It’s Time to Get Serious!
We’ve talked about the numbers of bots in bdsmlr and Tumblr. If you haven’t read about them, here is my last blog post about those annoying DMs calling us sissies or slaves, and are replete with grammatical and spelling errors, followed by a quick ask of going off-site. In fact, my novel “Best Served Cold” contains DMs that I personally received.
Jokes aside, there are predators who are attacking children, and the crime is Sextortion. In fact, the amount of new sextortion cases in the United States is growing too quickly.
In a digital age, it’s easier to prey upon kids, especially if the predator sets up a profile as a 15-year-old boy who’s living in your child’s state, when he’s actually 45 and living in a different state or even a different country.
It starts with a simple friend request to your child’s Instagram or Snapchat account (or <insert smedia of your choice here>). Most kids blindly accept friend requests because it’s cool to have lots of followers, regardless of who they are. The friend request acceptance becomes a green light to chat. And if he has an avatar of a young, cute boy, a teenage girl will usually love the attention.
Keep in mind, kids who grew up with smedia don’t understand that their smedia profile *isn’t* private and that some things shouldn’t be posted. Their lives are smedia pictorials from what they eat to their emotions. So if a cute boy starts talking to them, they’ll talk back… and include personal information, like phone number, address, etc.
In Sextortion cases, it quickly turns sexual. The 15-year-old poser will send a dick pic (most often not his own) and ask for a return favor. There’s pressure, there’s a cute 15-year-old boy, and there’s also a thrill. However, once her photo(s) are received, the blackmailing begins. The “boy” says he has screenshots of their conversations and will post her pictures online if she doesn’t pay him.
Obviously, this is a crime, it’s horrible, and money shouldn’t be sent. For the teenage girl, though, it’s embarrassing. Who wants to go to her parents and admit to sending raunchy photos on her phone?
The FBI have been working closely with local law enforcement to educate parents. They say the best way to stop this crime is to prevent it from happening in the first place. How do you do that? Talk to your kids.
It won’t be a pleasant conversation but it will prevent an even more unpleasant conversation later. Tell your kids it’s not okay to post pictures of themselves in compromising positions, and certainly not without their clothes. Train them to be more guarded with personal information. One FBI agent tells his kids not to post pictures of friends in bathing suits.
Don’t know how to begin the conversation? Use the linked articles and tell it to them straight.
Another important part the FBI advise is to make sure your kids know that they can talk to you about anything. When things happen, it may seem like the end of the world. But if they know you will work with them to fix things, it will be okay.
Read more in the NYPost.com article.
Let me remind everyone that the admins at bdmslr continue to work tirelessly on banning bot blogs. As much as I’ve condemned Tumblr for not demonstrating the same level of care, I recently came across their blog or posting–not sure what it is–where they are asking users to report all bots in an attempt to rid their site, too.
Please keep up your efforts of reporting all suspected bots to the admins to help keep our online community safe.
And please, if you have kids, talk to them tonight!
Responses to Kinky Resolutions
My previous blog post contained a laptop rant, kinky resolutions and other goodies. The following are your comments… and mine. Enjoy and keep ‘em “cumming”!
LeftField ~ On that Detroit Metro article, Alt.com is a cesspool of scammers. If you’re good at using Google image search, you’ll quickly discover that 90+% of the accounts are fake. Even some of the ‘confirmed’ accounts are fakes. For a while, I’d find a fake account and report it to the admins. My guess is that they removed maybe 50%. Even if they did, the same photos under a different user name and location would show up soon after. Fortunately, I had become much better at spotting scams by that point. I would *highly* recommend not using that site.
[Great idea about doing a reverse image search! Good warning on verified accounts, too; I wouldn’t have thought of that. I don’t have as much experience with ALT but on AFF, I sent an email to the admins because I had blocked someone who was still sending DMs; they never responded]submissiveforDomme ~ I’d be more than happy to be led around in a leash by you for any reason. It would be such a thrill on many levels. And I could be your booth boy manning it when you want to be somewhere else or talking to someone or just having a break. [I’d love to; sounds like fun!]
It sounds like toymax knows what he’s talking about.
[I’m very grateful for his help and even asked him to build me a laptop. That’s when I learned that all of the pieces are proprietary… and got even angrier about the whole thing]I know the tech guy said bit-locker isn’t turned on, but if it were, it uses hardware IDs like hard drive and chipsets to create the encryption key so, if you change anything in it, it could cause an issue that would need to be addressed so it doesn’t get locked. I like your idea of writing down the code before starting anything. I used to have an imaging software license and if you have the software you could create an image of the hard drive before swapping it out and using that image to essentially copy your hard drive to the new computer instead of swapping hard drives.
[That part about Bitlocker wasn’t explained to me. I’m even happier that I didn’t let him touch anything. I’ve never heard of that imaging software. Does it work on programs, too?]Mike Bowerbank ~ Just read the laptop rant. Ouch. No wonder you were pissed. Who knew the Marx Brothers got new lives in the tech support industry?
[***LAUGHING***!!!]sizeerrorprojection ~ O.M.G. B.J.!!! I just read your laptop update. Unbelievable! I WILL wear the collar and leash.
[*nods* isn’t it, though? Sadly, that’s the way of corporatocracy. I’d love to see you in the leash and collar!]LeftField ~ I’m still wondering why you would include a link to an article that included websites that you knew were only in it for the money and were basically cesspools. I’m sorry Miss, that bothers me.
[I provided warnings, specifically for AFF and ALT. I don’t know all of the one listed, but Fetlife was mentioned and is legit, so there was a chance others were, too. Plus, I hoped it’d start a conversation where people could share positive sites.]rubbug ~ I know you mentioned some of your struggles with the laptop but wow. I would’ve given up long ago, it sounded beyond frustrating, idk how you dealt with that incompetence for so long.
[Keep in mind, this was my fourth laptop in eight months, too; but the others were quick get-and-return deals, with only one other that I actually set up]toymax ~ It’s good to see You’re back, Miss B.J. Congratulations on releasing Eli 2. Thank You for my posting about my birthday challenge. It was a hot pleasure – hehe. Your laptop odyssey… you are a power user who challenges the performance of the machine. Yes – BUT You chose a power machine with powerful components that should provide power – and not just for three or four hours. And one more word about the support . . . I really don’t want to say the involved support persons are amateurs, but [it] doesn’t look very professional to me. I hope it all comes to a good end, so You can focus on Your art again. It’s a shame that DomCon L.A. is unreachable for me. I would gladly volunteer for Your new leash and collar. I would even bring my candles to compare them with Yours.
[You are most welcome, and tons of thanks for all of your assistance throughout this arduous process. Love to see you in the leash and collar, and compare candles!]
I love hearing from all of you, so please keep the comments flowing 🙂
Or, if you prefer: Gimme your feedback, and that’s an order!
I don’t want to jinx anything buuuuuut I have been talking with my sound guy Thomas Antonson last week, and we’re a half-step away from being on Audible!!
He and I recorded in separate locations. Me, in my home, using the microphone that he selected for me with the configuration he gave me. Him, in his state-of-the-art, fancy shmancy professional sound recording studio.
Which recordings do you think failed his tests? <be careful with your answer!>
I’ll give you a hint: They weren’t MINE!
It’s so ironic. First one outta the gate will be “Closing the Deal”. Luckily, he only introduces the books and does the transitions, so it won’t be too much time to re-record those.
I’m so excited! *BUT* only because Audible has a larger audience than I do… currently. *grin* I’m NOT excited because of the lack of royalties they actually dole out.
However, I know many of you have been after me to get the audiobooks on Audible because you have monthly subscriptions. So this is for you.
Oh, and if you don’t have a subscription but are looking to get one, please wait until I’m on Audible. They have a “Bounty Program” where, if someone uses my link, signs up for membership *and* downloads one of my books as their first choice, I get a bonus 
payout! It’s a win-win-win situation… for you, me and Thomas Antonson.
Also coming soon is Eli – Book Three ~ The Perversion.
Proud to say that this book is already with the editor and will be released this month! Until then, make sure you’ve read Books One and Two.
Here is a sneak peek at the cover. Whaddya think?
This just in ~ the first 5* review on Eli – Book Two. Read it in Goodreads.
I read “Gurls Gone Wild: Naughty in Nature”, by Sally Bend. You may remember Sally from their 5* review of “A Domme for Christmas” recently. But you may not realize they also write as S.B. Medina.
“Gurls” is a hot four-gurl encounter–all presenting “girl” differently. It’s a quick read with explosive sex, but it also has depth. And it makes me proud to call this erotica because erotica doesn’t mean porn or a lack of story.
Read my 5* review! Then read Sally Bend’s book!
What is Going on with Twitter?
People are panicking because Twitshitland is a-twitter (sorry) with suspended accounts and warning labels on “tweets” (I can’t use that word as smedia verb without smirking).
I have a SFW Twitter account, @xxxBJFrazier and a NSFW account, @BJFrazierNSFW. [If you’re in Twitshitland and aren’t following me–fix it! Follow both accounts. I follow back in the SFW one.]
When Eli – Book 2 came out, I made a post about it, obviously. And I made it my pinned post [the first post you see when you go to my account]
They put a warning on the post claiming it contained sensitive and/or adult material. ?! They offer an appeal process, but the entire label/appeal is run by bots. I’ve appealed several in the past with less-than pleasing responses; many of them without the bother of a response at all.
Because it’s an algorithm, I copied and pasted my appeal multiple times. I didn’t count but it was at least six.
It worked, because I received a notification that said (paraphrasing): Hey, we fucked up and will remove the label. 
But they didn’t! I started a new appeal (there’s no designation for a new one) reminding them of their fuck-up and demanding they remove the label at once, since not only is there ZERO NUDITY in the post but there AREN’T ANY PEOPLE in it, either!
It has since gone unresponded. Or maybe it was responded to–the notification system on that site is difficult to monitor.
Major raspberries to AI algorithms in the name of “What’s Right”. GRRR
Lingering Laptop Lamentations
In my last blog post, I told you about my laptop woes. I won’t rehash it here because it’s long, and the follow-up isn’t short. If you’re interested, check that one out first.
I’ll do a brief reminder that our very own toymax read my laptop’s manual and discovered a critical calibration that needed to be performed when the system board is replaced. The tech who swapped my board and battery wasn’t aware of it nor was his supervisor, so it was never calibrated.
Moving forward in the story… I had to contact the corporate manager, as he didn’t respond to my email. I explained all the issues with the tech and the hard drive swap no-go. And I concluded with the battery is simply not powerful enough and, as such, I’ve already purchased a backup power bank. Because it’s not worth my time to start all over with a different computer, and I had to deal with–by his own account–“horrific” communication with the company, I asked to be compensated for the many failures.
His initial response was that he was reluctant to give me a refund for a computer I claim to be defective. <sigh> I tell him it’s a great machine, aside from the zero battery life issue. So he authorizes a percentage refund.
I also tell him that I want to speak with an actual tech person because I’m afraid something will happen since the calibration was never done. The CORPORATE MANAGER told me he DOESN’T KNOW how technical works, but he’ll pass it back to his subordinate to reach out to them.
So, I’m satisfied with my refund and have resigned myself to an excellent laptop, provided I’ve got access to constant power.
<cue the angelic music and gif of the heavens parting>
I got a call from… wait for it… *panting*… *trying not to faint*… AN ACTUAL TECH… and not only that, but a LEVEL TWO TECH!
It’s like the lens was moved into focus! I don’t have to explain basic computing terms and “technical” information because HE UNDERSTANDS what I’m saying!
Let me back up, though. Because remember, I was only going to talk to him about the calibration; I’d given up on the battery.
But he started the call with, “Hi, I was told to contact you about a problem with battery life on a laptop?”
So I corrected him… but then also figured, I might as well pick his brain if he’s offering it!
He had me do several things over the phone, taking me to places I’d never seen or knew existed on my computer. AND he told me that they have FOUR manufacturers for this particular battery! I had no idea. I had only taken pictures of the front and back of the original battery that was replaced, thinking the new one was exactly the same.
It wasn’t. I actually have had two different brands, which both worked the same. In fact, the tech said that the vendors are chosen because they will produce the same part to the same specifications. But I countered with, “Yeah, but y’know when you go to try on a pair of jeans, and they’re all the same size but a different designer, and they don’t fit the same?”
He laughed and agreed with me, then opted for science. He had me do a battery reset then drain it and run another battery report. Meanwhile, he did the same thing with a third vendor’s battery.
Remember I told you I was getting less than six hours of battery life? Well, the very sad news is it’s only 4.5 hours! The even sadder news is that for nearly half that time, I was either writing emails or wasn’t even using the laptop; it just sat idle. Yes, I had browsers up and programs on, but no work was actually being done, other than some typing.
I reported my homework to the tech, along with a separate table of times and percentages and what I was doing while the drain was happening.
He said he noticed a drop in performance a couple of weeks ago, where it went from 57000 to 55200. This was on the battery report, which looks like hieroglyphics to me. He also noted that it had been drained and recharged 41 times, but he didn’t know over what time period.
Meanwhile, his battery drained while it was connected to wi-fi and constantly streaming one of those NASA feeds, and it lasted 7.5 hours.
Before you get hopeful and/or excited, let’s not forget that 7.5 hours is still not a full work day!!
However, it’s nearly double what I’ve seen.
So he offered to order a new battery with a specific manufacturer but then he’d have to get in contact with corporate for them to schedule the tech to come back out. I told him the best way I could put it: I had every confidence in my home-tech’s ability to swap out a battery.
The problem, he said, was that there was no way for him to order ONLY the specific vendor’s battery. Because they’re all supposed to be the same, they’re all interchangeable, and therefore, he can’t specify one over another. Well, he can *specify* it, but if it’s not in stock, he can’t prevent them from sending a 
substitute.
The Fuck?! I told him THIS was the most frustrating part about dealing with this company for over two months… the inability to effectively communicate amongst departments!
I asked whether he had the option of writing “Do Not Substitute” on his order, but he said they wouldn’t look at it.
Not to fear, though, because this tech was creative in problem-solving, too! He suggested that the battery be sent to him, so he could verify it was the correct one before it was sent to me, and he APOLOGIZED that it would take an extra day or two. I told him I’d already given up on the battery, so whatever he could do was appreciated.
Of course, you know which battery came, right? NOT the one we wanted. He put in another order but also offered to send me the one he tested, so we could determine if the life was the same in mine. In addition, he wants me to return my battery so he can run the same tests.
Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? I am super happy with this plan… even though toymax and I aren’t sure there will actually be a difference. At least there’s renewed hope. And even though 7.5 hours isn’t a work day, it’s still more than what I’m seeing.
I had hoped to put closure on the Laptop Lamentation section with a happy note but it continues… and will hopefully be happily closed next time. 🙂
Send me your thoughts, anecdotes, commiserations. And don’t forget to read “Eli” book… 😀
Condolences to Multiperv, who lost his brother at the end of January. *huge hugs* my friend!
I get tons of questions from people asking for help getting started with BDSM or how to involve their significant others, etc. The first thing I always say, once you have that person on board, is you gotta COMMUNICATE!
Someone recently asked me the same thing, and I searched for my handy-dandy BDSM Checklist that I generally link people to… only this time, I couldn’t find it.
I wound up reviewing several before deciding to create my own. I will have it completed for the next newsletter and put it on the “Kinky Links” page.
It can be difficult to talk with a long-time lover about a change in the bedroom… let alone moving it to a dungeon. That’s where a checklist comes in handy, because it starts the conversation for you.
It’s designed for a “top” and “bottom” to learn more about each other. But the key information is to discover the other person’s hard limits and boundaries. They are not the same.
You may have seen some of my captioned smedia posts with “Let’s push some boundaries tonight”. Boundaries are areas which make your partner nervous. Proceeding with caution is mandatory, and boundaries are never to be crossed without trust. Also, it’s a good idea to warn your partner about your intentions before the scene begins.
Knowing what’s coming can reduce added stress at the time of play. Moreover, if your partner’s had an exceptionally bad day, has an upset stomach–or anything else–BEFORE the scene is a better time for him to let you know it’s not a good day for pushing boundaries.
[Of course, any play should come after a discussion, but if you have a long-term play partner and/or you are in tune with one another’s daily lives, this is usually not done… which is why it’s even more important to discuss pushing boundaries ahead of time.]
The other reason why that chat should occur before the scene is because once someone is submerged in sub space, he’s more apt to agree to things that he wouldn’t normally agree to.
There are times when the element of surprise is purposefully incorporated, and maybe that can be a boundary-pushing activity, but it should be only used with partners who know each other well.
Keep in mind, you want your partner to continue to play with you, so it’s best to ensure his experience is positively exhilarating.
Hard limits, on the other hand, are activities that are an absolute no, always. These are not pushable barriers. Stay away. Keep out. Do not enter. Danger!
Aside from finding the hard limits and boundaries, the checklist serves as an icebreaker. It includes a plethora of kink, some of which you may not have heard of… and you and your partner can search it together, discuss it, then determine whether you’d like to explore it in a session.
It will be a long form. Perhaps you’ll get frisky before you “cum” to the end of it. That’s fine; although I’d suggest not moving directly into BDSM play until you can discuss everything.
The goal is to have fun safely. Consider testing things before an actual scene. For example, whatever new 
toy you intend to incorporate, use it on yourself first. Say it’s a crop. Hit yourself in various places, clothed and naked, with different levels of force so you know what it feels like. Then do a couple of test hits on your partner, and watch for a difference in reaction.
People feel pain differently, and it’s good to know your partner’s threshold. Jeneca Avery, from “Mistress Managed”, created a pain scale test that she used with every new sub she played with. Adopt hers or come up with one of your own.
I’ll also point out that it’s important to do some aftercare. A BDSM scene is arousing but it can also be psychologically/emotionally draining, depending on the type of play. Take care of your partner, hug him, caress him, praise him.
Most importantly, once your partner comes down from everything, TALK again. It doesn’t have to be right after. Maybe it’s the next morning.
Start by saying how much you enjoyed playing, and ask for his thoughts. What did he like? What wasn’t so great? What does he want to try next?
Talking about it may seem awkward but the more communication you have, the more fun your sessions will be… and maybe more frequent, too!
Be kinky, be safe, and be observant!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading, and safe playing,
~B.J.
