Last month, subscribers got TWO bonus coupons. Make sure you don’t miss the next coupon or inside tidbit; subscribe today at the bottom of this page!
Need more incentive? Check out the “What’s B.J. Doing?” section below…
And now, here’s what YOU had to say about my last blog post.
toymax ~ Love Your blog posting. And not to forget: Thank You for the coupons. Congratulations on Your achieved goal, Miss B.J. Very well done! [You’re welcome, and thank you!]
On Audible: Wow – I couldn’t believe how much money Audible keeps to themselves. It made me sad because it’s really unfair. [*nods* We need to start a company to combat their unfair practices]
On the tidbit: I immediately smiled when I saw rubbug’s meme. He did a great job. It’s great and just fits perfectly. And the story behind the meme is so You 🙂
On the Trilogy Update: You know how to keep Your fans’ excitement at a high level. I’m sooo looking forward to reading it. [Easy to do since I’m so excited about this series!! I can’t wait for the feedback *grin*]
rubbug ~ Thank you for the shoutout. I think I’ve said it before, but I thoroughly enjoy being useful to you. You’re like, incredible, and I’m glad you thought of me for the meme task. ☺ [I appreciate you, rubbug!]
Multiperv asking that question had me thinking about it, too. Even though they are barefoot, I’m imagining Rachel and Melanie had long days and their feet were a bit stinky, much more preferable that way [You are free to imagine whatever you’d like :p]
Multiperv ~ I figured they were barefoot but it’s nice to make sure and to fill in the mental picture some more. I’ll just have to wonder about their toes, arches, pedicures, and accessories like anklets or toe rings or fill in my own responses. I think Rachel might be too pragmatic and single minded to worry about such things beyond basic hygiene.
Thinking about them a little more later I am somewhat troubled that Rachel so easily cheated on all of her previous partners. Even if she was figuring out her nature and inability to be monogamous it probably caused a lot of hurt to some mostly decent people but I’m glad she has realized her nature is being honest and upfront now and that it seems to have worked out well with Grant. though I somewhat wonder if he’s just accepted this about her more than actually embraced it. [I hear you. She was young, and she did learn. And Grant accepts it *because* they communicate, and he feels a part of things]
Nice tease about you and the urine reveal. That ought to bring some more to the yard, I mean, um, book club.
I do really like the meme from rubbug. Great choice.
So what happens when a dominant female is late to a meeting with her vanilla friend? Does the friend watch you spank or paddle yourself? Do you promise to punish someone else in your place later but to feel bad because you were the cause? [Such great questions, Mp! :p]
BorntoSuffer ~ I saw your celebration of the writing of the first of the Domcon trilogy… the way you are able to write so apparently effortlessly is truly amazing. [Thank you, B2S!]
cb-6000-lover sent me an adorable post in tumblfux recently that cracks me up every time I see it, so I had to share. Thank you, cb-6000-lover!
I’ve also gotten asked this question several times recently: I read your comments on the Creative Survey Results posts… do you really mean what you say? [in bdsmlr–NSFW] I do Creative Surveys every Tuesday and Friday (feel free to vote!). On the same days, I compile the results posts, where I will comment on voters’ intricate responses.
So, do I mean what I say? Lemme ask the question back to you–when have you EVER known me to hold back?? :p
Yes! I mean what I say. Some people have been voting for years, so I’ve come to know their kinks, and others I’ve become friends with and also know their kinks. Even if I don’t communicate with you outside of the surveys, the “My Comments” section is straight from my heart… sometimes circumvented through my snark, but always what I mean. 🙂
cb-6000-lover sent me an adorable post in tumblfux recently that cracks me up every time I see it, so I had to share. Thank you, cb-6000-lover!Tell me what you think about this post, and see your comments in the next one.
Eli – Book Two ~ The Corruption gets 5*s
I’m so geeked to tell you that Sally Bend has given the second book in the “Eli” series FIVE STARS in her latest review!
I’ve talked to so many of you who are leery about reading it because it’s classified as gay. First, I guaranfuckintee ya that the series will NOT turn you gay!
Second, though, it’s such an amazing story of dominance, submission, friendship, sexual awakening and exploration, and *heat* that it’s too good NOT to read.
Third–if #2 wasn’t enough–the readers who went kicking and screaming into the series have been pleasantly surprised.
Fourth… read the series because I’m telling you to, dammit! Start the series here.
Also, check out Sally’s review. She knows how to keep secrets while telling you what you need to know. Thanks, Sally!
Trilogy Update
I’ve talked about my writing process with a few people, and I joked about how you should see the spreadsheet I made and all my chicken scratches 
with arrows. So that led me to *actually* take pictures and show you.
But first… a little on the back side *grin*. When I first told my editor my idea for the trilogy, he said it was going to be too difficult to pull off. I was incorporating too many characters, and no one would be able to keep track, much less me! He suggested doing little vignettes by book so there’d be a happy, self-contained story for each.
Of course I said, no fuckin’ way, because the whole point of this series is to have my characters *interact*. Plus, I have three major plotlines that intersect all three books.
The background section was easy to write because I only dealt with one book at a time. And I scoffed at my editor from the comfort of my living room. But THEN, I got freaked out when I tried to piece it together because… well… there were too many fuckin’ characters!
That’s when I created the spreadsheet. I needed to visually see all of the characters to better be able to keep track of them. Then, I grouped them by storyline to make sure they were interacting when they needed to. While I was at it, I also tossed in some side plots with their grouped characters.
From there, I used a pen and notebook to jot down major events I wanted to hit, with a section to the side of who would be sponsoring which social. I bounced between books one and two, and then used arrows to put them in order.
By the time I went to outline the chapters, I had my laptop in front of me, my printed-off spreadsheet to the left, and my notebook on my right 😀
As for the actual update-update, I am on pace to be 25% into Book Two by the end of the week!
Speaking of “the trilogy”… gimme some suggestions for a REAL title
Just this week, I created the foundation for a brand new series. A series not like anything I’ve written before, and hopefully not one you’ve read, either. It will be an erotic soap opera, coming to you in installments, maybe weekly or bi-weekly.
The soap is called “The Dominion and the Sugilite”, and it takes place on a different planet several hundred years in the future where women rule, men labor, stones and jewelry are central, and sex is required to live.
Look for it soon… my newsletter subscribers will get a BIG treat. So if you’re not a subscriber, sign up today at the bottom of the page.
Subscribers: Sit tight 🙂
For the spiel on why I prefer you to buy my audiobooks from my website, check out this post.
My second audiobook is now for sale on Audible, “The Come Bet”.
If you’re a first-time Audible member AND your first downloaded book is mine, I get a bounty (see above link to learn more)… but you have to use these linksby country:
If you’re in the United States, please use this link.
For those of you in Brazil and UK, please use this link.
For those of you in France, please use this link.
For those of you in Germany, please use this link.
Again, I’ve decided to do this for readership. However, I much prefer you to purchase my audiobooks through my website.
I will be uploading more, so stay tuned!
You voted “The Lesson” as the next Book Club Book! Thanks for your votes.
We will discuss it on Saturday, November 4, 2023 at 4p, Eastern.
DM me to be included in the next Book Club:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
Green Tags?
While it *is* green season, it’s very difficult to be a Spartan. But they need our support, which is why you’ll still see green posts in my bdsmlr blog [NSFW]
People say, I’m tagging you on green posts but you’re not reblogging them; do you not like them? OMG, it has nothing to do with not liking them or shunning you or anything personal AT ALL. It has everything to do with a lack of time. I don’t have the time to go through 75+ posts every day, or even to view notifications.
Let’s face it, bdsmlr sucks ass for stability, reliability and any kind of predictive assurances, like, having notifications *work*, even if I had the time.
So how am I reposting any green posts? Because those people share the post with me in a DM. I can then click on it, add my caption (which, by the way, is NOT showing green even though I take the time to color it) and send it to the queue.
If you’re tagging me in tumblfux or bdsmlr, I’m not seeing it. Tumblfux recently changed their notification system, so I can no longer separate the “mentions” and “replies”. Please share the post with me in a DM.
It actually helps me queue, too, because I’ve got it easily accessible!
GO GREEN! GO WHITE!
The Big Game is October 21 when we play our biggest rival, U-M. Make sure I have plenty of GREEN posts that week!
What’re your plans for Halloween weekend (or close to it)? If you don’t have any, you should go to DomCon NOLA… and even if you have plans, cancel ‘em, and go to NOLA!
You can meet not only ME but Multiperv, Claire and another special guest 🙂 <–it’s a cute cliffhanger, no? Actually, I don’t know that I have permission to reveal the name here. Perhaps in next blog post I can do a big reveal *grin*
Seriously, though, New Orleans, Halloween, Kink, corner of Canal and Bourbon. Nothin’ better, baby!
DM me if you’re planning on going! I’d love to meet you and sign a book… or seven 😉
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
And feel free to buy me a drink!
Question: I’m about to do my first kink scene with my wife. She’s not completely on board with kink but she agreed to try. I chose some things I think she’ll like, which isn’t really hardcore kink or BDSM. But I’m still nervous because I know if it goes wrong, that’ll be the end of our kink exploration.
B.J.’s Answer: Congratulations on *communicating* enough to get to this point! But the communication part is far from over. It’s even more important, once you do the scene, to talk about it after. What did she like? (the best place to start so you get positive feedback first, and get her thinking positively) What does she think could’ve been done differently? What would she like to try next?
That conversation will guide you into the next scene and keep kink alive.
During the scene, though, communication is also important, especially since it’ll be her first one. Check in with her. How do you feel? If you will blindfold her or bind her, announce it first. Let her hold the blindfold, the cuffs, etc. Seeing, feeling, smelling are all ways to ease the fear and acclimate to the scene. Once they’re on, ask if she can see. Have her focus on listening, and have her name three things she can hear. That way you can be a part of it, too, because you will listen for the same things.
With the cuffs, check to make sure they’re not too tight. Tell her ahead of time where you plan to move her limbs. These sentences are like warnings. Warnings are great to have when doing something new for the first time. If you plan on incorporating other toys, create your own warnings along the same lines.
As for your fear that it’s a one and done situation if you fuck up… you gotta get rid of that, because that’s just way too much pressure to put on yourself. Instead, embrace that fear. Hey, this is your *first* scene. There’s no way you’re NOT gonna fuck SOMEthing up. So tell her that. Own it.
You’re human. She knows that. And it may relieve her to know you’re scared as well, so that *she* doesn’t feel like such a newb. It won’t all be perfect… but the perfect thing that will come of it is that you’re exploring, together, in the save space that you have cultivated because you guys are connected.
So, have fun! Be kinky… and please share how the first scene went! 🙂
Sean’s Answer: The key to this is trust. You’re asking her to do something outside of her comfort zone. She needs to trust you, and that’s a conversation the two of you need to have. If she’s willing to do this because it’s something you want to try, that’s a good sign. Still, have the talk. Maybe talk about her assumptions of what “kink” is like or what it’s about.
There are a lot of tropes connected to kink that aren’t necessarily accurate. Some things that get publicity (whips and chains) aren’t as common as other things. Be specific about what it is you’re looking for, and I don’t mean talking about equipment and methods. BDSM kink is about the power exchange, primarily, and everything else is just props.
The better prepared you make her, the easier your first scene will go. Keep in mind that she’s nervous, too, because she (I hope) wants things to go well, and she doesn’t want to feel inadequate. She could be worried that if she doesn’t do it right that you’ll go somewhere else to get what you want. It’s a “high leverage” situation, to borrow a baseball metaphor. Both of you have something at risk. Acknowledge that, because it’s definitely going to be the elephant in the room.
Keep it fun, keep it playful, praise her to the skies, and gently guide her along the way without making her feel like she’s failed.
I’m missing some context here, so this next bit may be off target. If you’re asking her to dominate you, why not start with little things around the house? Nothing overtly sexual. Just her taking charge in areas that you may have been in charge of before. You asking her permission to do things that you’d normally just do. Perhaps addressing her as “Mistress” once she’s comfortable with some little things. Baby steps. Then work your way into the bedroom with it (or whatever room you choose).
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
Thanks for the great questions and comments!
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
