I have so much to tell you, and it’s all good! I hope your April hasn’t been flooded and that you’re safe, happy and kinky. With the KinkFest Review, this blog post will be long, so I will save a more detailed Pupdate until next time.
Until then, here are some pix of my boys.
Newsletter Subscribers got bonus pix of Koki, so make sure you subscribe today (at the bottom of this page) so you don’t miss the next ones!
This installment is quick-paced and hot!
Why is Obadiah enraged?
What is Cozima’s punishment?
How is Dayra’s first public scene?
Plus: Geo’s reveal; Neelam and Dayra’s tryst; Gemma’s grandstanding; and more in this episode of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”… with Episode 36 coming soon.
Get your copy today!
If you haven’t started the series yet, you can jump in by getting The First Season at a discount, and don’t forget to get the Supplement, which contains all the behind-the-scenes tidbits as well as charts and episode synopses.
Reviews are important, especially in the erotica genre. So go to Goodreads and write reviews for all of my books that you’ve read. Also, “like” the other positive reviews. Not only could you influence a potential reader but you’ll make me happy. Remember, our new goal is 1,000 reviews!
Just released at a savings is “The Dominion and the Sugilite – Third Season”. You get all 10 episodes at a discount!
I realize I’m halfway through the fourth season… but the Supplement to the Third Season will be out shortly. Don’t forget to add the supplements to get bonus, behind-the-scenes features along with character charts and episode synopses!
“It Wasn’t What I Wanted” is now in audiobook format!
What happens when a controlling husband wants a taste of submission and his wife wants a banquet of dominance?
When Alpha Male Mitch decides his marriage and sex life need some spice, he stumbles across femdom. Under the guidance of a sex-shop worker, Mitch learns how to relinquish some control to his wife.
A wife who, unfortunately for him, then places him in chastity and makes him rethink his submission.
But has his re-evaluation come too late?
PSST: Newsletter Subscribers received a coupon for either “It Wasn’t What I Wanted” or “He Wanted It” audiobook or “They Wanted It” electronic. Make sure you don’t miss out on the next special, and sign up for my newsletter today!
Hump Day Challenge
I recently started a new feature on my Imaglr account–which is NSFW–Hump Day Challenge. The challenge lasts a week, and I will personally respond to every comment until the next challenge goes live.
Unfortunately, Imaglr doesn’t allow people to add pictures and/or gifs when reblogging a post (unless anyone out there knows how to do it; and if you do; DM me!). However, I’ve received some lovely “evidence of completion” pix in my DMs from people who took part in the challenge.
If you search my Imaglr account for “Hump Day Challenge” or “hdc”, you’ll get the latest post. Participate and then tell me about it. Also, if you have an idea for the next HDC, DM me.
Follow and DM me on Imaglr. And check out All My Links.
B.J.’s Online Book Club
The last Book Club was so much fun! We talked about “He Wanted It”… but we also delved into revealing things about ourselves. It was more of a sharing discussion than we’ve ever had, and some members messaged me after to ask if I was upset.
Not at all! I am proud of our cultivated kink community, where we feel safe to be honest with each other, and even tease. It made my heart swell. 😀
Next Book Club will be Saturday, May 16 at 4:00p EST, and we will be discussing “The Dominion and the Sugilite – The Second Season”.
DM me to be included:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Imaglr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BlueSky ~ Not Safe for Work
I had the pleasure of editing and reading Mike Bowerbank’s “The Psychic Assassin”. It is a quirky detective/lesbian rom-com which Mike sums up best in his tagline:
“It’s an odd name for a romantic comedy, but here we are”.
I’ve showcased many of Mike’s books in the past. For this one, I’ll refer you to my five-star review on Goodreads, and tell you to purchase it here.
For a sneak peek into Mike’s mind, though, I’m sharing his dedication:
“Thanks to BJ Frazier, my beta reader, who was supportive (as always) and a wonderful help. I don’t know how, but she always manages to find dozens of errors, even after I’ve run the story through spellcheck, grammar-check, and then personally re-read it about 5-6 more times. She also let me know what parts she found funny (so I’d better know if the jokes were landing), would write “ugh” after the groaners, and sometimes just “no”. For the record, I kept all three sets of jokes in but I won’t be telling her that.”
If that paragraph put a smile on your face, then read the preview of “The Psychic Assassin”.
Here’s what you said after the last blog post.
sizeerrorprojection ~ OMG!!! How did you get that picture! Paw in mouth tongue hanging out… that’s hysterical!!!!! Happy Attis Day / St. Patrick’s Day [I’d like to say it took hours and hours, but that is Koki’s go-to position right before he falls asleep 😀 Thanks; hope you had a lovely Attis Day, sep!]
Chaste Solo ~ I’ve read your blog post; I’m so proud that you’ve mentioned me and that my photo is used to illustrate your points. Merci Madame ☺ [You are the first person to respond with photographic evidence of taking the Hump Day Challenge, CS :)]
I saw you have dogs; they look very affectionate and must bring you joy. [This is true… I love them both very much]
rubbug ~ Great blog post. Your boys are definitely residents of the cute territory. It’s cool that you get both super energetic and chill between both of them. Good balance. [Koki is super chill right after puppy daycare *grin*]
The Attis Day D/s was a fun read and it was interesting to see what transpired between Cinders and her target. [Yay; so glad you’re enjoying the series, rb!]
I’ve done a few of the hump day challenges but I forget to respond to those posts. They are definitely fun though [Now y’gotta DM me all the ones you forgot about, rb! :p]
I think I’ll save those links Thomas provided for some self experimentation since there is an absence of research. [Thomas will be happy to know he was helpful!]
Send me your thoughts on this blog post, and I’ll include it in the next Community Kink Chat!
KinkFest 2026 Review!
It was my first time at KinkFest, and I can summarize my experience in one word: Wow! I liked every person I met–and a huge shoutout to my new kinky friends! Thanks to those of you who sent me notes on your free digital downloads. If you haven’t downloaded yet, don’t forget to use your Coupon Codes because they expire May 6th. You should have received an email with your codes; if not, please email me.
KinkFest is in Portland, Oregon, and it was my first visit to the state. It is beautiful, and everyone we met were welcoming and friendly. I admit to feeling like a slacker, because there was a huge emphasis on recycling, organic products and being environmentally conscious overall. Our rental was a combination of bohemian mixed with native. There were plants everywhere–including a large potted one that took up half the shower.
There was an old pinball machine in the living room, which solidified the booking… and I was disappointed to learn it was inoperable 🙁 But there was a record player and albums, and Chancellor Pratt (CP) kept us on beat the whole weekend.
KF operates a highly organized, well-communicated, safe, and friendly event. The vending space was 65k square feet, so we never felt cramped… even on Sunday, when we had three people’s bags, four chairs and book baggage!
Setting up the booth was a breeze, and afterwards we (Claire, CP and I) checked out the event space. Happy hellos to Trent and Jessie from The Kink Shop, Danny from Leather by Danny, Az from Juxta Toys, and Gary and Diana from Dungeon in a Bag! [
See my previous DomCon Nola/LA and LLC review blog posts for interviews with them]
Violet was the vending coordinator, and we had planned on doing an interview to get the history of KF, but the weekend was so busy. Hopefully she’ll have time to talk with me later or I’ll try again next year.
Exploring the area, we found huge classrooms with large-screen TVs, a food court, main dungeon, medical dungeon, tons of medical/first aid stations, the main stage, the Jiffy Kink board, hospitality suite, bathrooms, littles area, pet area, and grounding area. Everything was clearly marked–signs! What a fabulous concept!
I’ll do the dungeons first, because I know you’re curious. I took videos before they were operational, because once the conference began, no photography was allowed. In fact, when people registered, they had to put painter’s tape on their phones (which was a downer for us, because I have a QR sign that goes directly to my Quizzes, so when people are rushing to a class, they can scan it and come back to it later. There have even been people who took quizzes standing outside our booth).
You will note how vast the main space is (first video). But the best thing I noticed was taped dividers on the floor. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people walk into scenes at other public dungeons, so this was genius! Also, the far left is where they taught classes on dungeon etiquette for newbs, which ran several times throughout the weekend. In the medical section (second video)–which was also huge for a subsection–you can see tons of plastic on the floor.
There were also lots of free resources within the kink community as well as the grounding station, which was directly across from my booth. It was for people who felt overwhelmed or those needing a break. It was a curtained, oversized booth that offered massages, counseling, Tarot readings, naked yoga, or just a quiet place. The most notable and abundant resource were medical tables.
Claire “continued to experiment with her flying machine and failed, but nothing could keep her from supporting me.” 😀 She miscalculated the stairs in our rental, spraining her ankle and damaging her pride. To be fair, the stairs were treacherous! When we got to the Expo Center, CP went to a medical station in search of an ACE bandage, and they handed it over (after asking proper questions) and refused to accept any money. Thank you, KF volunteers!
I mentioned the Jiffy Kink board earlier. It is a hook-up board to meet and play with other kinksters. Y’know, how things were done before the internet… in writing with pen and paper. At a convention with so many attendees, some type of meet-up system was a pretty clever addition, and one that supported the entire sense of community.
There was a huge space for littles with toys, a colorful, matted floor, stuffed animals, and arts and crafts. There was another section for pets. And on Easter Sunday, there was an Easter egg hunt for the littles. My booth was given three eggs. 🙂
I didn’t get to leave the booth this conference because traffic was heavy. But I was able to go to the bathroom, where they even
had signs there! Of course I had to show you… and we found out that the KF volunteers were responsible for cleaning the space, including the commodes.
Fun was still attainable because I got to talk about my books, and you know how much I love doing that! As much as I try not to sound like I have said everything a thousand times… CP reminded me that I do say the same things: He tried to sell me a book using my words! 😀
We loved meeting readers and hearing how much they enjoyed erotica (or not, and would experience first with a B.J. Frazier book!), and how their real lives were different from their kink lives. When asked if she enjoyed reading erotica, one customer responded, “I identify as a reader… but I haven’t read much lately.” That cracked us all up!
I met people who are in kinky book clubs and those who wanted to join mine (not mutually exclusive). For those in book clubs already, I offered to be a guest speaker should they select one of my books in the future. You will NOT hear me say how excited I am to see new people in the next Book Club, because no one from a conference has shown up yet. So I’m grounded, yet remain hopeful that someone from KF will show up next month! 😀
This conference I spent a lot of time providing synopses of all 12 printed books when people said they loved to read all types of erotica. Some walked away without purchasing, and I kinda felt like I was supplying would-be writers with prompts. Then towards the end of the event, we stopped a young woman whose face lit up when she heard “erotica”. Her dom smiled, knowing how much she loves to read.
She said she loved everything and couldn’t choose a cover, so I offered to tell her about them all, and she agreed. Her dom actively listened, too; and they both nodded during my recitation. When I got to the end, she said she really likes to read about female submissives. So I pulled out a business card with “Betting the Pride; Losing the Prejudice” and told her it’s as close as I get, with my take on a bull/hotwife/cuck trilogy.
Politely, she took the card but shook her head. She thanked me and turned to leave. But her dom stopped her. He sternly said that she can’t take up that much of a vendor’s time without buying anything, and told her to pick out a book; his credit card in hand. She chose the bull/hotwife trilogy… and I wanted to jump the guy on the spot! Certainly, no one is obligated to buy. Ever. But his recognition was hugely appreciated. 🙂
Sales were the highest at this convention, which had a theme of people seeking monster-fucking erotica. The cover that caught the most attention was “The Ethical Werewolf Society”, which was in a small frame–made for my previous conference because of the Halloween timing. Someone explained the appeal to me this way: life sucks, so when she reads, she wants a complete escape. And monsters fucking are far removed from real life (please hold your political jibes).
I gave her the synopsis of EWS and also told her about “The Dominion and the Sugilite”–a newly-printed book of the complete First Season. She was nodding and smiling through the set-up, but when I got to “…and then I add in Nymphs, Satyrs, Centaurs, and Futa” she was sold!
In fact, I sold out of D/s, including the display copy! EWS was a close second. Followed by “Eli” and “Mistress Managed”.
One night we went to The High Water Mark, a bar that served a vegan burger (for CP–not to be confused with a gluten-free burger). Claire and I met CP’s wife Lisa! It was fabulous to meet her 
after so many years. Lisa, we hope to see you at the next convention!
For our other meals, we were all afraid sep, the foodie, would be disappointed in us, because we ordered in! Thursday morning, CP and I walked to the nearest grocery store (which was 99% health foods and 1% general), and we got some breakfast items. We ate lunch from the local food carts at the event (which were yummy… except for a teriyaki noodle chicken salad, which was served cold [who wants to eat cold noodles?!] and the sauce was in a separate container, so it really wasn’t teriyaki chicken).
We tried to attend the opening ceremony Friday night, but there weren’t enough chairs. We sat on the floor against the wall, and others sat in the space between the wall and chairs. They had a Femdom/Themdom performance before the ceremony, which was interesting to watch. But as it got closer to the start time, some people stood, so we no longer had a view of the stage, and the performance ran over, and it was a long day of selling. So we opted to go home and order pizza.
Interview with Vivian Vibes
Interview with I met Vivian Vibes while setting up the booth. She was volunteering and checking on vendors. From the second I saw her, I felt a connection. She is a free spirit with a pulse on extrasensory perceptions, and, of course, amazing vibes! We spoke only briefly before I knew I needed to know more about her–kinky from an early age, a sex phone worker, sweet smile with evil glint, and Reiki healer. So I asked to interview her and talked about cross-promotion. She was down.
The second day, Vivian stopped by and bought “The Service Sub” after reading several pages of it. She said she likes Pierre. When she came back on Sunday, she said she *really* likes Pierre and especially wants to fuck with him. I told her I didn’t think he could be fucked with, and Vivian said that’s exactly why she wants to try. 😀
I interviewed her on Sunday in the booth–and remember all the luggage, four chairs and the books and boxes, and we still had plenty of room!
When did Vivian Vibes know she was kinky? As a teenager she was into the aesthetic of it… vampire freaks and goth bondage in New York City. She was far too young but she was fascinated. At 17 she went to a friend’s who showed her Shibari, and she wanted more than anything to do it.
At 18, Vivian lived with other friends who took her to her first kink event, the Spectacle of Sin, in Vermont. She remembers in vivid detail the first time she saw a femdom… the woman was tall and slender with a high, tight, brunette ponytail wearing red and black latex. Vivian says she simultaneously wanted to be her and be beaten by her.
At the same event, she saw guys on crosses, and she was mesmerized by the sounds; coming from the men and also from the implements. Still later that same night, though, she witnessed a fish hook suspension scene that she could not handle. That’s where Vivian learned her first limit.
Within a year, Vivian began working as a professional dominatrix at 19. In Vermont she worked for an escorting service. One day her boss said, Vivian, you have a fuckin’ attitude problem. Have you ever thought about being a dom? Soon after, she got her first client.
When she was 15 or 16, her mom said, Viv, I have a feeling you’re gonna be into some things. Make sure it’s safe, sane and consensual. For both of you. If it’s not, then don’t do it. Strong advice, and Vivian took it to heart.
Vivian knew what she needed to learn, and the first thing was anatomy. She was interested in physiology, psychology and neurology and did a deep dive into the human brain. She read many psychological studies and converted the information into BDSM, thereby blending both realms. From there, Vivian became heavily into sensory play and sensory deprivation.
Her first experience with a client who wanted golden shower didn’t go as planned. She spent all day drinking water. She arrived at his house looking professional and carrying a briefcase. When Vivian stepped into house, however, she went dry. She tried everything but just couldn’t pee. The session was cancelled, and she drove 120mph on highway while trying to get her corset off because she had to pee very badly.
Eventually she figured it out and now uses puppy pads, waterproof blankets, showers. Vivian admitted to being a squirter who knows how to aim. She can hit targets from 1.5-2 inches away. She worked at a peep show where people’s faces would be against glass. Being able to hit the glass on their faces earned her more tips.
Vivian’s studies expanded to parapsychology because she was interested in knowing what happens to the body to make sub space occur? She learned about hormonal responses in the brain, dopamine motivation, seratonin, and pain management–which actually develops in your stomach, and that’s why it’s important to eat before a scene. When all the stress and happy hormones are balanced, that’s where you’ll find sub space. And once in it, the neuropathways become malleable; also known as neuroplasticity.
It’s what the brain uses to learn new things or any new skill. It’s also where someone can regulate trauma, much like hypnosis. Say someone has past trauma that leads to anxiety because the brain constantly relives it, not knowing whether it happened today or 30 years ago. That story can be rewritten during sub space or neuroplasticity so the person can take control of the narrative.
Vivian becomes animated talking about the subject she is most passionate about, and declares the experience (for both parties) to be incredible and transformative. She is quick to point out that trust is necessary.
Vivian is an enigma with her warm and bubbly personality, instantly drawing you in. But remember, she is a sadist who will sweetly purr while using her implements with the utmost of force. She is caring; striving for a true connection in every session. She is open to many kinks and loves to make fantasies a reality… and she loves to push boundaries. Everything she does, though, is done safely and consensually. It’s the best blending of multiple kinks.
She meets people where they are, completely judgment-free. Most of her clients have taboo fetishes. “You can’t help what you desire but you can help how you navigate that desire.” That’s so true.
Her advice to first-time kink convention attendees: drink a lot of water, eat food, get rest, and allow yourself to just observe. Also, give as much grace to others as you would like given to you.
If you’d like to know more, go to her website, she’s vivianvibes on FetLife, and she’s a phone sex worker. Intrigued by her sweetness and inviting vibes? Reach out to her… but remember, she’s the one who wants to fuck with Pierre. No one fucks with Pierre! 😀
To Vivian ~ Loved getting to know you. Your effervescence shines brightly. I hope we get to talk more!
Thank you to everyone at KinkFest for making my virgin KF a happy one! Reminder to readers to use those coupon codes before May 6.
As always, a huge *hug* to Claire and Chancellor Pratt for supporting my art, for making fun of me, and for being the friends I love to crash with after crazy days of selling. Love you guys!
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I 
created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, tell me what you think and how you used them.
Update… the previous ASK question was how to make your cum taste sweeter. The original asker thanked me and Thomas for featuring his ask on the blog and also sent me this update:
“The pineapple juice worked very well ☺ She sucked me off on Friday night and snowballed me. That was amazing and my cum tasted pretty good.”
And the following day: “She did it again! It’s so incredibly hot!”
To the asker ~ Yay! I’m glad you had a happy ending :p Thanks for the update, and keep up the communication with your girlfriend!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
