks will remain on the skin for up to a day.
Buying Your Supplies
Mister Mike buys his candles at Dollar Tree. You can find lots of different color pillar candles (in tall glass jars) there. Always check the ingredients! Drop cloths and tarps can be found at any decent hardware store.
Do I even need candles?
Some members of the audience asked if they could melt wax in a crockpot and use a ladle to apply it. Mister Mike said that could work if you could determine the correct temperature.
This was a great class from my point of view. Wax play seems like a really cool activity as long as safety and communication are front and center.
To Thomas ~ Sounds like a *hot* class! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Harder Please: A guide to safe and skillful rough play – Goddess Severa & Mistrexx J
by sizeerrorprojection
Mistrexx J has been a professional for 25 years and is based out of The Parlour in Minneapolis. Goddess Severa is a black belt in Brazilian Ju Jitzu and loves to subdue and torment her subs on the mat. You can read more about Goddess Severa in Mistress B.J.’s interview.
Wrestling is a form of Primal Play. You can die. It offers stress relief through the release of endorphins and adrenalin. Adrenalin eats cortisol, reducing stress. WE NEED THIS! As Mistrexx J says, we are still basically big apes and don’t generally have a release for our stress cycles. This form of play is flight or fight challenge.
Did I mention that you can die? Make an effort to understand inherent power dynamics between partners before engaging in this type of play, e.g. – race, physical size, strength. Negotiate your scene with these inherent dynamics in mind. Goddess Severa is 6’5” of power. Mistrexx J is a ball of energy. Recognize. Negotiate.
Marking
Scratching, biting, control with biting are all examples of marking. When you control your sub while biting, use your head to guide them without increasing the pressure of your bite. Negotiate what types of marks are allowed and how long the marks can remain after the session. In order to honor the negotiated allowances, you need to have a clear understanding of the layers of skin and muscle. It’s always a good idea to bring arnica to these types of sessions for bruising.
Choking
Air chokes are extremely risky and generally a bad idea. Try not to put pressure on the trachea. Use blood chokes instead. Blood chokes are still very risky and can result in death, seizure, and passing out. This is REAL edge play. When applying pressure to the carotid arteries, your bottom should be on the ground. There is too much unpredictability with your bottom standing. If your hands are large enough, you can use your thumb and fingers to apply pressure on either side of the neck without putting pressure on the trachea. Nonverbal safewords are a really good idea, e.g.- tapping out. You can also use the crook of the elbow with your fists into either side of the neck. Yet another technique, applied from behind, is wrapping your arm around their neck and using the flat of your other hand behind the bottom’s head.
Goddess Severa demonstrated all of these on her long-time sub, Mike. Don’t forget to breathe while you choke your bottom. Make sure your bottom’s tongue is in their mouth. You don’t want them to bite it off.
Goddess Severa also demonstrates leg scissors forms of choking, using her legs in a pulsing manner to increase the threat of the choke before applying more pressure. Her sub was face-up between her thighs and completely incapacitated. She then demonstrated a side leg scissor choke with her sub’s face in her crotch. She warned us that one shouldn’t wear jewelry during this type of play. The top ALWAYS needs to protect the bottom’s head, and both parties should be fully aware of any and all pre-existing health conditions.
She then demonstrated the side scissors hold on two class members. There were a LOT of willing participants to choose from. LOL! Both parties tapped out when it became too much. The younger, smaller woman lasted much longer than the large guy during the demonstration.
Neck Control
This form of play is safer than blood choking. Control is from the muscles in the neck closer to one’s back, and the base of the neck above the spine is used as a control area. Neck control provides easy access to hair pulling. This type of play can be done standing. Mistrexx J showed us how to stabilize the bottom’s back so the bottom can be caught if they get woozy. The neck can be stressed. Working on the ground is safer. More demos on class members.
Mistrexx is clear, always catch, hold, and protect the head. Lift by pressing into the jaw of your bottom. Keep the head supported and pull back from the back base of the head. For long pulls, put your elbow in their back and make them arch. Keep your elbow connected to the bottom’s body to prevent their neck from twisting.
Mistrexx talks while demonstrating. She says never make snapping motions. If your bottom has weaves, leave them alone. You can push them forward from your control point, or clamp their forehead to the back of the head using two hands. Transitioning to blood chokes are easy from neck control as you just need to slide your fingers and thumb forward (or back) slightly.
Hair pull
Top grabs the sub’s hair, but bottom grabs the top’s forearm and grips it as they are dragged around to avoid tearing out hair or scalp. You can use the same technique for dragging by the wrist instead of by the hair. Make sure you have plenty of space so you can move your bottom swiftly when using pulling techniques.
Joint Safety
The smaller the joint, the easier it is to cause injury. Elbows have a singular direction of motion. Don’t ever grab your top’s fingers or wrists. Grabbing forearm to forearm allows you to use the most force in the safest manner.
Face slapping, punching, kneeling
Goddess Severa swings her arm slowly towards Mike and grips the entire side of his head with her hand; precursor to the blow that’s coming. She warns not to smack them in the ear. She shows us how to protect their head by holding the opposite side of the head from where the blow is going to land. As a top, you must swiftly apologize if you screw up. Face slapping can be triggering. Know your partner well beforehand. Be sure to avoid their eyes. Have your bottom take a couple of deep breaths to help cool the point of impact after several slaps so that you can continue.
Mike holds up well as she demonstrates while she speaks. You can tell he is enjoying the punishing blows. The size difference between Goddess Severa and Mike seems to grow (to me at least). Be careful of your fingers causing injury to your bottom, especially if you have nails. Point your fingers away from the point of impact.
When punching, pick large muscle masses to strike, shoulders, butt, and stomach are good choices. I imagine the thigh can be good as well. Your bottom should breathe into their belly before a stomach strike. Be sure to avoid the spine and kidneys.
When forcing your bottom to kneel, their butt should be resting on their calves. This alone can be painful. If they need more, grab their forearms and pull them back behind them as they continue to kneel.
Goddess Severa recommends being kind, loving, and even sweet, in between assaults and then turn on the aggression to induce fear and/or contrast to intensify the experience for your bottom. Alternate back and forth between softness and aggression to create surprise, instability, in your bottom.
This type of play is INTENSE. You can induce fight or flight modes in your bottom. As a top, create an in-scene persona for checking in with your bottom so they don’t come out of their submissive state. Watch out for telltale signs of your bottom being overwhelmed. People start making themselves physically small or they try to hide. Look for sharp changes in eye dilation, super shallow, rapid breathing, hyperventilating. Be aware of their facial expression. Do they look glassy eyed? Are they super cold and sweaty? The bottom closing their eyes and keeping them closed can be indicative of a problem. If you see these signs of panic, you can have your bottom point out types of things in the room, e.g., point out all the places to sit in the room, in order to get them to reconnect and regain their presence.
What a great informative class taught by two very dynamic, experienced dominants. Well… technically, I believe Mistrexx J is a switch. This class was action packed!
To sep ~ Thanks for sharing. I would’ve loved to have seen this one!
Until next time, tell me what you think! If you were at DomCon LA, share your stories. If you’re planning to go to DomCon NOLA, let me know!
Preview of Things to Come
Classes
Perfecting your service from an s-type perspective – Miss Blu Thiccc’ems & Mistress Melissa Sir
A Story Worth Telling – B.J. Frazier
Holy Temptations: A Journey into Religious Play & How to Take Your Power Back – Miss Sasha
Interview
Selina Minx
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
