Meet Raina Basil… a domina in her thirties who sets up shop as a professional dominatrix in St. Paul, Minnesota.
She dropped out of college after a celebration turned criminal. With a looming debt, she goes to work giving lap dances at a strip club… which turn into femdom lap dances.
Betrayed too many times, Raina is hardened. Her D/s sessions are hardcore and without mercy.
“Best Served Cold” is a novel about revenge, and it’s a psychological look at why men seek submission. Coming soon!
Welcome and Thank You
Welcome to all of the new subscribers! It’s nice to see so many of you. Please check out the Kinky Links page, where you will find links to great sites, authors and quizzes that I have created.
Thank you to everyone who reads my newsletters and blog posts, and takes the time to drop me a note. Your thoughts are my muse to keep creating.
In a digital universe, it’s easy to connect with people around the globe. Thank you for trusting me with your secrets, sharing your thoughts, and providing feedback on my books. I am so honored.
MsC Worldwide Kink Convention is This Weekend!
Even if you’re unable to attend the online conference, it’s worth checking out their site. The M/s stands for Master/slave. They are a nonprofit organization with a focus on safe, sane and consensual play and lifestyles.
I am sponsoring the convention, so if you’re attending, look for my business card in the program. I’m also donating the entire “Perchance to Dream” series for their silent auction. Bid high!
Happy Birthday, Sean O’Toole!
Today is Sean’s birthday! I know he’s working on creating more great stories for you… the best present you can give him is to buy his books:
Three Erotic Tales in a Brown Paper Wrapper
A Box of Erotica from Sean’s Closet
The last two are collaborations with L.K. Lynch and yours truly.
Happy birthday, Sean!
Question: One of your statements [in the last blog post/newsletter] inspired a question. You correctly and admirably stated that most subs like to and try to please. And my question is, do you prefer that type or do you actually prefer the more ‘just during playtime’ types? I can see how they might require less effort and maybe even hassle versus a more ‘full-time’ submissive, who might require more direction, supervision, and praise and/or discipline.
B.J.’s Answer: Thanks for your question! I enjoy writing submissives across the board from door mat to brat.
But you’re asking about me personally.
I first have to state that I am not a lifestyler. Instead, I play casually, and my encounters are ad-libbed. I love to feed off of my partner and think in the moment. It’s a rush to focus on the cerebral aspects of kink while the body is desperate to go over the edge.
I’ve played with men who have wanted to be sissified, demeaned and/or beaten. I’ve played with men who did nothing without my order, and men who fought every single one. And I’ve done some roleplay I didn’t think I’d like but was pleasantly surprised.
Do I have a favorite type of sub? I do. I absolutely do. But I will keep that answer a secret. My favorite may not coincide with everyone else’s (see the next question). But more than that, I have to have some secrets. It’s more mysterious *wicked grin*.
Sean’s Answer: Great question! I’ve written some D/s fiction and dabbled a bit with online play, particularly back in the days when mIRC was really the place to be if you were into roleplay. It didn’t take me long to determine that I make a lousy sub. Giving up that much control triggers my claustrophobia.
On the other hand, while playing a Dom was fun, I spent enough time around IRL submissives to learn that Doms have a huge responsibility to take care of their sub(s) physically and emotionally, and I wasn’t prepared to take that on. I was lucky to have some really great teachers who welcomed my curiosity and were happy to share their experiences and thoughts with me.
So, put me on the “just during playtime” end of the D/s spectrum. Keep it fun and keep it safe is my motto.
Many of you have asked a variant of this question: Am I normal? Like, is it normal to want to submit to a woman? Is it normal to be curious about being with another guy (whether that’s to have him suck you, you suck him or more)? Is it normal to enjoy wearing panties?
B.J.’s Answer: I hate the word “normal” because it means that there’s a generally accepted set of rules. And guess what? There’s not!
I say, don’t worry about others–because if you go down that route, you’ll be conformed into vanilla, and we don’t want that. But seriously, there’s no one right way to kink… except for always being safe, sane and consensual. Beyond that (and legalities), it doesn’t matter as long as you enjoy it. And if you have a partner to enjoy it with, better still!
I’m not trying to dodge the question. The best kink relationships are those with open communication. Sit down and figure out what works for the two of you. And the sooner you start connecting with each other, the happier you’ll be. So leave the worry, the shame and all the negative feelings aside and embrace your kink.
Don’t know where to start? Try this kinky checklist.
I highly recommend researching effects and aftercare before you begin to play. Then, take time to debrief. Talk about what you liked, what you were inspired to try and what you can do without in the future.
It’s the talking that’s important. She might feel she spanked you too hard. You might think she wasn’t all that into it. It’s the shared communication that will create your own “normal”.
Let me just add that I’ve heard this question so many times that it became the foundation for “It Wasn’t What I Wanted” and “He Wanted It”. Check them out!
Sean’s Answer: The word “normal” requires a great deal of context. It’s sort of one-man’s-ceiling-is-another-man’s-floor argument. And within the kink community, there’s a tendency toward my-kink-is-okay-yours-is-perverted thinking. So I tend to reject the idea of “normal.”
Our culture’s definition of “normal” comes more from traditions based in religion. We’re raised to accept a common set of references for what’s normal and what’s not. Challenging those traditions means confronting those whose power is based upon them. We shame those who do things we’ve been programmed to believe are abnormal particularly when it comes to sex.
My own view is that if an activity is consensual, legal, causes no physical/emotional/psychological harm, and provides pleasure for all parties concerned, then it isn’t any of my damn business to tell someone it isn’t “normal.” Enforcing societal norms is a way of preserving the power of one group over another, and I oppose that.
I agree with B.J. (always a smart thing to do because she’s almost always right) that the best kink relationships involve open communication of desires, wants, needs, and expectations.
So play safe and have fun!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
