E li is Out!
I’m so proud of this series. Rich in character development and storyline, even if you’re not into gay erotica, there’s much to love here!
After the last blog post about the collaborative effort, I received a couple of snarky messages questioning whether it was, in fact, as good as I said. You guys crack me up!
By way of *not* defending but further explaining… at the beginning of nearly every meeting, Jessie and I would state a long list of things that were on our plates that needed attention before we could get to writing, editing or brainstorming. We told each other it was okay; that whenever we got around to it would be fine. We’d conclude the meetings by saying not to expect anything for a week.
Then, invariably the next day, each of us would have some kind of draft emailed. Why? Because that’s how energized we got after our meetings. One idea would feed into another–or be shot down–and the intricate connections to weave the entire series together were formed.
How could we not immediately grab our keyboards and begin that creative journey?
After speaking with other authors who have not had similar experiences, it makes me all the more proud of this collaboration. I know you’ll love it, and we look forward to your feedback!
A Domme for Christmas
Excited to share the first review from toymax on Goodreads!
He and I watched several made-for-TV xmas movies over the summer because he wasn’t familiar with them. It was in preparation for his better enjoyment of this book.
As he devoured it, he shared with me some similar tropes that he recognized… and he also commended my cleverness with the ones that I twisted for my purposes *wicked grin*
What can I say? You’re gonna love this one, too!
I’m a feedback whore, so buy “A Domme for Christmas” today… then tell me what you think!
Domcon Review Part 3
I’m so glad you enjoy these review posts because I love to write them! It’s fun to see what we both learn.
If you missed the first two, here are links. First post. And the second post.
Apparently, last time I was a bit ambiguous with how I phrased Multiperv’s foot class. The chart on the type of feet by region was meant to see which foot style you like the best in your partner but some of you interpreted it as what your feet look like. I suppose it fits both ways, so it’s all good.
I told you earlier that there wasn’t enough time at Domcon to interview Mistress Mia but we scheduled one for after… and I am happy to report that that did, in fact, occur. It was incredible, and I can’t wait to share it with you. But it will take me some time to compile because it was so long but so good.
Also, I have tons more to tell you first!
C’mon, y’know I gotta give ya a tease. You’re welcome. *grin*
A bit of an apology… I was traveling last week and didn’t do a good job of collecting comments from the last review post. So please do not feel excluded if you don’t see your name. Gimme another comment on this one, and I promise to do better with Part 4.
Comments:
cb-6000-lover ~ I keep checking for NOLA 2.0, hope it’s nearly ready
Multiperv ~ Thanks for another great blog post and for the very nice review of my class. I don’t know if you took notes but either way I was impressed by how much you remembered and how elegantly and concisely you recapped it. [You’re welcome, and of course I took notes :)]
One small correction: I wasn’t saying that my toes were in a Greek configuration, I was saying the toes I most like tend to be in that configuration. My toes are actually more of the Roman configuration. [now we’ve got your feet both ways!]
sizeerrorprojection ~ Like Multiperv, my feet are also “Greek”. Hope you’re enjoying life, my friend! [always, with wonderful readers like you!]
toymax ~ For an outsider like me, it is fascinating to see how people found their dream and what they made of it. I particularly like the explanations about the foot class (btw. my foot/toe ratio is kind of ‘Egyptian’) and the portable dungeon. Thank You for showing me this secret and hidden world. I hope the next part of Domcon NOLA Review will come soon. I look forward to more interviews. [It’s my pleasure to bring kink conventions to those who think they’d never attend. This review contains two interviews, so get comfy…]
rubbug ~ Thank you for including the foot fetish bit. Felt like I learned a bit, especially with the feet stimulators being close to the sexual ones. For me, it’s definitely sweaty, stinky feet. Not so much dirty ones. And I’d say both Greek and Egyptian look appealing to me. I wanted to say thank you, too, Miss B.J. I usually felt like such a weirdo just being on this site [bdsmlr] and enjoying the things I see here. But since we spoke and I’ve read a few of your books and blogs, I don’t feel that weird. Basically, it’s nice to know there is a community of a bunch of pervs and weirdos like me. I feel like it’s helped me be a bit more accepting of myself. 🙂 [This makes me smile! It’s exactly for this reason that I write these reviews. You’re welcome… and you’re not a weirdo or a perv. At least not in a bad sense *grin*]
Classes:
Rope 101: A Knotty Start
This class was taught by Pirate Krissie with the assistance of Shay.
I arrived just as things were getting started, and snagged a seat in the front row… and quickly realized I was ill-prepared. I had forgotten my trusty notebook and purple pen. Not to fear; I had my phone and took notes the way all the kids are doing it these days; with my thumbs.
Now I was ready to take in all the learning. However, it was a hands-on class, and I didn’t have rope. Luckily, being late sometimes has advantages because, being in the front row, I was first in line to get a loaner from the instructors.
A huge shout-out to Mistress River, seated on my right. She had several bundles of blue hemp rope that she graciously loaned to others in the class.
My loaner rope was nylon and Mistress River’s was hemp. Hemp is similar to jute. It’s rougher and harder to clean but it grabs better, which is what you want with rope play. Nylon, on the other hand, is cheap and easy to clean but it give rope burns too easily.
Comparing the two materials, I found the hemp easier to manipulate… but I was still grateful for my nylon loaner.
It was an overly-full class and an attentive one. Pirate Krissie normally limits her classes to 20, but she and Shay did a wonderful job demonstrating, teaching and helping everyone.
The first thing she discussed were the no-no’s of rope play. You know I’m a fan of learning the proper way of doing things, so anything that includes the “don’ts” is a plus!
Things to consider before playing with rope. NEVER leave a sub alone while tied, even if it’s just to get a drink. There are tons of images and captions in smedia that talk about leaving a sub tied up as the dominant leaves for an extended period of time. It’s simply unsafe.
Too many things can go wrong. For example, if a sub is tied to a chair and sneezes with force, it could tip him over, and he could hit his head on the ground.
So please, get your drinks before you start playing.
Always have a sharp pair of scissors on hand. In a worst case scenario situation, you don’t want to rely upon yourself to get knots out or, even worse, if you can’t get them out, and the sub suffers. It seems pretty basic but it’s a good reminder.
If you’re worried about the cost of the rope… don’t. Safety first. Replacing the rope is much better than injuring a sub.
When tying, always leave two fingers underneath so the rope doesn’t pinch and the grip isn’t too tight. You will be able to tighten after you complete the knots.
There’s a quick and easy test to ensure your sub isn’t allergic to the material. Allow the sub to hold the rope for a few minutes. If he becomes itchy, he’s allergic.
Also, a good dominant should ask about joint and nerve pain before playing. Likewise, a sub should communicate any problems beforehand.
Note that cold and/or redness of the skin isn’t necessarily bad; it just means it’s losing oxygen. The problem arises when the limbs lose color or turn gray.
A final note that is a good “oh yeah!” reminder is: If the dominant or the sub has long hair, it should be tied up prior to playing because it can get caught in rope and suspension play.
After that point, it was hands-on learning. I practiced tying my wrist to my wristlet, which made Pirate Krissie chuckle. But it was easier for me to do that and see what I was doing. Many thanks to Mistress River, who allowed me to practice on her, and who patiently slowed down the process to demonstrate individual steps when I was lost. [I did remind her to make sure she got her rope back!]
The same goes for Krissie and Shay, who walked the room and helped everyone.
A great class overall. They taught a few more classes over the weekend, which I wasn’t able to attend. But I witnessed some extreme and artistic rope work in the play parties.
If you’re going to be in the New Orleans area, you should consider taking a class or two with Pirate Krissie. She can be found on Fetlife.
Interviews
Mistress Cyan
Mistress Cyan grew up in New Orleans. Her mom was from Ireland and her dad was from NOLA. She had a great childhood with principles and value. She was taught that time is the only thing you’re given. You don’t know how much you have, so you should spend it wisely.
Her parents were also progressive. As a little, short, thin boy, Mistress Cyan got beaten up in the second grade. Her dad walked her over to the boy’s house and talked to his dad. He said, “Let’s make this a fair fight.” And he had that dad bring out the boy so Mistress Cyan could return the favor.
At the age of seven, Mistress Cyan’s parents moved to L.A., which had a better climate for asthma.
In fourth grade, she punched a classmate over a sweater, but is quick to advise that the best way to win a fight is not to get in it.
With the support of her parents, Mistress Cyan was comfortable being different, and she’s always been a champion of the under-represented. And. She’s no pushover.
As a child, she used sports to combat sexuality because, even though she was secure, she wasn’t confident to come out.
She grew into her height at an early age, and she excelled in track and field. At the first awards banquet, she was presented with the “best legs” award, and she immediately freaked out that people knew! It took her a few “hurdles” to realize they were simply recognizing her long and talented limbs.
Even though she never talked to her parents about her kink, on her 25th birthday, her dad gave her a necklace and earrings.
Before internet, in the ‘70s and ‘80s, there was more confidentiality and more respect for the kink community. A lot more was at stake: People could lose their kids, be banished and/or lose jobs.
For early hookups and political pleas, see the first review post.
As more and more acceptance was given to sexuality of all kinds, groups were formed. On the one hand, groups are wonderful for camaraderie but they can also be exclusionary. One group allows this but doesn’t allow that. Also, if people are banished from one group for whatever reason, another group may form.
There was friction between professional sex workers and lifestylers. In femdom forums, someone may be kicked out because she’s a professional. The flipside argument was that lifestylers were doing it longer.
Mistress Cyan formed Domcon to bring the two together. She was told it couldn’t be done; that the members of each would not meld. Not only did it work, but each group learned from each other in classes. They bound together to share commonality and learned to respect their differences.
Did she succeed? Well, in May of 2023 in L.A., Domcon will be celebrating its 20th year. Plus, there’s talk of it going international. So yes, it’s a huge success.
She’s also the founder of Sanctuary Studios LAX, which is a 7,000 square foot dungeon facility with top notch dommes, subs and switches.
If you think Mistress Cyan created Sanctuary and Domcon for the money, you’d be wrong. She has an illustrious business career of over 35 years as director of operations for a corporation grossing boatloads of moolah. And before that, she was in the music industry.
At the age of 30, Mistress Cyan fully embraced her kink and actually started out as a sub. She was 
collared to one person for a couple of years. She felt the yin/yang balance, and she learned protocol. Accepting the stepping stones, she was determined to be the best slave and show the utmost of self-discipline.
You’ve heard it in many of my review interviews: The best dommes are those who started as subs. They can truly appreciate the mindset of a sub and how best to orchestrate a scene… and adjust if/when things go wrong.
Mistress Cyan plays with authenticity and knows that a slave is NOT lesser. There is strength in submission. She doesn’t advise collaring anyone in less than a year. And she believes that one should have a desire to dominate. Meaning, one should find fulfillment in doing it.
I discussed with Mistress Cyan some of her techniques while playing, and it fits in nicely with her class I attended. So I will save that for the next review to give it proper attention. And yes, to keep you wanting more *grin*
Mistress Cyan ~ I am in awe of your BDSM skill, and grateful you created a place which isn’t just “inclusive” but “welcoming”.
Goddess Phoenix
It’s no surprise that many of you expressed an interest in knowing more about Goddess Phoenix, after I mentioned how much my Mrs. Claus character in “A Domme for Christmas” resembles her.
By way of background, the two women are platinum blondes, bisexual, drop-dead gorgeous, and age eludes them.
Now let me tell you about the real woman.
Check out her website for tons of accolades but here are a few. She’s been a professional domme for over 25 years. She’s been on the Domcon Advisory Board since 2011. She’s a title belt holder for SKC, Southeast Kink Championship. She was the first woman inducted into the BDSM Hall of Fame in 2022. She’s the first professional domme to be asked to teach a cruise about BDSM. That’s right. You can cruise with Goddess Phoenix and learn about BDSM!
If you’re not impressed yet, be sure to check out this clip, where Goddess Phoenix flogs a Storm Trooper. Yes, that’s a “Star Wars” reference! Even if “the force” isn’t with you, you will appreciate her skills.
I first met Goddess Phoenix when she approached my booth. I introduced myself, and she threw her arms around me in a big hug, saying, “You’re B.J. Frazier!” There was an instant connection.
She was a VIP guest and on the board of Domcon with much history and an entourage, and it was a thrill to be “up close and personal”. We spoke fast, in short phrases, because we were on the same wavelength.
With her eye drawn to “14-Day Lockdown with Goddess Serena”, I told her the synopsis. She wasted no time in saying, “I gotta have that one, and I’ll tell you why.”
While I signed her book, she flipped through her phone to show me a picture… which was an artist’s rendition of the goddess in a dungeon… which looks eerily like the dungeon on Lockdown’s cover! Did I tell you there was an instant connection??
Goddess Phoenix told me that she wants to create a book with 25 different authors, where each author writes a single chapter, and, collectively, it makes an entire book. She wants me to be one of the authors! Naturally, I accepted… but had to add that she may want to wait to read the book first.
She looked me square in the eyes and said, “I don’t need to. I already know.”
We continued to chat, and she pulled my hand to the back of her head to feel a huge divet. It was the result of a traumatic event in her life. She revealed that she’s an empath and uses her domination sessions to heal those who come to her.
Carpe diem: I asked if she had time to be interviewed on the spot. She agreed. I quickly babbled to Multiperv, who said, “Yes, go!” And the Goddess and I went into the hallway, where it was quieter.
Her dad is native American and her mother is English. She grew up on a reservation, where the shaman gave her the name “Phoenix”, because he saw her future and knew she would rise from the ashes.
When she was 22, she had a near-death experience after her ex-boyfriend raped and beat her, kicked her in the head, and left her for dead. While she was lying on the floor, she wrote his name in blood.
At the hospital, her mother was told that she wouldn’t make it. Her mother said, “You’ve never met Phoenix.”
After being pronounced dead, then in a coma for three weeks, Phoenix recovered.
She chose “Goddess” because it represents evolution and ascension. Her entire professional life has been devoted to giving back to the community… and that’s why her sessions center on healing. She is a firm believer in “never let the chain of kindness go unbroken”.
She spoke about subs and slaves with PTSD. Her current slave, who waited on her during the interview, is a solider with PTSD. As she referenced his trauma, she looked at him, and his slight bow of the head spoke volumes.
There was once a female client who had suffered physical abuse. She was so traumatized that she couldn’t even look at a punishment implement. When she went to Goddess Phoenix, she sat crouched, terrified. She confessed to be afraid of being hit.
Instead, Goddess Phoenix handed her a flogger. She told the client to hold it, touch it. More importantly, she taught the client that the flogger is an inanimate object that possesses zero power. Once the client accepted that fact, she relaxed. Goddess Phoenix empowered the sub to take back her fear.
The breakthroughs empower the goddess as much as they empower those who go to her. There’s a transfer of energy, a lesson, a light, and, when done properly, a freedom.
Everything about the goddess is flooded in light. She relayed her past with a smile on her face. She refuses to dwell on it; wishing instead for people to remember her rising rather than the ashes.
As transcendent as she is, there are playful and grounded qualities within her as well. When asked at what point did she realize her kink, Goddess Phoenix cocked her head, smiled and told me the following story with a glint in her eye.
When she was younger, she pretended to be Wonder Woman. She took a cord from the drapes as her Golden Lasso, and she tied up her brother.
She admits to knowing from a young age about her kink, and claims her mother always knew this was her path to follow. The goddess was quick to add, “Why would you deny what you enjoy in life?”
Goddess Phoenix is one of the professional dommes to appear in Max Candy’s upcoming documentary about professional dommes from around the world, “tOuch Kink”. [Goddess Phoenix can be seen at the 42-second mark!]
While she proudly declares, “You have to live your best life for you,” the statement modestly detracts from all that she gives back. Then again, maybe because she lives her best life is the reason why she’s so good at what she does.
Goddess Phoenix ~ I thoroughly enjoyed our connection and look forward to working with you. Until then, as promised, I am sending you a coupon to “your” book!
A Preview of Things to Come
The next and final review post will include a peek into Domcon’s play party, a class on the “Dynamics of a BDSM Scene with Mistress Cyan”, and an interview with Mistress Mia.
Until then, snuggle up with a B.J. Frazier book.
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
