Birthday Month
Thank you for all the good wishes and gifts! You give me the opportunity to celebrate my birthday all month long, which is great, because my birthday is the 26th 😀
While I prefer you celebrate by buying my books and writing reviews, I know you like to get me other things, too. Thank you for requesting I make a Wish List.
“The Cucksitter Training”
Nora thinks she is meeting Professor Emery Hagan to discuss a psychology internship. But, when the male servant strips down to only a collar and chastity cage in the home office, Nora realizes it is going to be a very unusual type of work experience program.
The professor, a/k/a Herrin M, teaches Nora how to become Goddess Novia. Nora delves deeper into the psychology behind BDSM as she learns how to use various implements in addition to humiliation, teasing and denial during dungeon sessions.
As she progresses on her journey, Nora confides in her best friend and roommate, Blanca Ortiz. Though highly vanilla in her own tastes, Blanca’s initial shock and disapproval are soon replaced by fascination and arousal as Nora recounts her adventures.
Read early reviews here.
Part of the Christmas in July Sale!
“The Dominion and the Sugilite – Episode 24”
The legal battle concludes in the latest episode of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”.
How does Beckett cause a stir?
Why does Pebbles learn to use a cane?
What is Chantal’s lesson?
Plus: The judicial decision; Cozima’s continued humiliation; Craig’s warning; and more in this installment of “D/s”… with Episode 25 coming soon.
Part of the Christmas in July Sale!
Christmas in July Sale!
Merry savings to all! The more you buy, the more you save.
No coupons to remember; your savings will automatically be calculated at checkout on regularly-priced books and audiobooks now through July 21st!
Here’s the breakdown:
Missionary:
Buy 2 books, and get 10% off
Small Group:
Buy 3 or 4 books, and get 25% off
Orgy:
Buy 5 or more books, and get 50% off
Newsletter subscribers got an extra weekend of savings and behind-the-scenes intel about why I changed the title of “The Cucksitter Training.” Don’t miss out on the next exciting subscriber exclusive; sign up for my newsletter today!
You get a FREE BOOK for being a subscriber. However, due to the sale, you will have to wait to use the coupon.
I binged “Ted Lasso” the past few days and found this timely quote from Ted himself about TV Christmas movies:
“Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s also Santa Claus or a prince. They suck, but they’re great. But they also mostly suck. But they’re also kinda great. They’re good with the sound off.”
You can get both of my Christmas novels up to 50% off! Check out “A Domme for Christmas” and “Mistletoe Bound”.
B.J.’s Online Book Club
You voted “Betting the Pride; Losing the Prejudice – Book One” to be the next Book Club book!
The next Online Book Club is Friday, August 1, 2025 at 3:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BlueSky ~ Not Safe for Work
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
sizeerrorprojection ~ It’s a Purple Balloon Velociraptor! [haha; of course!]
Soy & paraffin, nay to beeswax, no scented candles. Got it, Thomas! Thank you! I always wondered what types of wax were recommended for wax play. [Yes, thanks, Thomas!]
Goddess Aroya [from her newsletter] ~ One thing I missed that afternoon, and I still feel it, was BJ Frazier’s writing class. BJ is a past guest of ours and a master of erotica. Her workshop, ‘A Story Worth Telling,’ taught people how to write from edge to climax with confidence. That woman is gold. [Thank you for the shoutout! I’d love to see ya in my next class!]
Kleinschwanzcucky ~ I love the cover of “Cucksitter Training”, Miss! [Great; I hope you enjoy the story as much, KC! :)]
Gentle98 ~ I did see you’re now a cert relationship coach! Congrats!!! [Thanks! Good to know you’ve kept up with my blog!]
Thomas Antonson ~ It’s great to be part of the team, and sep’s a genius. Most people don’t know what happens behind the scenes at a vending station, but sep is kinda the person who holds everything together and always knows where everything is supposed to be and makes sure everyone has what they need. [Amen, Thomas!]
As to the Kink Class – It really was a great class, and more people need to accept themselves for who they are and not judge themselves about what others might think if they knew. The idea is, we need to think about what we want and who we are, and accept that. *chuckling* at Multiperv’s comment; I’m flattered. You’ll have to wait for my autobiography. [Classic, Thomas :p]
I’m glad everyone got so much out of my review, because that was the whole point of the class, so I’m glad I was able to share that. [Thank you; it was awesome!]
rubbug ~ Happy Birthday/month Mistress BJ! I’m sorry I didn’t remember, but I hope that you have an incredible, day, month, year, all the way until the next one. I’m glad to have met you and even more grateful that you’ve welcomed me into your world. [Aww, back acha, rb!]
Congrats on releasing “The Cucksitter Training” and it was a great read. You know how excited I was for it. [I DO know, and I’m glad it was worth the wait!]
I’ve not been interested in wax play but Thomas’ review of Mr. Mike’s class sounded interesting. Learned a lot and also thought the coconut oil makes it more sensual than I thought it was. Pretty cool. [Thomas did a great job]
Sep’s review of Goddess Severa and Mistrexx J’s class was really cool too. I couldn’t help but getting lost in fantasy while reading, a giant beautiful woman that could beat me up? Yes please! I also appreciate how detailed it was, in terms of holds, positioning (head scissors with face in crotch ), and the need for safety. I wonder if this is a similar type of kink like the primal one you had mentioned in your blog a while back. While I couldn’t see myself wanting to do that with an average size woman for fear of hurting them, a woman who is much bigger/stronger/more skilled than I am would be cool for sure. [With your love of wrestling, I KNEW you were gonna love this write-up. And yes, I think sep mentioned the connection to primal play in that piece. Thanks again, sep!]
Thanks again for another great blog post. [Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it!]
Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
DomCon LA 2025 Fourth Review
You know I missed another recognition at the Opening Ceremony for being an Industry Only presenter. What I haven’t told you is: 1) while I’m sad to have missed it, I am kinda glad because DomCon films the Opening Ceremony without an opportunity to mask up (or be told to bring one); and 2) I got swag, baby!! Check it out!
Interview with Selina Minx
Many of you are familiar with Selina Minx. In addition to various smedia sites, she’s also prominent in bdsmlr… which is how I first came to be aware of her. She is the first person I’ve “known” before interviewing! You know what they say about meeting your “heroes”, right? Well not true here: I didn’t idolize her before, but I certainly do now!
It was nearly the end of the convention when I saw Mistress Selina walking down the aisle, and she stopped at my booth and exclaimed, “Erotica! This is what we need to have more of here!”
I grinned and shoved I-don’t-even-know-who outta my way so I could get to the front of my booth and introduce myself.
Her bdsmlr profile has a rather harsh and no-nonsense feel. All of the images and gifs are professional and crisp. And why wouldn’t they be? Mistress Selina Minx has been featured on HBO, Penthouse, E! Entertainment Television, New Witch Magazine, G4 awards, and Reason Magazine. In addition to being a dominatrix, she is a sex educator, a specialist in scene negotiation, filmmaker, singer, pianist, and composer.
But y’know what she isn’t? Haughty.
Mistress Selina Minx, the person, is charming, educated, funny, down-to-earth, warm, open, inviting, AND talks-at-a-speed-beyond-mere-mortals’-ability-to-comprehend.
Seriously.
We connected immediately because she’s writing her first book, which will be published later this year. There was a rare lull at the booth, so I asked if she had time for an interview before her class. When we sat down (after kicking sep and Claire out–and Claire spilled her salad, to be cleaned later), Mistress Selina asked if she wanted me to record the interview.
I wanted to say, oh, no, I type 125wpm–and I’m so glad I didn’t, because she talked waaay faster than 125wpm!
When did Mistress Selina know she was kinky? As a child, she would tie herself up, even attempting suspension bondage. She thinks the attraction was a cross between the circus and a damsel in distress. An avid reader, Mistress Selina was reading at a college level by the time she was eight, and her parents had zero tabs on her library.
She says she “got into some really crazy shit, and I loved horror.” Horror had a “flavor of stress” that she found very erotic. Then she discovered HBO, and “the sense of a dominatrix came to me in early teen years. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I knew there was something about a corset, leather boots . . . and I became obsessed with training men and women.” [How cool to be featured on the channel later in her career]
At the age of 16, Selina Minx moved to L.A. when her dad switched jobs. She discovered the BDSM club scene at 18, exploring kink at Cinematic and Club Submission in Orange County. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I found such a sense of psychological relief at finding people and hard S/M. It was something too precious to me to share. I thought wow, this is a cool way to make money but was too jealous of the relief and satisfaction from the scene.”
Selina didn’t become Mistress Selina for another eight years, practicing it fully first.
She worked at a strip club. “I was the kinky and artsy one there.” With a degree in music, she stripped to her own compositions. However, she couldn’t deal with men groping her. Mistress Selina has returned to the strip club during periods of financial goals, but she’s also an exhibitionist, and it was a titillating scene.
Does her family know? Mistress Selina says, “I was bad at hiding it.” When she found the BDSM scene at 18, she was living at home, so they would see bruises on her. Her mom always knew she was a bit of a free spirit, and listened to everything until she learned “TMI”. Her dad accepts it but does not want details.
Mistress Selina has two young children, whom she will tell when they get older. Her dungeon at home “doesn’t look too dungeon-y”.
I explained that many of my readers are people who can’t be kinky in public and live vicariously through my kink convention write-ups. I asked Mistress Selina what advice would she give you? She said, “You are an ideal candidate for a professional . . . seeing a professional allows you to experience what you want in your time . . . you can try it and leave, and you won’t get judged.”
Mistress Selina reminds you to do your vetting! There are a lot of pro dommes who are trying to make money because it’s easy, and they don’t have experience nor do they understand the ethics and nuances of power/control and humiliation. She’s very glad to have “played and enjoyed for eight years and drank deep of that cup and explored other things. It gave me a foundation to understand others . . . [and provide] your desire and your fear/fantasy and what you want to do in reality.”
How do you vet? Mistress Selina says to make sure the person you engage with has a smedia history of at least 10 years, “because there’s a lotta hookers with whips.” She points out that you’re vulnerable, and you don’t know whether there’s a pimp in the next room or if she’s on drugs.
How does Mistress Selina feel about brats? “Ooh, brats; I love that! The power dynamic is a foregone conclusion, but it’s not as exciting as one that’s up in the air.” She adds the caveat of “in a situation where I feel safe, the ability to be resisted or to resist adds an extra layer of adrenaline.”
For regular clientele, she quickly states, “I love to just give somebody an endorphin high from a well-crafted scene.”
Advice on going to her professionally: Book three to four hours the first time, “because build-up is precious . . . the unfolding of their desire will be pasted with my own erotic cycles.” An hour to her is “quick and dirty”. With more time, she gets to explore. Inside intel: Mistress Selina comes from strap-on play!
Her latest endeavor is writing a book: Sexual Negotiation. It’s about “humans making an agreement about a fantasy adventure” and how to communicate when power dynamics are in place. When you add a power dynamic into communication, it distorts the ability to be honest, so she created curriculum, and she teaches classes in it–even at DomCon. During her early kink exploration, Mistress Selina had a hard time advocating for herself because, during submission, she becomes mute. She needed someone who could read her body language.
When you’re horny or awestruck, it’s hard to say what you want. It’s also easy to take advantage as a top. So her book deals with how to hear necessary criticism without affecting your ego. How not to be an asshole. It’s a communication book that anyone can benefit from, from the perspective of kinky sex. She’s working on the last chapter and summation. Look for it soon!
Advice to the first-time kink con goer, Mistress Selina recommends you get a hotel room, go easy on alcohol, and avoid other drugs that might change your limits. It’s also good to have a buddy who can be accountable buddy. Do the parties, and pick things you’re into ahead of time so you don’t get surprised by what you want but can’t have.
Get to know more about Selina Minx on her website, Only Fans or Loyal Fans.
To Selina Minx ~ It was a pleasure to speak with you, and I look forward to getting to know you more! Let me know when the book is out so I can help promote it! *hugs*
Class
A Story Worth Telling ~ B.J. Frazier
Sooo, the way I *wanted* to start the class was to greet everyone outside the door and memorize their names, like I did when I was a teacher. However, the previous class ran over… and with only a handful of people in the hallway, I was worried no one would show. But the bulk of people from the previous class stayed–and I couldn’t ask them to leave and come back in so I could start like I wanted!
We scrambled to set up and had problems connecting the awesome Power Point (thanks, toymax!) to the screen. The first slide was the silent writing task, which I had to announce while sep fiddled with IT, which he eventually got connected.
With my trusty remote control in hand, I pressed the button for the next slide and said, “Congratulations!” then checked the screen. It hadn’t switched. Luckily, I remembered that the dongle from the remote needed to be inserted into my laptop. Once in place, I started over… explaining as I went. That time, I pressed the button and checked the screen first. It changed! So I shouted, “Congratulations!”, and everyone laughed.
Why did I congratulate them? Because they started to write their books, of course! 🙂
I did the class without notes… but I forgot to say that I was recently certified as a coach in Love/Relationships, a master sexpert and a sexologist. And one time I jumped a slide, but the audience was forgiving. Overall, it felt great to teach again.
Also, the class was intelligent, super motivated, and well-versed in English, grammar, reading, and writing. They asked questions, did the tasks, participated in discussions, and made the class an interactive success.
Sep and I acted out my example of how NOT to write dialogue followed by the proper way TO write dialogue, and it was a huge success. One of servicepet’s jobs was to make the “slap” sound effect, which I never heard. To be fair, though, sep did it on his own, and he was very loud!
At the end, I introduced my Writing Consultant Program, and I look forward to helping writers achieve their goals. If you want to know more about it, contact me.
Claire was keeping time, and she held up two hands, letting me know I had 10 more minutes. But I had more than 10 minutes to go, knowing that the class would hit an hour exactly. I waved her off, because I was forced to start 15 minutes late. With a few exceptions, people stayed ‘til the end and beyond.
You know what a huge Feedback Whore I am… so I made my own surveys, and servicepet passed them out. Out of 25-30 people in the class, 16 filled out surveys. All said they would take another class with me!
Since the whole crew was in attendance, here are their perspectives:
servicepet ~ My job was to make sure everybody had paper and pens, and Claire kept looking over at me to make sure that I was doing my job. A couple of themes that stuck out for me were: 1) we had the cream of the crop in terms of DomCon management. Mistress Cyan and Puddin’, Mistress Precious, and Sea were there. So, some board members represented; and 2) some well-known professionals were in the room.
I’ve been to a lot of kink classes, and they range in quality. But the quality of this course was really off the charts. It was almost like a college-level course. And that speaks to the quality of the presentation, the content and the audience.
Any presenter would’ve been jealous of that audience, the energy and engagement; it’s rare to see that. They were listening, participating, talking amongst themselves after a point was made, nodding and sharing with each other. The energy was palpable.
Listening to people as they left, they seemed eager to write their stories. So the class was successful to have motivated people to pick up pen and paper.
There’s a debate about whether I was successful in my sound effects job. I contend that I was right on cue, though others think that’s debatable. I even moved to the front of the room so I could provide the sound effects for the slap in the dialogue presentation. And Claire was not in a position to say yes or no on that, because she was in the very back of the room.
Claire ~ Once we got into the room, B.J. was focused on getting the Power Point with sep, and servicepet and I put books on display. There wasn’t a single person who wasn’t interested in the presentation. They were genuinely excited to hear and learn from B.J., and I noticed that before she even started to speak.
What impressed me the most is when B.J. started, there was a strong, commanding, friendly (which is important because she’s so relatable) vibe, and everybody was engaged, taking notes; happy to hear from an 80-book author.
B.J. gave such a powerful, informative, human, upbeat, and encouraging presentation with great facial expressions, and she used her hands. I think people are hesitant to participate or do tasks, but B.J. gave everyone confidence to share.
The class was organized and demonstrated how to write a book. This was nothing like an actual class in school. Everyone was there because they wanted to be there… and hanging on B.J.’s every word.
It was great. It was exciting. B.J. was engaging. I am proud of her because every step of the way, she’s figured things out. And now she taught a course on how to write a book or tell your story, and it’s invaluable. B.J. wants to share, encourage and help, and she did that because she’s engaging. People asked questions, B.J. answered, made jokes, and people laughed and had fun. Fucking awesome!
At the end, I gave B.J. hand signals, and she was like, fuck you. But she was right because there wasn’t any shit about wanting to leave. It was fun and fun to watch everybody engage with her.
Thomas Antonson ~ It is my belief that, just as there are no “former Marines,” there are no “former teachers.” Although I haven’t known B.J. her entire life, I suspect that she’s always been a teacher and always will be.
That was clearly the case during her Industry Only presentation about writing. The class was engaged and attentive right from the start, as B.J. took them to school, where she was the “cool teacher” who everyone loved.
This was a very interactive class–attendees had a chance to share their “WIPs” (not “whips”), their main characters, and story ideas.
I think that if B.J. had wanted to, she could have kept the class there all evening.
I would suggest that DomCon have B.J. come back and do more teaching. I’d even suggest a class about how to choose and work with an editor, but that might be considered self-serving on my part.
sizeerrorprojection ~ B.J. and I rehearsed our dialogue scene the night before. She had originally planned a full run-through of the presentation, but with the video problem, we had enough.
The next day, Claire and servicepet hand out surveys, paper and pens, and I have to get the video working. I struggle. The display showed the projector was recognized and connected but no picture. After several mishaps, I power cycled the projector, and it solves the problem just as the A/V help arrives.
Mistress Cyan and her sub are seated in the front row, and she tells her sub what to write for the assignments.
B.J. starts out a little nervous; I heard it in her voice, but she forges ahead. Soon, I felt the class relax, and everyone was engaged. She’s so good at making people feel welcome.
B.J. goes through her presentation without reading from notes and keeps the class engaged and writing. The class asks questions, and everyone is focused. There are a lot of senior dommes present, and it is an Industry Only class.
We do our mini skit; how NOT to write dialogue and then how TO write dialogue. I’m glad we had the rehearsal. We got lots of chuckles during the stilted conversation demo, and I smile. She opted to not slap me for real, but I react as if she gave me a good, hard SMACK! More chuckles. Yay!
B.J. then discusses the pros and cons of writing by the seat of your pants or planning in advance. She shows several outlines of her stories and gets some gasps from the audience when they see the outline for “This is Knot Domcon”, her most complex undertaking to date with a multitude of characters and sub-plots.
There were smiles all around at the end of class, and we only lost a few people during the presentation. There was a ton of discussion after class. The hotel wanted us out, but there were people waiting for some time with B.J. I asked them to come to our booth in the vending hall to continue the conversation, and they came!
Such a great class and great class attendees! Thanks to everyone for making this a great experience!
To toymax, servicepet, Claire, Thomas, and sep ~ I could not have done this without you! *hugs* And to everyone who attended ~ you guys are awesome, and I wish you well with your WIPs! Contact me if you want a consultation.
Conclusion
Even though I wasn’t able to flit around the convention like I normally do, it was still an awesome time. I met new cool people and reconnected with cool people. I’ve talked a lot about how to be a newbie at kink events. The more you attend, the more friends you make.
I can attest to that fact. Nearly every DomCon someone new attends because of me, and my list of people to reconnect with gets bigger. It’s an awesome feeling to stand here now and look back. Shoutouts to all the great peeps!!
And a special shoutout to my booth peeps. Claire and I have been a dynamic duo, selling books to even those who claim to hate erotica. Adding more awesomeness to the booth are my booth boys. Thomas, with a voice to ensure no one passes the booth without talking to us, was an essential seller.
Servicepet stealthily stood across the aisle and spoke with obvious readers, set them up, and then handed them off for the close. Sep, reading nearly all of my books, was also an essential seller, because he was able to recommend the perfect book to people.
While we didn’t have much downtime in the booth, I managed to snatch this photo of sep (the star) and servicepet (right). Adorbs!
Thank you to Claire, Thomas, servicepet, and sep for your support, your help, the laughter, the love. You’re special to me… now stop lollygagging! 😀
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
