So Much to Share!
This one is going to take a while, and you’re not going to want to rush through it. So grab a snack, settle back and enjoy.
If you haven’t heard, I attended DomCon LA last week then stayed a coupla extra days with family. Because of that, I haven’t been present in smedia, so I hope no one felt abandoned. I’m still recovering and eager to get the review posts written but I promise to respond to everyone soon!
Eli Takes the Silver Medal!
The “Eli” series that I co-authored with Jessie Spectre won the Silver Medal at this year’s IPPY awards! Jessie and I are ecstatic, honored and humbled by this accolade… howeverrrr, we’ve been telling you guys for months now, that you HAVE to read the series.
Many of you have balked because it’s gay erotica and you’re not gay. But there’s so much more to the series than homosexuality. In fact, everyone who’s read it has commented on how good it is. It’s the story that captivates people and the power exchange element within the sexual encounters.
Don’t just take our word for it–here’s what readers have said about the first book in the series:
Sally Bend ~ There’s such a curious cast of characters and personalities here, with surprises to be found in each scene. You really get the sense that Frazier & Spectre have built a world around Eli, especially as we get hints as to the truth of his new job, his new romance, and his new friends.
toymax ~ B.J. Frazier and Jessie Spectre created something very hot. I loved to read this book and I can highly recommend it.
Michael ~ …I’m not drawn to gay erotica, but the story is so well written and engaging that it doesn’t really matter for me. If you want a good story with well written sex scenes then I’d recommend this series.
R ~ Eli is such a good book. The title character was incredibly relatable, shy, somewhat dorky young man coming into his own and figuring his life, and sexuality, out, I really felt a connection with him. . . . BJ Frazier and Jessie Spectre crafted a wonderfully, sexually charged story and I can’t wait to read more!
Stacie ~ The Seduction gives us the main characters and circumstances that open the door to a new and exciting world for Eli. . . . As the title suggest the story will seduce you to read more about Eli’s adventure as well as the many other well written books by BJ Frazier and Jesse Spectre.
Multiperv ~ I read this title so I could keep up with and participate in author B.J. Frazier’s monthly online book club. Being straight (well, 94%) I’m not sure I would have chosen this one of her many titles on my own but having read it I am glad I did and I’m now eagerly looking forward to getting to the other books in this series.
Thank you to all of the readers who have left reviews. Remember, it’s important to leave reviews, rating AND like other people’s reviews.
P.S.: Reading this series will *not* make you gay… but it may just make you envious :p
Shoutout to Book Club (more below), where “Eli Book Two ~ The Corruption” will be discussed at the end of the month, and Jessie will be present again!
“The Dominion and the Sugilite ~ Episode 6” awaits you! 
B.J. Frazier’s Fantasy/Sci-Fi Erotic Soap Opera with a Femdom slant continues! Make sure to read this amazing series in order.
Which two women attack each other?
What is Obadiah’s prayer?
Do Neelam and Dayra get caught?
How does Geo’s investigation heat up?
These answers and more plus drama, sex and Nymphs are in between the pages of the next exciting episode of “The Dominion and the Sugilite”… with Episode 7 coming soon.
Haven’t started the series yet? You’re in luck because you have SIX episodes awaiting your self-pleasure. Start with the first episode this weekend!
Plus, it was released yesterday, and rubbug ran to download it, devoured it and has the elite status of penning the first review! Thank you, rubbug!
Here’s what you had to say after the last blog post.
rubbug ~ Yeah, Thomas’ pronunciation just ain’t right. Not surprised you are right with that one. Also, that Clem pronunciation was shorter than I thought, I read it as she dragged it out. But it’s great to hear your voice in any context. [Vote ONE for meee! 😀 Clem can drag it out but, since she says it often, it is usually short like that. Perhaps you can find me another sample sentence that I can drawl longer for you next time]
Congrats on episode 5, which is awesome and I really enjoyed it. Glad Gaius wasn’t in this one, but it’s cool to see his render met your criteria. [You will come to like Gaius yet, rb!! And many thanks on all of the renderings for the D/s covers]
The dogs look like they appreciate their new toys, but now I want brownies, too. [Did you get some?]
otkfme3 ~ Thanks for the mentions. Many males will now know me better. [*grin*]
Multiperv ~ Not kissing up, I totally agree that sauna is pronounced your way, saw-na, but then I’m a southern boy. But I’ve also lived in 3 other states and as far as I know that’s the way everyone in the U.S. says it. I have never heard anyone pronounce it his way, sow-na, and did not know that was even an alternative. [TWO votes for me!]
Thanks for the pronunciation demo of Bernard as well though I was personally hoping to hear that drawn out version. Maybe some other time. [Send me some passages, and I’ll see if Clem would say it the long way or the short way :)]
The doggos are indeed adorable. Does only one brownie piece come out? If so I hope they’re not stressing or fighting over it. [Thank you. Yes, sadly, I thought the whole pan was full of brownies but only one comes out. As it is, there are two toys… but Orbit wants whatever Ledge is playing with]
Congrats to otkfme3, he has a level of kink experience and memories many only dream of. [True; I’m glad he shared with us]
Jessie Spectre ~ Interesting that there’s a DomCon but not a subcon. If there was, you could drive around on a little agricultural vehicle. It would be the subcontractor… [Yes, Jessie’s humor causes one to shake her head at times but also smile. One of the many reasons I love working with him!]
Kleinschwanzcucky ~ Sauna is pronounced the Norwegian way in Germany, too, I think in quite a few European countries. 😀 Have a nice weekend and Memorial Day, Miss! [Thank you, KC. I don’t have a problem with that, but here in the U.S., Thomas is *wrong* :D]
LeftField ~ After reading your recent blog posts on bots, I was going to tell you that it’s been 4-5 months since I got a DM from a bot. I decided against doing so as that would probably be bad karma. Well, I guess the thought was enough to prompt someone to send me a DM. The DM text was better than most – “Hey, have you found who or what you’re looking for.” (Never mind that’s a question.) I’m going to report it to the admins. Well, that was quick. They’ve been banned. I assume someone else had reported them. [It needs to be a community effort to report. Another huge thank you to bdsmlr for their speed with banning bots]
toymax ~ To the “sauna” dispute: I like the “How do you say that?” parts in Your blog postings, Mistress. I had to put some thought into making my comment seem acceptable to you and hopefully succeeded. I’m from Europe and in Germany we say it the same way like Thomas Antonson. Sorry, Mistress B.J. [I completely understand, and thank you for successfully making your comment acceptable, Max… because, over here, I’m still right *grin*]
You created something addictive with Your D/s soap opera, Mistress B.J. It’s always great fun to dive into this seductively hot world. And rubbug is a powerful wizard who knows how to handle the AI – chapeau. [I’m tickled you enjoy it, Max… and yes, I couldn’t do the covers without rb!]
There’s absolutely no doubt that Your four-legged boys are adorable. They seem very proud of their new toys. I was always asking myself what type of purple flowers You might have in Your garden. Thanks for showing, Mistress B.J. They look fantastic. I have never doubted whether you really like the purple flowers I send you, but this picture confirms it in a very beautiful way. [Thank you and you’re welcome; however, I have no garden because when plants see me, they commit suicide. I am in much need of you and sep to tend my garden :D]
cb-6000-lover ~ Looking forward to reading your report on LA DomCon (and to hear how Claire fared!) [Looking forward to reading your feedback, cb! :p]
Send me your comments, and I’ll put them in the next blog post!
DomCon L.A. 2024 First Review
Getting There
I went to see Hozier the night before, which was when Industry Only classes were happening, and I sadly missed Goddess Phoenix’s Collaring Ceremony–however, sizeerrorprojection (sep) and Multiperv (MP) were in attendance and supplied write-ups. If you’d like to read more about Goddess Phoenix, see my DomCon NOLA 2022 reviews.
Anyway, I slept at Claire’s the night before. She had us out the door in more than enough time to catch our plane… were it not for massive construction which caused a dead stop on the highway. We watched the minutes pass, checked online updates and looked longingly at the exit.
Claire didn’t know where the exit went, and it was a detoured exit. Just when we were about to take it, we started to move. However, we only crawled two car lengths. So I said we gotta take the exit and hope the robots reroute us appropriately.
They did! We bypassed traffic–which we saw was compromised of every semi truck in the state of Michigan! I shouted out the time when Claire had shaved minutes off our ETA, which I thought was like cheering and being super helpful but, when she told the story, she said it added to her anxiety.
We were doing well on time when Claire announced a little problem that arose from drinking more than a bottle of water plus the stress of not making the plane. When she could handle it no more, she pulled over, apologizing profusely. She came around to my window, and I handed her napkins, but she opened the *back* door. I thought she had lost her mind but she told me it was for “privacy”.
Despite the unscheduled stop, we arrived at the parking area in good time, AND they accommodated our tight schedule by dedicating a bus solely to us, and whisked us to the airport.
We arrived at our gate with 120 seconds to breathe before we were called to board. Also, bonus, we were upgraded to Comfort +, so we were served first, which was wonderful because we didn’t have time to get breakfast and snacks for the flight.
After that, things went like clockwork.
Going Home
I’ve expressed in previous DomCon reviews how I felt when I arrive on the scene (search my blog post archives around June and November for previous reviews), and this time it felt like I was returning home.
My brother picked us up from the airport with my inventory already in the car, and drove us to the Hilton, where sep was waiting for us in the loading area. I had previously instructed him to know how to get to the vending area and to show up with a cart. When I texted him we were close, he said he was there but didn’t have a cart. I responded–NOT acceptable! Get a cart! To his credit–and I have no idea how–but sep was waiting with an industrial cart 😀
Claire, sep and I had way more inventory than normal but the setup was the fastest ever! Here’s what my booth looked like… note the sticker on “Eli” for taking the Silver Medal at the IPPY awards! Also, the flash erased my DomCon award from NOLA, but that’s proudly displayed in the center.
I’ll add in here that we had problems with the banner all weekend. I won’t let anyone set it up but me because it’s very finicky. But I got it up (stop it), and it looks beautiful, as you can see. However, people kept bumping into it and knocking it over or walking quickly past creating a breeze that knocked it over.
And all weekend, I kept saying, why is this happening when it’s never been this unsteady before? Thanks to sep for rigging some kind of weighted base or it would’ve been more down than up.
Even Jabber, as he walked by when it was falling, inquired whether I had a base for it or not. I made some comment about how, after being erect at so many conventions, it’s having a hard time keeping itself up.
But then I want to say on Sunday, the last day, sep was refiguring the weighted base again when he said, what’s this? Look what I found!
Well, I’m shaking my head to admit that I had completely forgotten that the banner has feet that are foldable! I forgot to unfold them to provide stability!
After that, it was more up than down… although people still tried their hardest to get it horizontal.
Once the booth was ready, we went to register and get badges, where I saw Goddess Manku! I met her at Goddess Phoenix and Domina Dahlia’s Goddess Weekend Retreat last August.
She said she was reading my blog post about that weekend to reminisce and prepare for DomCon. *love*
In fact, there was a mini Goddess Retreat reunion at DomCon, where I saw Goddess Phoenix, Domina Dahlia, Mistress Olivia, Mistress Nicolette, and one of the subs… and of course, Goddess Phoenix’s slave Joe. More later.
Booth Boy sep
MP was involved in some kink of his own this convention, so sep was left with the responsibility of being my only booth boy. And boy, did he kick ass!
From selecting the Airbnb, restaurants and wine accompaniment to attending classes and doing write-ups to manning the booth and handling overflow customers, sep was THE MAN!
Knowing all about MP’s “I’ve got that” backpack, sep borrowed a friend’s backpack so he was assured of having everything we needed.
Sep also took care of us at “home”, making breakfast every morning and planned on making lunch every day. Time kinda got away from us a few times but he shifted gears to order us healthy salads so we could concentrate on selling.
He even brought the best lotion and gave foot massages, which were heavenly after being in heels–I have no idea how the pros walk in ridiculously high heels as if they were fuzzy slippers.
In fact, sep spoiled us so much that it’s difficult to be home and have to fend for myself!
To sep: I am so grateful to have had you in service this DomCon weekend. You went above and beyond, and I thank you tons. *HUGS*
Thursday Night
Leaving the hotel, sep led us to the *purple* level of the parking garage, so he even took care to park on the most appropriate level *grin* Let me take an aside here to also herald sep’s driving genius. There was a tiny spot on the perimeter of one of the levels that sep had passed, then decided to take it.
This is one of those “you had to be there to appreciate” stories… but I’m going to try anyway. It was a tight squeeze at best, and clearly a rock in, scoot up, readjust, maneuver again–at least five times–for Claire and I. But sep backed in like his car was a hot knife gliding into a stick of butter.
Claire and I held our breath in disbelief and actually applauded when he “stuck the landing” in ONE, fluid motion! It was truly a feat of art, and I wish everyone could’ve been there to witness it.
Of course, sep poo-poo’d our praise… and I had to explain that girls can’t reverse. 🙂
We ate at Toyo Sushi, which was stupendous! A surprise gem in the middle of a strip mall, we marveled at the service and yummy food.
After dinner we took a walk on the pier at Hermosa Beach, and sep pointed out some of his own stomping grounds and bike routes. It was one of those moments in time I suspect we will remember, because it was walking that pier that Claire received a text from her sister that said, “Guilty on all 34 counts!”
Once we had our fill of the ocean, it was time to take Claire back home and get ready for the Red Carpet Social and Opening Ceremony.
Red Carpet Social
It was Goddess Phoenix’s last Red Carpet Social hosting, and of course it was spectacular! She brought in a chariot and used two slaves to pull it. The reins were lit. The video I have is her giving instructions but, when she actually rode out, Mistress Cyan was shotgun.
Goddess Phoenix took over the Red Carpet with her subs, took pictures with people, and handed out red tassels. I had walked sep to the end of the line with the best view, and she gave me a hug and handed me two tassels. Immediately, I handed them to sep and bared my ear. He knew to attach them to my earrings.
When Goddess Phoenix looked again, I showed her, and she laughed… then commented on the many uses of the tassels, as she twirled them against her breasts. 😀
Opening Ceremony
We sat behind Master “Reverend” Gear (whom I met last year and who you will meet up close and personal in a later review post) and a whole row of people from Utah who had amazing energy. You *might* get to meet them later. I tried to interview them but ran out of time, so we might do something in cyberspace.
Mistress Precious and Mistress Melissa hosted the Opening Ceremony. Before I got to DomCon this year, I said, I’ve gotta get an interview with Mistress Precious–*tease alert*–I did, and I can’t wait to share her with you later!
Mistress Cyan introduced DomCon, passed out awards and also arranged for entertainment this year. There was an exotic dancer with fans, a ventriloquist singer in Drag, and some stand-up comedy with the Reverend. If you’d like to read more about Mistress Cyan, check out my interview from my DomCon NOLA 2022 blog.
Also, for the first time ever, Mistress Cyan decided to create her own BDSM Hall of Fame. Amongst this year’s first batch of inductees were the Reverend and Mistress Mia!
See my past DomCon NOLA reviews from 2022 for her in-depth interview. Mistress Mia was shocked to receive the award. She was wearing an outfit she handmade and looking great as always. She’s gregarious, witty, knows how to play to an audience; and yet, she was speechless.
I talked with Mistress Mia the next day to find out whether she knew or not, because she’s on the DomCon Board. She assured me that secrets don’t exist in that realm but no one told her. It’s possible Mistress Cyan only revealed her secret at the Opening Ceremony. But even 18 hours later, Mistress Mia was still surprised.
Equally surprised was Master “Reverend” Gear, sitting in front of me. He also told me in a later interview (coming in another review post) that he had no idea about the Hall of Fame or his induction. It was cool to see people I know get so highly honored and recognized.
A Non-Sequitur
Each drive to and from the Airbnb, we passed a store called Circus Liquor. It struck me so funny because those two words just
don’t fit together. Claire, sep and I had fun coming up with how they could advertise it or what they actually sold there.
I thought they just keep bringing you bottles of booze a lá clowns getting out of a small car. Claire thought they keep pouring the liquor. Sep said the bottles were part of a juggling act… and you had to buy three bottles at a time.
We had fun with it, and our humor may or may not be the result of a severe lack of sleep, but I took a picture anyway to memorialize our drive times. 🙂
Book Presentations
Last year DomCon LA had its 20th anniversary, and I published my 50th book. I asked Mistress Cyan whether she would allow me to use DomCon LA as the meeting place for many of my characters, and she readily agreed. Thus, the “This is Knot DomCon” trilogy was born.
There is a note about Mistress Cyan with a link to her website in each book, and an afterword at the end. She even makes several appearances throughout the series.
I had the honor of presenting Mistress Cyan with the printed version, which contains all three books (exclusively available at conventions). And I remembered to get a picture. So here is Mistress Cyan with “This is Knot DomCon ~ The Trilogy”.
Another huge thank you to Mistress Cyan for creating such an awesome atmosphere where people of various kink backgrounds can merge, learn from one another, and be kinky together. There is no other place where my characters could converge!
This past weekend was also Goddess Phoenix’s birthday. What do you give a Goddess who has everything at the snap of her fingers? Well, I knew one thing she didn’t have that she wanted.
When I first met her at DomCon NOLA 2022, we had an instant connection. The more she spoke, the more I got goosebumps because she epitomized the very essence of my latest character at the time: Holly Hellig from “A Domme for Christmas”. When I described Holly to Goddess Phoenix, *she* got chills!
Since then, she has asked me if I printed that book. So, I printed it for her birthday, and she now has the sole hardcopy of “A Domme for Christmas” with a specially inscribed Author’s Note section.
I got to present it to her on her birthday (and I’m pretty sure I was the first to wish her a happy birthday, after she finished a scene at the Play Party Friday night… more on that later). Since she was in my booth in the vending area, she graciously posed with the book in front of my banner! How cool is that?!
Classes
What is a House Anyway? by Master “Reverend” Gear
Master Gear opened the forum by asking if anyone needed ASL, signing the question. That indicated, in yet another way, that people within the kink community are aware, compassionate and concerned with others on a deeper level.
I met the Reverend last year at DomCon LA and was excited to take their class–and also because I didn’t understand House dynamics.
The Reverend’s interview will be in a future review post but, by way of background, they are nonbinary, pansexual, a switch or, as they like to say… a slut! They have been part of the BDSM scene in LA, Orange County and, now, Northern Utah for about 15 years. They began as a submissive to Master Gabriel in LA (interview below), and received their master’s cover at DomCon LA in 2019.
The Reverend began with some FAQs:
So you all live together?
Normally, it’s not the case but they’ve known people to all come together in one house.
So you are sleeping together?
The Reverend says it could be the case, especially if a household is run more like a harem. But it’s more of a group of like-minded people who come together for a common goal and/or purpose, in a kinky lifestyle.
So is this a gang?
The Reverend quickly answered jokingly: “Yes, we’re a gang of kinksters, and we’re gonna fuck you up.”
Is this a Harry Potter thing?
They smile and shake their head. The Reverend was formerly in the House of Ravynblood with Master Gabriel. Since moving to Utah, they formed the House of Gear.
Quick History of Households
Post WW2 spawned the leather lifestyle that we know today. Biker groups. Bar titles. They used to be called leather families, brothers, families, tribes… and the normal term used today is “household”.
Modern day household have different titles and purposes.
“Protective” households. This is a group of individuals who do safe calls or vetting. Basically, they make sure that you’re not going to have your friend go off with a known predator. Likewise, if someone seems good but it’s your first time playing, they’re your back-up. If you don’t hear from me in an hour, call the police; here’s the address.
Obviously, the safe call is for a trusted individual. So protective households can be online only, in person, in a household, a roommate, or a bunch of kinksters working together.
The Reverend used the term “sounding” once to a co-worker in a joke. When the co-worker didn’t laugh, they asked why, and he said, how do you know about sounding? That led to a protective household with both of their girlfriends.
Tribes. These groups travel all over the place without a permanent place. Think vendors. A vendor can fly to Vegas and meet up with another house member while a third one from Texas flies out for the same convention. Tribes are people not living in the same state and/or country.
There are multiple definitions of the word tribe.
Harem. This term is falling to the wayside, along with reverse-harem for female centered, because it’s not culturally sensitive and very outdated. It also has a bad rap because of literature being used as a blueprint.
Traditionally, though, a harem is a masculine household of many subs, slaves or sexual partners. Essentially, one person of one gender ruling over many of another. It’s normally sexual in nature–mono or poly–but doesn’t have to be.
“Working” households. Members can be a part of an organization. It can be a dungeon, a community outreach group, or an educational group. This type of tribe is not necessarily sexual; instead, they’re working together toward a common goal.
It’s similar to vendor or business-operated household. The members are people who want to be involved in learning and/or working on a particular craft or learn from the person who owns that house.
The Reverend wanted to learn about leather and violet wands, so they met Master Gabriel. They said I have sales experience and could help sell his wares if he teaches them about leather. Many years later, when they both had partners, they created House of Ravynblood under Master Gabriel.
“Familial households” – leather, poly, low dynamic, low protocol, go with the flow. There is usually a mommy or daddy type that runs household. There’s not much structure; rather, it’s more of a chosen family. The members may play together or not but they come together with a common goal of having the camaraderie.
Patriarchy/matriarchy/monarchy. This household could be a single-led organization. It could be a sir, madame or monarchy with a couple at the head. Generally, though, it has a single leader with an alpha sub (butler, first officer, hand of the king).
Ready to start your own?
Where do you start? With friends. Also, find an example house or houses, do research, and then cherry-pick what works from all sources. Essentially, take what you like and make it your own.
Every house should have a house book. The book is a guide that outlines what the leader can and cannot do. Things can go wrong quickly. For example, if you grow too fast, it will probably crash. It’s important to follow your protocols and not let someone take over.
Why do you want to start a house? What will its purpose be? There must be a purpose, and every member should know and accept it before joining.
Their house is called a circus, and its members are their monkeys. The Reverend doesn’t seek automatons or yes-people. Their house members voice opinions because they like input.
The House of Gear focuses on community, education, self–self-improvement and self-care. Spread the word and help when you can. There’s not a lot of education out there besides the spoken word. So help to spread by retweeting. Learn everything you can and spread it to everyone.
Master Gear expects their members to go to three classes a quarter and report the learning to the group, either through a written or oral presentation.
The house book should spell out dynamics. Is the house 24/7 high protocol? Familial with low protocol? Otherwise sexually active? What power does the head of house have over its members? Master Gear doesn’t tell his members who to date, who to vote for, what church to go to, what cookie to eat, etc.
The house book also contains more esoteric things, like rules for a member to exit the house. Is there a way to put your membership on hold while you figure out the lifestyle?
If the head of household passes away, what happens to the house? Does it simply end? Or does it pass on to another member? Is there a ceremony? For the Reverend, he wants it left to others to carry on with what they’ve learned and change it into something new.
How do you join a household? First, it depends on the household. Second, you should have some awareness of the household before you attempt to join it.
Master Gear expects someone to give him a written letter of intent. New people would say, I like what you’re doing, and they’d hand them the house book.
They talked about the Rolling Stones’ contract they sent to their venues. Buried in all of the wording was the demand, “we want a martini glass filled with brown M&Ms.” If they got to their room and found a martini glass filled with brown M&Ms, it meant they’d read the contract and the Stones would go back.
If there was a glass filled with multi-colored M&Ms, the place had half-assed it. If there no glass and no M&Ms, they didn’t read contract… and the Stones wouldn’t go back. So Master Gear looks for the brown M&Ms.
How do you find a household? Start with your local community, go to munches, join FetLife. See what’s out there. Take your time, get involved, see if it’s right for you. Then you can move to the next step.
What, When and Why: A 2024 Collaring Ceremony by Goddess Phoenix
Sep’s perspective:
Just to clarify, there was not a live collaring ceremony in class. There was a video of a re-collaring ceremony of one of Goddess Phoenix’s slaves. She has been served by two long-time submissives, Joe and an anonymous submissive whom she described as her bodyguard. I learned later that his title is The Black Knight.
Goddess Phoenix began class by emphasizing the ritual and sacredness of collaring. She showed examples of invitations she had created to invite dommes and their submissives to the ceremony. There was a video demonstrating the formality, honor, and importance of collaring a submissive. At the ceremony, there was a master of ceremonies, a witness, and several close friends.
The slave was being re-collared on the 10th anniversary of his first collaring. He was naked and all the women present were clothed. After the introductions and explanation by the MC, the sub came forward and knelt for his collaring. The witness for the ceremony was Goddess Samantha.
Goddess Phoenix explained that collaring is not to be taken lightly and should only be entertained with a submissive whom you’ve taken the time to understand the good, the bad, and the ugly of his personality and behaviors. There should be a strong connection between the domme and sub. That kind of connection takes years to develop. Co-collaring also requires a clear understanding between the sub and dommes as well as the two dommes to be sure no conflict arises. The dommes should also know each other very well.
Goddess Phoenix showed Joe’s everyday collar that he chose for himself. It is a steel cable ring with her emblem. She showed his heavy leather collar with a Property of Goddess Phoenix badge front and center that he wears at events, dungeon play, and BDSM sessions.
Both submissives spoke of their love and gratitude to Goddess Phoenix. The Black Knight felt she had saved his life as he had been contemplating suicide when he met her, and she gave him purpose. The love between Joe and Goddess Phoenix is very apparent. He has been her alpha submissive for over 10 years. I spoke with Joe at length after the class, and he had nothing but praise for Goddess Phoenix. He told me about the very first time he had sessioned with her and how she had taken a single-tail whip to him. He never looked back, and he has been hers ever since.
MP’s perspective:
A domme should not collar someone lightly, or just jump into it. Collaring is essentially a BDSM marriage, so a domme should know her sub very well before offering a permanent collar. For Goddess Phoenix, the process takes several years, not a week or two as is sometimes seen online or rushed into by newbies.
I believe she said the order of escalation–with the slave wearing a different style of collar at each stage–in a long-term relationship is:
Consideration
Training
Permanent/Full Ownership
Goddess Phoenix talked and showed examples of some collars and referred to them as ‘eternity collars’ representing permanent/full ownership. She also discussed and showed more subtle ‘day collars’ that one could wear at vanilla, family or other functions in public or at work without causing ruffled feathers and potentially risking relationships, social standing, jobs, or careers.
At the end of class, Goddess Phoenix took questions. Some questions indicated the person was pretty new to the scene and were possibly looking at professional domination as a career rather than as a passion. I’m not sure one could ever be as good of a dominant if one is just providing a service. Then again, perhaps that way also helps one to focus more fully on the customers’ needs and experience.
Thank you to sep and MP for attending this class in my absence and reporting so well!
BDSM Bloopers, Blunders and Disasters by Jay Wiseman
MP’s perspective:
I already knew Jay as the author of “SM 101: A Realistic Introduction”, which he said one or more reporting service has said is the best selling introduction to BDSM book ever. He also published 12 other nonfiction books – yes, B.J., he’s a slowpoke considering he has been at it much longer – including four about BDSM.
Jay was also one of the founders of Greenery Press, a publishing house for BDSM and polyamory books. The company is now under the control of a former partner.
Among other things, Jay was an EMT for many years, and is a qualified expert witness and has testified, on both sides, in multiple trials involving BDSM.
The term BDSM came about in the ‘90s in the early days of the internet. Before that, it was just called SM or kinky/rough sex. I’m old enough to remember but I don’t recall when I first heard the term. I was surprised to learn it because I thought it had been around since gay sailors climbed out of dive bars after a night of bondage and sex in the ‘50s or ‘60s.
I will relay one of Jay’s best oops stories from the ‘70s. There was a lady who wanted to experiment for herself as well as for an academic paper. Back then ladies did not “landscape”. Jay began with basic things and, when he didn’t get a reaction, went further. Eventually, he had several binder clips on delicate parts of her and did impact play; again, with little apparent effect. After a while, she politely said the clamps were starting to bother her. He said, “Since you’re new I’ll be nice and remove them.”
After he removed them, he had her kneel and hold position while he put toys away or talked to her. The only reaction she gave was a small frown. He checked in, and she said she was fine for the most part, except for the binder clip on her clitoris. Due to the bush and similar color of the clips, he had accidentally missed it.
Moral: Always make sure you have the same number of toys that you started with.
Jay told another story about a gagged sub suspended over a canopy bed. From that vantage point, the sub could see that the canopy was too close to lit candles and was in danger of catching fire. Luckily, the sub was able to get the dom’s attention and avoided a disaster.
An audience member explained the cheap shears he had bought weren’t sharp enough to cut through a knot during rope bondage, taking 20 minutes for him to undo it. It wasn’t an emergency, but a good lesson to test shears on rope before a scene begins. Jay said he was the first to recommend that kinksters use EMT shears.
There are more than 30 stories of tops causing serious injury while using a knife to try to free someone, whereas he has zero stories of injuries caused by using EMT shears. Time to order some? I just ordered what seem to be good quality ones on Amazon, 2 pair for less than $10 USD.
A lighter story was a new sub who handed a whip to a top and to beat him as hard as they wanted, and then smirked. The sub then got beaten HARD. Moral: Be careful about smirking or challenging a top unless you’re a brat and/or a masochist.
Jay asked if we could guess the number one cause of death related to BDSM. It’s being put in restrictive bondage and then left alone.
Jay said there are three levels of monitoring:
1. Tightly – the top is in the room with the bound sub(s).
2. Loosely – maybe stepping out very briefly or monitoring on a video feed.
3. Unmonitored.
He said if people didn’t tie and leave alone, we would literally save lives.
The final story involved a master who ordered his male slave to put his erection into a chicken. Don’t worry, the chicken was dead and presumably skinned but it was frozen. So the sub’s precum sealed his cock inside the chicken despite trying things like warm water towels, pee (not sure if it was the top’s or the sub’s). He was finally freed by a warm water douche, presumably for the chicken. Moral: Defrost your chicken before fucking.
Thank you, MP! This was the first class on the first day of vending, and I needed to be in the booth. Sep also attended this class, so his perspective will be in a future review.
Interview with Master Gabriel
I first met Master Gabriel at DomCon LA in 2023. We had passed each other many times in the vending area, and we always had something snarky to joke about. Then, I lost my glasses and asked him to make an announcement, for Master Gabriel is The Voice of DomCon LA and NOLA (and Atlanta beforehand). …turns out they weren’t lost just misplaced, and I had to sheepishly admit that.
There was no time last year for an interview. But after attending Master Gear’s class on What’s a House and hearing the connection to Master Gabriel, I made it a priority.
Master Gabriel is a tall and foreboding presence in his leather attire, hat and no-nonsense gait. His smile is usually reserved but, 
when it appears, it lights up his entire face and makes his eyes twinkle. I have his permission to show you his picture, which was taken by the DomCon Photographer Julia.
When did he first know he was kinky? Around 17 or 18, and he blames his then-girlfriend, because she wanted to experience caning. Master Gabriel was into archery at the time. So he took a bow without the tip, because he knew the carbon fiber would be strong enough to withstand impact play.
He was a Scout and had learned leather work and crafting, so he began to think, what do I have on hand?
Today, we talk about “start low, go slow” or “slugs”. He instinctively started with that. He’d do a tap-tap-tap then ask, “how does that feel?” Once he got the hang of it, he pushed things, encouraging her to go a little harder.
Master Gabriel became a master leather craftsman and, up until last year, was a vendor at DomCon.
Because he was making vampire cuffs, a friend of his took him to Sanctuary to meet Mistress Cyan. It was his first experience at a dungeon. And it was only to talk about a possible business relationship. However, Master Gabriel asked her what it took to earn a master’s cover… and the next thing he knew, she was mentoring him.
I asked Master Gabriel if he was a switch, knowing most people who train under others do so as a sub first. His answer, though, was a serious and emphatic–though quiet-spoken–*no*. Mistress Cyan never had him go down the sub route because she understood his dominance. Plus, even though it was his first trip to a dungeon, Master Gabriel had a lot of experience.
He says they’ve always had a really good relationship, and it’s been easy-going. They are on a first-name basis when in private.
His wife is his slave Star, who was the first person to ask him what his needs were. They’ve been together for 10 years; three years married.
When asked about how he is when he’s in a scene, Master Gabriel first said that it can’t all be serious. He and his wife have been playing for so long, she knows when she can move, when she can giggle; and he equally knows her pain reaction/process. He says a scene is supposed to be fun; it’s play.
He said, “I get focused but not angry or mad or grr. I use the strengths that I have.” He also admitted that he has issues with his knees, so he’s got to shift more to use other body parts.
His son is aware and has always known of the lifestyle. Master Gabriel didn’t hide anything and everything was always age appropriate. There is no dungeon in his house, but admits there are some areas that can be repurposed. Everyone who needs to know in his family knows.
In his House of Ravynblood, everyone has his own home, and everyone has 9-5 jobs. As for a household, everything is a process. To become a member, he requires a written petition, which forces you to think about what you’re putting down and makes it more of a commitment. That’s the first mode, and most don’t make it to that.
After that, you become a pupil. There’s a three-to-four-month time period to test things; nothing too serious. You will be paired with a mentor depending on where you fall on the submissive spectrum. Some members are switches and slaves, and he allows for other doms. All of the members are equal except for the head of household.
Then you learn standards; everything from first aid to basics, how things are built, how to do a scene, and negotiations. Once you get past that with your mentor, Master Gabriel will do a one-on-one and assessment. Pass that, and you’re a full house member and get house cuffs.
Newbs, according to Master Gabriel, will either do one of two things: burn out or make mistakes and be humble and learn. He alluded to Master Gear’s start, which I will cover in a later review post featuring Master Gear’s interview.
Of brats, Master Gabriel said, “There are a slight few brats that I tolerate.” He added that most doms don’t like them but he loves to brat other people and send them to others. [Mistress Mia said the same thing in her 2022 DomCon NOLA interview with me]
Master Gabriel said if it’s someone he knows, he’ll give them a reminder or a nudge. He said, “This is not going in the direction you want it to go.” If the sub does not correct the behavior, Master Gabriel will end the scene.
Master Gabriel’s advice to first-timers is that DomCon is a great place to start. It can be a bit overwhelming but it’s also a place where there are a ton of classes, socials, toys, and different things that kinksters have created.
If you’d like to know more about Master Gabriel, he is on FetLife as @ravynblood
To Master Gabriel: Thank you for speaking with me. I enjoyed getting to know you more, and you have my utmost of respect.
Shoutouts
Ever present, ever busy and ever competent was Miss Wet, who recognized sep before I got there and took care of him. She is an awesome person who got morning hugs from me and energy boosts throughout the long days. In fact, Miss Wet, I need to interview you in NOLA this year!
Mistress Kathy was back and crazy-busy volunteering as well. She fell and didn’t let it stop her. I hope you’re resting and feeling better!
My next-door booth buddy was April from Whipping Stripes–I first met her at DomCon NOLA 2022 (see review blog). She had a quick smile, and I also gave her morning hugs every day.
Trent and Jessica from The Kink Shop were back and close by. We got to chat about the rigorous schedule they had on the vending road. Their interview was from DomCon NOLA 2023 (see review blog).
Quick waves to people I spoke to again: Mistress Liz, Kendra James and Priestess Francesca (see review blogs from DomCon NOLA 2023 and DomCon LA 2023)
I met new vendors, like Charles and Courtney from Erotic Enigmas, who make jigsaw puzzles from erotic scenes. Hopefully, there’s more to come with that!
And huge waves to the many people I spoke with–new readers and old–at my booth. A couple of cute quips coming in future review posts. It was wonderful to meet you all. And a reminder that your Coupon Code for the books you purchased expires July 5th. So make sure you download today!
Preview of Things to Come
Aliotta’s
Customer Quips
Sep’s leaving the booth
Play Party
Hilton’s new General Manager
Classes:
Violet Wand – I Do What with Electricity?
Legends Panel
BDSM Bloopers, Blunders and Disasters
Scent Play
Social Media and More for Beginners
Practical Protocols, Power Exchange and D/s for the Rest of Us
Improv for Kinky People
Humiliation and Degradation: Shaming the One(s) You Love
Sex and the Corset
Getting in Their Head – Mental Play
Dragonback Your Bottom
Smothering and Ass Domination
Interviews:
Master “Reverend” Gear
Madam Serpent and Solar
Mistress Precious
And more!
As always, I love hearing from you after all my blog posts but especially after DomCon. So DM me with your thoughts, and I’ll include them in the next Community Kink Chat!
B.J.’s Online Book Club
When I told Jessie that Eli – Book Two ~ The Corruption was voted as the next Book Club book, he said, “I feel very fortunate that 
they picked Eli 2, given how wonderful all your other books are.”
That means, yes, Jessie Spectre will be at the next Book Club, so you get to ask both authors about the writing process, the story or voice any comments you have. You also have the opportunity to ask questions directly of the characters, and Jessie and I will respond like they would.
The next Online Book Club: Saturday, June 29, 2024 at 4:00 p.m., Eastern.
DM me to be included in the next Book Club:
bdsmlr ~ Not Safe for Work
Tumblr ~ Questionably Safe for Work
Twitter ~ Safe for Work
TwitterNSFW ~ Not Safe for Work
FetLife ~ Safe for Work
Right Here ~ Safe for Work
BDSM Checklists
Check out my FREE BDSM Checklists.
I created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
And feel free to buy me a drink!
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
For other kinky advice, check my blog archives.
Happy reading,
~B.J.
