Apologies for sending the same newsletter email twice last week; although I’m not entirely sure everyone received it twice. I’m having some problems with the spam filter on my website, which resulted in nearly 100 sign-ups for the newsletter… which in turn resulted in my email campaign freaking out. Hopefully this one will be better.
New Avatar
My new avatar had you guys flooding my DMs, which was cool. I had no idea you’d even notice. Thanks to toymax for resizing it and making it look even better! And many thanks again to SEP for gifting my beautiful new toy!
After queuing Twitshitland for two weeks, I got to stare at the new avi a lot, and I feel some more tweaking is in order. Stay tuned; toymax awaits a better pic and will create a better avatar!
Why did I queue for two weeks? Because I am off tomorrow to Arizona to record “Mistress Managed – Book One” finally. I’m pretty excited. It hasn’t been very light in Michigan with wintery temps so I may need to take the paddle with me and get some Arizona sunshine on it. [By the way, November 14th’s Creative Survey results post will be slightly delayed because of my travel]
Reviews
Thank you for responding, and thank you for taking it upon yourselves to also “like” the reviews that I write. Every little bit helps, and I’m grateful for each contribution you choose to make 🙂
Online Book Club
Saturday, November 4, we discussed “The Lesson”. From the early questions, I knew you were going to discuss consent. I thought it was interesting on one hand, but I was also laughing a bit behind my screen, because not everything is black and white. Not every rule has to be followed to the utmost degree. And sometimes, a cute, fun, sexy story doesn’t have to obey all the rules. *grin*
I was also laughing because you guys got sidetracked talking about ropeplay and it took forever to get you back to choosing a date :p
Jessie Spectre had some technical difficulties in the beginning, and then his family kept asking questions. Plus, I didn’t give him enough details on the book or tell him that I use abbreviations with people’s names, so he had a hard time keeping track. He told me a couple of jokes he had started to type but then saw that other people had said it before he could finish.
As such, he missed a lot of your greetings, but he was pleased to know you were happy to see him, when I told him after the fact. Next Book Club should be a lot easier for him, with a book he can better relate to, and a better understanding of how we do things during the chat.
Speaking of the next book club, we opted to skip the holiday season entirely and regroup next year. No sense getting stressed when there’s enough of that this time of year. So, you chose Saturday, January 20, 2024 at 4:00 p.m., Eastern. The new poll is up, so please head over there to vote for the next book!
D.B. Carter enters the YA genre with an instant classic, “The Legend of the Jaded Hart”. I had the pleasure of reading the book before its release. You can read my five-star review.
And here’s an amazing deal by his publisher: Until the book is released–which I believe will be the 14th?–you can preorder the book for only 99 cents!
It’ll be shelved in the YA section but it’s a thoughtful, well-written and engaging story for adults, too… just don’t buy it looking for the smut, because there isn’t any. Fair warning.
But you guys love a good story, and “The Legend of the Jaded Hart” definitely has one. Might be a good thing to read with your kiddos, too. Family bonding. You’re welcome. *grin*
Trilogy Update
I finished the draft of Book Two! As I told my editor last week, “I need to finish Book Two so I can start Book Three, so I can send you Book One.” *grin* It’s convoluted but true.
I’m so excited to be close to sharing the first book with you!
By the way, I haven’t decided on a title yet. I know there were a lot of responses from previous blog posts but none of them really jumped out, except for the “audible” one. If you thought of a new one, send it my way!
For the over-achievers who wish to familiarize themselves with the characters in the trilogy, the books included are (in alphabetical order):
Thanks for all the comments! I love con reviews because you guys reach out so much more. I shouldn’t’ve been surprised by all of the heartfelt wishes in regards to the medical emergency. I only mentioned it so you knew what happened. It makes me even happier to know that our own little community is so caring! And yes, I’m happy to report that the emergency was taken care of, with some rest. Not attending the Red Carpet Social and the Opening Ceremony was the right call, and I’d make it every time.
Multiperv ~ Congrats on 300 reviews! I don’t know what the typical number per author is but that sounds like a lot to me unless you’re very well known like Isaac Asimov, Stephen King, etc. [Thank you, MP. To put it into perspective, it’s 300 total reviews; not 300 for one book. Still, my reviews are organic, and I treasure them all!]
I hope no one goes to your intersection in NOLA and starts knocking on doors asking for Goddess Serena. Probably not but there are some wackos out there. I guess the worst that would happen is they’d get several ‘I don’t know her and she doesn’t live here” replies… [Meh, it’d be cool to be so famous that people would think to do this :)]
I cracked up at your comment that my optimism is ever present that you’ll use my Google Calendar some day. And it is! I mean, I think I’m finally getting away from using a paper Daytimer and just using Google Calendar and a separate app for task tracking, so virtually anything is possible. [Sure. Anything’s possible… :p]
“Inhale mass quantities” Wow, I haven’t heard that “Coneheads” type reference in a while! Nice pull! [It fit, right? :p]
Claire has admitted she’s not so vanilla anymore?!!! (jaw drop emoji) AND she agreed to the idea to write something for the blog?!! (jaw on the floor emoji, if there is or was one) [She merely acknowledges that she’s not as vanilla as when she started going to conventions, thereby making her not completely vanilla anymore :)]
cb-6000-lover ~ NOLA sounds terrific! Super congrats on winning the award. What a tribute from the con leaders, good for you [Thank you, cb!]
I cracked up when Claire said people were asking if she was now wearing a leather vest. She says she’s still vanilla but after 3 cons, she’s probably more familiar with the scene than I would be [Familiar, perhaps, but I think you’d get more comfortable a lot more quickly :)]
Sally Bend ~ Wow, what a read! First off, I hope everything is OK with the medical issue. Second, huge congrats on the award – very well deserved! It’s a shame you couldn’t get your moment on the stage at the opening ceremonies, but still sounds like you got your appreciation. [Thank you, Sally, and I totally did. Once the recording becomes public, I’ll share that link]
Thank you (or SEP, as the case may be) for the intro to Carli. I loved the 7 types of Sissies and How To Train Them piece. Just followed her, so hopefully she approves my request. [Anyone would be a fool not to follow you, Sally!]
toymax ~ Reviews: It’s a great pleasure to feed Your feedback addiction, but I agree with Sally Bend: It’s not easy to prevent any spoilers because I want to tell other potential readers how captivating Your books are. And by the way, Eli 3 is my current book. [Aww, thank you, Max. I can’t wait for more feedback!]
DomCon: It’s amazing to read what a good time You all had in NOLA – at the convention and outside. Claire seems to be a tough Lady. Holy moly – I’m not sure if I could handle it to push my toe back into the right position. [Right??]
Reading about the award made me worried and happy. I can only hope that the medical emergency turned out well. Congratulations on the award! It cannot be said often enough how much You deserve it. I can’t wait to hear the audio recording – I will probably have teary eyes, too. [I just hope I sounded marginally coherent. At the keyboard, I get to edit, y’know :)]
The idea of letting Your team members talk about their impressions is great. It’s a good addition. [I’m glad you appreciate it; they’re doing a great job!]
rubbug ~ I’m glad that I’ve read all of the books for the new trilogy, feel like I’m ready for it all. [haha! You’re ahead of the game, rb!]
My mouth waters remembering the deliciousness of this meat pie!
Beef patties and meat pies are different things, for sure. Not that I ever had a meat pie, but still stands. [I know that *now*, thanks. But MP and SEP will attest to how excited I was to be crossing something off your list *grin*… I highly recommend the meat pie from Cochon, by the way]
It’s awesome that you got that plaque because you definitely deserve one! You’re, like, always awesome so I’m glad you’re being recognized for it. [Thank you]
And I’m surprised that Mistress Mia was able to send you back to your booth, but a 6’3 Domme does sound very imposing. [In heels! Imposing and cuddly :)]
I zoomed in the pic of your new paddle, the skulls on it are awesome! [And did you see it’s *purple*??]
It was cool to read everyone’s else’s take on DomCon, and I’m glad Claire got to share that story of how proud she is of you. You guys always seem cool together. [I should’ve thought to include them sooner]
I had no idea there were sissy categorizations and mindsets, but it was interesting to read. [Thanks again to SEP’s reporting]
BeneatheHerDarkside ~ Congratulations on the award you received at DomCon! Well deserved! Proud of you, my friend! [Thank you, BHD!]
KleinschwanzCucky ~ Congratulations on your award and on buying the new, purple paddle 😀 I’m glad, that everything turned out good, health-wise. I couldn’t agree more, that health always comes first. Overall it seems you guys had lots of fun, as it should be. 😀 Really cool! [Thank you, KC!]
BornToSuffer ~ Congratulations on the award. Oh my! That is amazing and so very special – especially the 20th anniversary. [Thank you, B2S, I’m still overwhelmed]
And a nice purple paddle. You must be so excited. I hope you get the thing photographed acceptably. [toymax was able to enhance it and resize it… if he couldn’t, I was coming to you next, after your help with the “Final Stop: Domination” cover *grin*]
sizeerrorprojection ~ Currently liking reviews on Goodreads. [Many thanks!]
And B.J., I’m glad you enjoyed trying your new paddle out on my ass. I’m always glad to be at your service. [haha, that’s not really altruistic, now is it, SEP? :p]
Tell me what you think of this post, and you’ll see your comment in the next one!
I created two BDSM Checklists to assist with communication and negotiation. One is grouped by fetishes and the other is an alphabetical listing, and both have spaces for you to fill in additional ones.
Make sure you check out the Checklists! Then, let me know what you think and how you used them.
And feel free to buy me a drink!
DomCon NOLA 2023 ~ The Second Review
A couple of follow-ups to the first review. If you missed it, here’s your link.
I wrote at length about all of the yummy restaurants we visited in NOLA but I completely forgot to tell you about the gourmet capabilities of sizeerrorprojection (SEP) in the morning. SEP dutifully cooked scrumptious eggs and bacon in the morning, taking our orders and serving us. The only thing he was missing was a frilly apron *grin* Multiperv (MP) and SEP then did the dishes, and sometimes Claire did, too. I did not. I didn’t even pretend to WANT to help clean! 😀 Many thanks for the gourmet Airbnb meals!
It was difficult to return home and actually have to make my own food. I was truly spoiled.
The article dispels common misperceptions and delves into the psychology behind pain and submissives. If you’re vanilla and/or new to kink and can’t wrap your head around why people would voluntarily ask for impact play, this article is for you. If you’re curious about the misconceptions or want to know what they say, it’s a good read for you, too.
It is a good article and probably should’ve been read by Claire before she was subject to several main stage demonstrations depicting various elements of BDSM scenes.
Movie ~ Touch Kink by Max Candy
“Touch Kink” is a documentary about professional dommes, and a lot of footage was taken at DomCons. Max Candy took seven years to film it, with a break in the middle due to one of the dommes taking her own life.
Goddess Phoenix first told me about the movie when I interviewed her in NOLA last year. It debuted at DomCon LA in May of this year. I was unable to attend that one and was happy to see it on the schedule in NOLA. However, the timing was not good. I believe it was slated between 3-5, and Mistress Cyan’s Dynamic of a BDSM Scene was to start at 4:30.
MP, SEP and I decided to go to the movie and skip out 30 minutes early. Liz River greeted us as we walked in, and I explained we had to leave early, and I didn’t want her to think we were being rude. She thanked me for the consideration, and we struck up a conversation.
She was attending the convention as a representative of Clips4Sale, who sponsored the showing of the movie.
Shortly after sitting down, a man walked in wearing a T-shirt that said… “Real Men Eat Pussy”. Of course I had to walk up to him and tell him that it’s nice to meet a real man! :p
Tease Warning: MP and SEP got popcorn before the show, and it was handed to them by none other than the wonderful Kendra James! She hosted the event and introduced Mistress Precious to speak about the film and Max Candy.
I was pleasantly surprised to see Goddess Phoenix’s Slave Robin speaking about what it’s like to be a submissive, to find the right dominant, and to talk about being kinky. There were also several clips with Goddess Phoenix.
The film followed the lives of longstanding professional dommes, those new to the world of dominance, and someone just starting out. All of them lamented the misconception that they were prostitutes. A quote I loved is, “the sensory experience doesn’t involve sex”.
Unfortunately, the film didn’t start on time and I don’t know how much we missed, but I hope I get to see it in its entirety soon!
After our chat at the door of the movie, I asked to interview Liz. She is part of Clips4Sale’s creative relations team but she is also a fetish model and has several stores on Clips4Sale.
C4S is a fetish website where people can buy clips of everyday people, models and porn stars. The site pays for traffic, has a digital fingerprint to eliminate pirated content, and it’s never been late with its payments to content creators.
Liz has a bubbly personality, is quick to smile and is genuinely nice. She supported Kendra James’ class and offered giveaways from C4S. I waited after the class to interview her, and watched her unhurriedly speak with everyone who approached her. She was happy to give out more free goodies, and she invited people to contact her with detailed questions.
Liz has been a user of the site since 2007 and began working for them last year. Part of her job is to find people to become members and answer questions for new creators. Her role also extends to explaining the site’s tools and offering support.
When did she realize she was kinky? At the age of four, she wished someone would kidnap her. Owning her horniness as a kid, she smiled as she told me that at the end of seventh grade, she lost her virginity in a cemetery.
She began her modeling career in her early 20s after reading “Modeling for Dummies”, where the primary lesson was don’t do anything for free.
Her first paid gig was working as a cast model for fetish.com. That is, pretending to have broken bones and wearing a cast. She knew someone who helped her get the job.
She moved to Clips4Sale where she was told that people would pay to watch her do daily activities. So, she started with brushing her teeth and showing off her feet. She is a size 6 shoe and has high arches, and has always thought she had weird feet. But people love them.
Liz also has a bondage store where she performs clips of herself tied up. She describes it as “hot, horny and scared”. When she first started filming, no one told her that the orgasms are fake. Consequently, all of her orgasms are real!
As a seamstress, she makes personal costumes and loves working with spandex and pantyhose. She creates superhero and villian costumes for friends, and she would love to have more time to create period pieces for herself.
If you’re new to being a content creator on Clips4Sale, Liz will be a great help. If you’re looking for good content, check out Liz River on Clips4Sale.
To Liz ~ It was a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to talking with you more about Fetish Con when you have time. You are one kinky chick! *grin*
I briefly met Trent last year in NOLA and again in LA. This year, we were next-door-booth neighbors, and I was able to get to know him better.
I told him that he will forever be etched in my mind (and Multiperv’s) as the vendor with the squeaky wheel. Last year in NOLA during vendor preparation, Trent wheeled in one of his display cases. The problem? It had the most annoying squeaky wheel, which could be heard long outside of the vending room, and it got increasingly louder and more annoying the closer it came to us.
And it came close, because my booth was at the end of a long aisle, which was the straightest path for Trent to take before making a hard left and pushing the case all the way to the end, where his booth was.
He laughed when I told him, and explained that the irritating wheel in question was only 300 pounds. Now, every wheel on all of their cases has been swapped for 1,500-pound capacity. Music–or silence–to my ears!
The Kink Shop was created by Trent’s mother and step-father fifteen to twenty years ago just to cover costs. They made toys and sold it to their kink community, and it eventually turned into a business.
Did he always know his mom was kinky? No. Not until he accidentally popped into the house and found his mom setting up the living room with some BDSM equipment. But he was already an adult by then, and it didn’t faze him.
Trent only got into kink a year and a half ago, when he took over the business. Before that, he worked as a retail manager for a box store. His parents asked him to take the business or it would go away. His step-dad’s age and health prevented him from running it properly, and he taught Trent.
Given his retail background, Trent was able to streamline several manufacturing issues, keeping their costs low and making the business more profitable. In addition to buying materials in bulk, he also repurposed scrap leather into inexpensive toys. The word “scrap”, however, is a misnomer because there’s nothing scrappy about the products.
Trent’s latest creation is electric play. He takes a Violet Wand and pairs it with a kit that you can customize or buy the entire thing. Other electric kits are more expensive and require cords. Trent’s version allows the dominant to place a power pack in her pocket and touch the neat gadgets to the submissive cord-free!
I went through the demonstration in Trent’s booth, and I have to say electricity play is not entirely for me. I squealed like a girl, even though the current really wasn’t that bad. It was more the “shock” of each touch. There’s also a bit of a kickback for the dominant as well. But for those of you who are into more intense play, you should check it out.
I took a picture of one of his cases–which is also ingenious for vending. Just wheel it in (make sure you have 1,500-pound wheels), open it up, and you’re ready to sell. I wanted to show you the cool accessories Trent created. My particular favorite in looks only, are his claw gloves. They’re modeled by Trent himself *grin*
Watch the instructional video from The Kink Shop’s website, below.
I saw Priestess Francesca in the vending area twice, and we hugged both times. The second time, I told her about the electric play and turned her over to Jessi for a demonstration. A few minutes later, she bought the whole kit. 🙂
Also of note is Trent’s aftercare flogger. It’s a shammy (or “shmois”). You can wet it and lightly touch the strands to the sub’s affected skin, and it will take the sting out.
To Trent and Jessi ~ It was great to spend time with you in NOLA. I look forward to seeing you in LA, and getting feedback on “Mistress Managed”! [My character quiz matched Trent with Keegan in “Mistress Managed”]
Good Boy at DomCon NOLA 2023 ~ by sizeerrorprojection (SEP)
Day 1 – Wednesday
I’m finally going to meet B.J. after talking to her for so many years. She has really tried to help me. I am so grateful. I’m not nervous. I just want to meet her already, and going to Domcon is perfect. It’ll be a whirlwind weekend. I’m not worried, either. I always try and make the best of a situation, and I know I’m the newcomer. I’ll just do my best to be helpful, not be a pain in the ass, and stay out of everyone’s way when it’s called for.
After a hellish 16-hour trip to NOLA filled with flight delays due to shutdowns at Dallas-Fort Worth Airport, I finally make it to New Orleans. I’ve kept Multiperv and B.J. up all night with flight changes. There goes not being a pain in the ass. B.J. insisted on keeping me company and feeding me information, and MP wouldn’t hear of me taking an Uber, and picked me up at 1:30 a.m. They are fucking amazing people. I already knew B.J. was, and MP was a fantastic bonus. MP is quiet when you meet him. I babbled about myself, and he asked a few questions to get to know me. I don’t know if I was too much. I’m an extrovert out of the gate and then I quiet down, observe, and listen. I just want that breaking the ice thing over with.
Day 2 – Thursday
There she is. Purple shoes and all. I know it’s her. Big, big hugs all around, some suitcase Tetris, and we’re off to the vendors’ hall at the hotel. We find the hotel, and she handles the valet, then directs me to unload what is needed for the conference. I take the largest case I can find. I feel useful. Our interactions are painless. Easy. She speaks quietly. I hear every word and move quietly. Accepting. There are non-DomCon guests at the hotel. That’ll be interesting. Maybe. I hope not. Hi ho…
We drop off the bags at our booth. We are meeting people. She’s introducing me as a first-time attendee to Mistress Cyan and Master Jim. I’m like a deer in the headlights. Awestruck by their openness and intensity. Master Jim stares straight into me, assessing. I return his intense gaze. I forgot his name without knowing I forgot his name. Ha! THAT INTENSE.
She has a strong connection with Master Jim. Everyone we meet is happy to see her, hugs all around. I’m glad she has allowed me to help her. I ride her wake silently, shaking hands when introduced, but staying quiet and not interfering with her reconnecting with friends.
We go get lunch at Two Chicks Café, and Claire has a run-in with a watery smoothie. The food is good, though. I get to know Claire as she navigates her building emotions. After lunch we get the booth ready for showtime. It goes incredibly smoothly. I help where I see it’s needed, and follow B.J.’s instructions. We’re ready in less than two hours. Awesome. I’ve worked over 30 trade shows. This one was a piece of cake.
Time to find the Airbnb and drop off Claire. MP is driving. I am concerned about his refusal for help as he tries to navigate the aggressive NOLA traffic, using his phone on the dash. He is exhausted after a ridiculously long drive AND staying awake to pick me up.
We get to the house and unload. Claire stays behind and rests while BJ, MP and I go for our dinner reservation before the opening ceremonies. I’ve booked us a reservation at Cochon. The location is convenient, and the food and drink are wonderful. I make a restroom stop on the way in. My meds are working. There’s been a big gap between taking the meds and eating but I feel fine. B.J.’s not having a drink. I think she might be letting me know I shouldn’t feel pressured to have a cocktail due to my condition, or maybe she’s just tired. I drink half the cocktail, and we enjoy an incredibly delicious meat empanada (they called it a pie).
I have to use the restroom AGAIN. My stomach is not doing well, and I’m feeling nauseous and light-headed. Not good. I should recover with food, and I stop drinking the cocktail. Damn waste as it’s good, but I need to take care of myself. I recover as I eat… mostly. My head is buzzing and I’m tired, but the nausea is gone. I’m worried about the long night ahead.
B.J. knows I’m not doing well. I’m trying to rally, but it’s no good. I promised. B.J. says we don’t have to go, it’s no big deal. She sees the big fork sticking out of my back: I’m done. I acquiesce. It’s best. We go home. I need to make sure I get regular meals so this doesn’t happen again. I feel a little better at the Airbnb, but I know better. Bed proximity effect. Time to sleep.
…to be continued
Thanks, SEP, for giving us an inside look at DomCon through a first-timer’s eyes. By the way, I didn’t drink at dinner, as I mentioned, because it would’ve put me straight to sleep. 🙂
Preview of Things to Come
Interviews
Porsche Lynn
Kendra James
Mistress Cyan
Vendors
Leather by Danny
The Irish Scott
Classes
Dynamics of a BDSM Scene ~ Mistress Cyan
Turning Your Passion Into Profit ~ Kendra James
Other classes that MP and SEP attended
Crossdressing Competition
Play Party
A reminder to my DomCon customers… you should have received an email with a coupon code for the online books you purchased. If you haven’t, please let me know. Be sure to use your coupon before the end of the month.
The next DomCon review post… coming soon!
The last edition of She Said/He said was a follow-up about how to perform a BDSM with your partner for the first time. The follow-up can be found here, and the original “ask” is here.
I received communication from the person who asked. He was able to perform the scene and, from the way he described it, he did everything perfectly. By that, I mean, there were mistakes but he handled them with perfection.
They were both nervous at the beginning but he talked about trust, and he was upfront about his lack of experience. He also provided her with a safeword and assured her that he wouldn’t do anything to harm her or cause her to use it.
One of the biggest roadblocks to starting this type of scene is the fear of doing something wrong, and the belief that whatever you do must be without flaws. That’s just too high of a bar to set for a first-time scene. Instead of paralyzing yourself with what may go wrong, simply own the fact that you will make mistakes. Plural.
As in this person’s scene, there were mistakes during the scene that he was able to correct organically without taking either of them out of the moment. And once the scene began, I think he relaxed a bit, which also helped the flow.
Most importantly, he provided tons of cuddling afterwards, and they talked. They were both excited about the scene and discussed what didn’t work. Because of their close connection, the communication was productive and didn’t feel attacking in nature.
I’m beyond proud of this person and the outcome of the scene, after working with him for a long while on introducing kink to his wife. It can be done, and it helps to have the opposite gender’s perspective sometimes, because men and women do think differently.
To the person: Big *hugs* and congratulations! I’m so proud of you, and I had a huge smile on my face when I read about your mastery level communication skills during and after your first scene! 🙂
Do you have a kinky question you’d like answered? Use the contact form to submit your question. All questions will be kept anonymous unless you’d prefer to be named.
DM me to be included in the next Book Club:
I went through the demonstration in Trent’s booth, and I have to say electricity play is not entirely for me. I squealed
like a girl, even though the current really wasn’t that bad. It was more the “shock” of each touch. There’s also a bit of a kickback for the dominant as well. But for those of you who are into more intense play, you should check it out.
